Contemplating a PhD in Humanities?

This is just too funny yet so true - at least for people who go to graduate school in the US

New semester, New language

Oh my, I just realized that I haven't posted anything for over two months. But it's alright, I guess. I've had this peak-and-valley writing experience throughout the six years I've had this blog. Yep, six freakin' years! I started this blog in August 2004 after my personal website for two years went defunct - it's much easier letting professional deal with web maintenance than me tweaking the shit out the HTML codes.

Anyway, the new semester had started for about two weeks now. I'm feeling more and more comfortable at the university as I get to know most of my colleagues and the ways to navigate through the stifling bureaucratic maze. I'm teaching three courses this semester: Malaysian Studies for international students (my usual course), Introduction to Political Science (a huge 300-student mandatory course, which I'm co-teaching with a senior lecturer), and Research Methodology (a year-long required course for Masters students, which I'm co-teaching with two other junior lecturers).

I still haven't had the opportunity to teach the large Intro to Political Science course yet but it's the one I'm a bit worried about. No, it's not the class size and I have no problem at all talking in-front of a big audience. It's just that the course has to be taught in Malay, and I'm not sure how good a teacher I'll be if I teach in Malay. Don't get me wrong, I'm a native Malay speaker but my academic training has been all in English. It means that all the jargon, concepts and theories I know are in English. The thought of having to translate all that to Malay, or worse, forgetting what those terms mean in Malay in-front of 300 pairs of staring eyes, does give me a bit of a chill.

But at the same time I'm curious to find out what it's like to teach in Malay. Or at least know if I can teach as effectively as I do in English. By the way, the other two courses are taught in English. My Malaysian Studies course is not as big as last semester. It only has about 80 students so far, as opposed to 138 last semester. The Research Methodology course is a seminar/lecture type of class, which has about 20 Masters students, a mix of locals and foreigners (Middle East and Europe). It's somewhat interesting because I'm teaching this course with an Anthropologist and a Development specialist, which means that each one of us comes with a somewhat different research background. We've divided the course based on our respective strengths and preferences, so everything seems to be smooth sailing for now.

So yeah, it's a hectic semester for me and I'm bit worried that I will not be able to get any writing done especially my still unfinished research proposal. I guess I only have myself to blame for taking my procrastination habit a bit too far - and the recent World Cup also has to assume part of the responsibility. Anyway, I'm looking to have a great semester at the university.

p/s: I've been told by the admin people that I come highly regarded within the faculty. Kak Amnah, the head of human resource, said that she had been congratulated by a few senior Chinese lecturers for hiring me since it's not often that Malay lecturers to get this kind of recognition. Yes, there's somewhat a racial divide within the department and it's nice to be able to transcend that, at least on an individual level. I guess this is something to be proud of.

Who's Been Paying Attention

I just turned in my class's final exam grades for the semester, which means I'm home free for the next two months. Woohoo! 136 students took the final exam and 10 got an A while at the bottom end 5 got an F. It means that 7.3 percent got an A and 3.7 percent got an F, which I guess is neither good nor bad. In other words I'm neither too strict nor too lenient. In a general sense though, if I'm allowed to make a rough extrapolation of students who were really paying attention in my class and prepared well for the final exam (I use grades B and above as my benchmark), the number is actually less than half of the total students (63 students or roughly 47 percent). This seems a bit disappointing.

Considering that I gave my students the essay questions and terms-to-identify list two weeks before the final exam I had somewhat expected that more students would do well. Also I didn't originally plan to give out any grades less than C- but some students just didn't make any effort at all and simply couldn't care less. 14 students or about 10.4 percent received grades less than C-. The final exam grade makes up 60 percent of the overall grade, so it is hugely significant. I have no way to compare the students' final exam grade with their coursework grade (the other 40 percent) since the final exam was graded via the students' index numbers, not their names.

But the rule of thumb suggests that generally those who did well in their coursework would also do well in their final exam but there was no way to tell for sure. Overall I think I did a fair job in grading their coursework and final exam and I tended to err on the lenient side by bumping those with borderline grades to the next highest ones. Anyway I'm glad that all the paperwork's done and now I can fully focus on my research proposal and the upcoming World Cup 2010.

