Thanks to all my good friends for the outpouring support and sympathy in my time of crisis. I'm still feeling a bit down but far from the total wreck that I was 3 days ago. I'm still having trouble sleeping at night (have been averaging about 2-3 hours in the past 3 days) and not having much appetite (in a way it's good because I've been trying to lose some weight). The last time I experienced something like this was when Jess broke up with me in 2003. So, yeah, it has been a while since I last felt like a sack of dog crap.
Asking me to forget is futile; it's just impossible for me to erase all the memories. And all the familiar routines are now gone: chatting endlessly on Google Talk, trading silly SMS's, talking groggily on the phone until 6am every night so I can bid her good night and sing her lullabies. Now I couldn't even do anything until the wee hours in the morning without reminiscing about the conversations we used to have at this time of the night, especially trading "ejekan" and complaining about the sad state of Indonesian politics. And yeah, what I miss the most is the daily parting words before bedtime "later later alligator!"
What makes it even more unbearable is the fact that she completely shuts down all channels of communication with me. There's no way for me to know what she's up to nowadays; whether she's happy or sad, or what food she just had for lunch (I put my money on Ayam Terasi or Ayam Bakar). I feel so utterly helpless as I really want to be able to still communicate with her, or at the very least, be a passive observer of her life as it unfolds on Facebook. And yeah, I forgot to mention that she also "un-friended" me on Facebook, which came a total shocker for me. I remember chuckling to myself as I read an article in the NY Times about "un-friending" people on Facebook, thinking that it would never happen to me. But alas, it did!
I've appealed to her many times not to completely cut me off her life and do allow me some means to communicate with her but to no avail. But I'm still not giving up. If she reads this post, then I want to tell her that I'm more than ready to be just friends and I will not do anything to jeopardize that relationship. I do consider her a good friend and it would be a total shame to lose a good friend like her. I immensely enjoy chatting, talking and hanging out with her, like I do with my other good friends, and the thought of not being able to do that any more with her fills me with chilling dread. So Vie, if you're reading this, do open up your tender heart and reconsider your punishment against me. The communication blackout is really driving me bonkers! At the very least re-add me back on Facebook or unblock me from Google Talk :)
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