Drowning in the blue sea of mediocrity

I'm swamped by the sea of blue answer books for the final exams. 137 blue books to be exact. It's a mind-numbing work grading these scripts. I'm also a bit pissed and disappointed at the quality of answers provided by these students of mine. The disappointment doesn't come without a good reason though. I gave my class the essay questions and the terms identification list 2 weeks before the final exam, fully expecting that they would be better prepared and be able to write well-articulated answers. Heck, I was wrong - at least up to this point since I still have about half of the blue books to slog through. But the signs are plenty clear. Majority of these kids just don't give a shit! One of them even got caught cheating during the exam! Most of the answers are just verbatim recitation from my lecture notes with almost non-existent critical analysis and independent thinking.

It just goes to show how impoverished their minds are as shown by their lack of critical thinking skills. I've been trying all semester long to drill into their heads the concept and practice of critical thinking and independent analysis but as the final exam has proven it was all for naught. I wonder if it's too late to introduce and teach critical thinking skills at the university level since from my personal experience American students are exposed to this kind of learning since high school or even earlier. It's just a matter of refining the critical thinking skills once they get to the college level. Based on the observation of my students, North Americans and Europeans are much better in critical thinking than the ones from China and the Middle East. It's obvious that open and liberal societies produce more critically-minded students; hence, better students. I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

A closed and repressive society has a top-down and very rigid hierarchy. It means that the people are trained and indoctrinated to never question authority and to always follow orders from the top. Uniformity and conformity are the required norms. All facets of life is highly structured and regulated. Dissents via critical thinking are considered a threat and social taboo. I wonder if the students who grow up in this kind of socio-political environment are able to free their minds from this life-long indoctrination. I thought that I had a whole semester to steer them out of their very restricted monochromatic worldview and to see life from various different perspectives. Alas, it ain't enough!

Nak jadi orang Penang ni...

Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang called me up this morning to ask when can I start teaching there. Actually they called me with two news. First was to tell me that I will not be going to Australia for my PhD this year because the quota is already full. This academic staff training program seems to be based on seniority and I'll have to wait for my turn next year. But in the mean time the university offered me an adjunct teaching position in the Social Sciences department. So I guess it's good news overall. I'll be teaching at the university and still get to go to Australia next year to finish up my doctoral study. Plus, I'll be teaching my most favorite subject of all, politics. They haven't told me what political science courses to teach but who cares? I'll be living in the enchanting island of Penang this coming August AND I will be doing something I'm most passionate about, that is teaching. Can't beat that! Boy, life is good.

p/s: Nicky, clean up that spare bedroom of all your shit! I'm moving in.

Woohoo... the search is over!

No, I don't mean searching for a new girlfriend or anything personal like that. Sorry to burst your bubble! I'm just so happy because I think I found the elusive research topic I've searching for all this time.

Thanks to Tamir, my former professor whose research in Malaysia I'm currently helping, I now have a concrete idea for my doctoral research. The idea came about when we were eating a late lunch at the nasi daun pisang place in Bangsar after doing a public survey around the area. We were bouncing ideas off each other until he came up with a great topic for me to study. Without going into much detail the topic is, in a nutshell, about political socialization of youths by various political parties and organizations and to track the maturation of the youths' political ideology during their formative years.

I don't know why this angle of research eluded me before since I've always been interested in youth politics. But now I've captured it there will be nothing but exciting times ahead. I had originally thought about doing a comparative study between Malaysia and Indonesia but after further talk with Tamir it seems better and more worthwhile to just focus on Indonesia. So the plan now is to study various political and social groups in Indonesia - Muslim, Christian, secular - and track the connection between their efforts at socializing the youths and the development of the youths' own political ideology.

Now I can't wait to write up my research proposal and to hopefully do an extensive fieldwork in Indonesia later. It's been a while since I was this excited about something!

Researcher's block

As an academic, doing research is a life-long pursuit. It's our passion and we shouldn't feel forced into doing it. The research questions should come naturally as we get more curious about our choice topics. Well, not so much in my case right now.

Don't get me wrong. I love what I study. I'm obsessed with all things politics, on the theoretical level and as a craft. See, the thing is that I do know what I plan on focusing but I'm just not able to come up with a good research question or a thesis. Whenever I stumbled upon a decent question to ask I found out that either the question cannot be empirically answered ("operationalized" in social science term) or there's simply not enough data and sources on the ground.

I wish that this process is as easy for me as it is for other academics. I keep asking myself why is it so hard for me to come up with a simple research question for my dissertation proposal. I think part of it is that I'm currently not living in an intellectually-vibrant environment i.e. university campus and it's so hard to talk to and elicit ideas from people about my research interests. Yeah, I miss being in Madison! If I'm there right now all I have to do is walk into Dr. Mike's office and he'll talk my ears off about what I should be doing for my doctoral study. Or I can go out for coffee or dinner with my many graduate student friends and bounce ideas off of them. Nobody here in my immediate surrounding is remotely interested in my research interests or even if they are somewhat fascinated by my research focus they simply don't know much about the topic to offer any constructive inputs.

Anyway, I should just sleep this off and hopefully it'll come in my dream tonight. It doesn't help much that I've been spending hours watching "The Sopranos" DVD and all I dream about right is the various ways to whack people and eat delicious Italian food with the mobs. I'd say "Fuhgeddaboudit!"

Academic Hypocrisy?

Yesterday I had an interview at Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang for the Academic Staff and Training Scheme (ASTS). ASTS is a university program, funded by the Malaysia's Public Service Department (Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam), that sponsors academics to pursue their Masters and/or PhD in overseas and local universities. Upon getting their degrees, academics are obligated to teach at the university for a minimum of seven years.

The program, I think, is a good fit for me since I do plan on finishing my PhD and teaching at USM Penang. But I felt a bit bad since I had to somehow fudge the truth in order to look more preferable in eyes of the selecting committee. You see, my academic area of specialization is Southeast Asian politics and I plan on devoting my academic career in researching, teaching, and writing about this region.

A few months ago, when I was contemplating on applying to ASTS, I had a meeting with the head of the Asian Studies Department at USM, who asked me if I can instead specialize in East Asian politics, namely Chinese politics. This is because the Department needs lecturers who can teach courses on East Asian politics and help develop the East Asian Studies program within the Department. But he then sensed my apparent discomfort in being asked to do my PhD research on a region I'm not that passionate about, so he compromised a bit and told me that I can still do my dissertation research on Southeast Asian politics as long as I'll be willing to teach a course on Chinese politics later. He said that the university doesn't monitor my research and only cares that I come back to USM to teach after finishing my PhD.

I don't mind teaching the course at all but to devote the next three years of my life researching about a country I'm not all that enthused about is simply torturous, and not to say, unthinkable. He also suggested that I talk about my interest in Chinese politics during the interview to better my chance in getting the sponsorship since the funding is given out based on the departmental needs. To add, he is also part of the selection committee that interviewed me yesterday, which made his suggestion even stranger.

So, during the interview yesterday I talked a bit about my "research proposal" to study Chinese politics: my tentative topic is "China's new-found prominence on the global stage engenders hyper-nationalism among young Chinese." Fortunately the committee didn't ask many questions about my "research proposal" and instead focus on soliciting my opinions in how to develop a strong East Asian Studies program at the university. It also meant that I didn't have bullshit too much about my "interest" in studying Chinese politics.

Still I feel a bit remorseful for telling the committee something I knew wasn't sincere. I still plan on doing my PhD on Indonesian politics but at the same time I will also have to deepen my knowledge in East Asian politics, particularly China, which means taking up relevant academic courses and reading more about the region. Most probably I'll also have to learn some rudimentary Mandarin in order to lend my regional expertise an appearance of legitimacy.

I wonder what would happen if during the interview I told the committee that I'm not interested in studying China for my PhD and insisted on doing Indonesia instead? In other word, just be honest about my academic plan. Will I still get the sponsorship if I did that? In the end I succumbed to my craven and cowardly self and decided to be a hypocrite. I hope to atone for this grievous sin later by being the best damn teacher of East Asian politics the university has ever seen! Geez, that sounds kind of pathetic. I guess I'll just do what's needed to be done and let the chips fall where they may.

Life as a graduate student

This is a spot-on image of what the desktop screen on my laptop looks like except in my case the "Quarantine Section" is renamed "Pandora's Box" for obvious reasons. Makes me wonder if graduate students the world over are similar in desktop organizing habits. One thing for sure, academics are obsessive compulsive rat-packs, meaning that we accumulate but almost never discard. God knows how much useless craps I have stored in my laptop over the years but occasionally I try to force myself to do the PC-equivalent of spring cleaning and get rid of the junks - without much success at all. There's always this lurking insidious voice telling me that I might need this application or that video clip again in the future, so better not trash them. I guess in the end, similar to ridding useless junks in real life, one has to be cold-blooded and ruthlessly unsentimental when in comes to cleaning up one's hard drive, which is definitely not a strong suit of mine. I'm forever doomed as the electronic-version of an obsessive compulsive rat-pack.

Why Indonesia?

You wouldn't believe how many times I got asked this question here in Malaysia and the US. Actually it refers to why do I choose to focus on Indonesia for my research, instead of Malaysia. I don't even know why people make such a big deal out of it. Who cares what country I'm interested in studying? FYI, I didn't originally plan to focus on Indonesia at the beginning of my graduate school career. I remember at first being captivated by Latin American politics (I still am!). What got me hooked on Latin American politics was the biography of Ernesto "Che" Guevara called "Che: A Revolutionary Life," written by Jon Lee Anderson, which I've read twice cover to cover. I highly recommend this book for people who want an in-depth research and an objective take on the life of the revolutionary icon. Also, I used to know a few cute Latinas on my campus, which made me more motivated to learn about Latin America haha...

I remember being so pissed off after reading the book at all the economic exploitations perpetrated by American corporations in Latin America with the explicit backing from the American government (the notorious Washington Consensus) and how I was inspired by Che's strong sense of justice and his unyielding idealism to bring about radical changes in the region and fight on behalf of the downtrodden. Anyway, I started to get very interested in Latin American politics and I even took Spanish language class for two semesters. But somehow along the way my interest to study Latin American politics waned, maybe because I got sidetracked by my political activities at that time: campaigning against the economic sanctions in Iraq, trying to stop the Carrying Concealed Weapons bill from being passed by the Wisconsin state legislature, campaigning to stop military recruitment in high schools around Wisconsin, organizing Palestinian-Israeli forums in local colleges, mosques, churches, and synagogues, and also volunteering for various political candidates in the state. Oh, how I miss those days!

Anyway, I went to Indonesia in August of 1998, barely three months after the Reformasi movement rocked the nation and successfully overthrew the long-time dictator, Suharto. The scars from the recent social upheaval were still fresh and smoldering. I could still see the blacked-out frames of burned cars and smashed-up storefronts and shards of glasses on the streets of Jakarta. Being a leftist and a revolutionary wannabe, it was impossible for me not to be inspired by the Indonesian Reformasi movement and its success. I was wishing for the same outcome with the Reformasi movement in Malaysia at that time, but too bad it failed and was ruthlessly crushed by the Mahathir's government. But the May 1998 Reformasi in Indonesia was the catalyst in getting me to be more interested in Indonesian politics and history. Also, it was around this time I first read Pramoedya Ananta Toer's Bumi Manusia and was moved to tears by the author's grand historical narrative and its tragic ending. But it wasn't until much later when I finally decided to seriously study the country.

In 2004 I quit my job in Washington, DC and went on a 4-month backpacking trip across Southeast Asia using Malaysia as my base. It was an eye-opener for me as I was preparing to go to graduate school at that time and was looking for research ideas. I was interested in finding out if there is such a thing as Southeast Asian regional identity that most people in the region are aware of and can identify with. I ended up doing a research comparing the European Union and ASEAN in the context of regional identity formation. Ask me for the paper if anyone's interested hehehe....

When I came to UW-Madison in 2005 I had to find a Southeast Asian country to focus on and I initially chose Thailand. I've traveled in southern Thailand several times before and I was interested in studying the conflict there. I learned Thai language for two semesters but in the end I gave up. Yep, you heard right! Thai language is so goddamn difficult and it would take me years to learn it before I could carry out a proper research. I copped out and picked Indonesia instead. At least with Indonesia I don't have to learn a new language and I've also been very keen in Indonesian politics and history since the 1998 events. I ultimately wrote my thesis about the Islamic revivalism (penghijauan) in Indonesia during the New Order period (1966-1998). Again, I have the paper if anyone's interested.

But why Indonesia, and not Malaysia? Okay, first of all, just because I'm from Malaysia it doesn't mean that I'm required to make Malaysian politics as my academic pursuit. I can study Vatican politics if I choose to do so. As a Malaysian, studying Malaysian politics seems a bit predictable, no offense to Malaysian academics who do so. But more importantly, I think that Indonesian politics is far more colorful and interesting than Malaysian politics. There are many more political issues that can be studied in Indonesia compared to Malaysia. Post-1998 Indonesia makes it even easier and fascinating to study because the censorship is not as tough as it used to be (people at LIPI can still be jackasses sometimes) and the society is much more open now. I'm also turned off by the dirty and venomous politics in Malaysia with all the political scandals and character assassinations.

Don't get me wrong. I still follow Malaysian politics very closely and I do plan on doing a research about it some day. But I think now I'm a bit emotionally invested in Malaysian politics to study it from an objective point of view. I get so pissed off at the vacuous politicians, their sycophants and the corrupt-to-the-bone system. Finally, I fell in love with Indonesia as a country and its warm and welcoming people, and I've been there so many times over the years that I consider Indonesia as my own kampung. Indonesia serves as my sanctuary every time I'm feeling stressed out and suffocated in Malaysia, and it is now a big inextricable part of my personal and professional life and will continue to be so until I die. Till then I plan on immersing myself in all the magical mystery tour that the country has to offer.

In search of thesis

Okay, enough with the personal posts and back to the usual writings of politics and culture. I need to get my mind back on track to what matters the most to me right now: my academic life and the pursuit of knowledge. Right now I'm in the process of applying to the Australian National University (ANU) in Canberra since the Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang is likely to sponsor me under its Academic Staff Training Scheme (ASTS). The catch is that I'll have to teach at USM for certain number of years after I finish my PhD. My former advisor at the University of Wisconsin, Paul Hutchcroft, is currently the head of the Political Science Department at ANU. He suggested to me last year to consider ANU for my doctoral study and I told him I'd think about it first. It's not that I didn't want to go Australia at that time; I felt that I still had a lot of unfinished business in the US and wanted to stay there for a while longer. Now that most of my business in the US had been accomplished and I'm permanently back in Malaysia I feel the urge of going to the Down Under for my PhD. Like Malaysians would say, tukar angin!

There are at least four reasons for this: first, most Indonesia specialists are based in Australia and only a handful in the US, so Australia is definitely a better choice for me in terms of resources and finding intellectual kindred spirits; second, I don't plan on settling down and getting a university teaching job in the US, which means that I have more flexibility as to where I get my doctorate degree; third, I want to make my mom happy by staying near her since Australia is so much closer to Malaysia and Indonesia than the US - well, duh! - so I can easily fly there for research or if there's a family emergency; and fourth, PhD program in the US takes on the average 6 years to finish, as opposed to 3 years in Australia due to the 2-year mandatory coursework and preliminary exams in the American PhD programs, and at this point in my life I just want to get to the top of the education ladder as soon as possible.

I'm currently stuck at coming up with good research question/puzzle. A good thesis needs to be framed and designed like a puzzle that can only be solved through rigorous field research. So far I have three possible research questions and I might end up using one or combining two of them to form the puzzle of my research.

The first topic is about transitional justice in the post-peace agreement Aceh and what kind legal mechanism and process are being used now to address past human right violations during the decades long conflict between the Indonesian military and the separatist GAM. This topic had been my first choice but after talking to one professor at ANU who has done a lot of work in Aceh there are actually little data or activity on the ground that can be analyzed regarding the transitional justice issue in Aceh.

The second topic is about pesantren education in Indonesia and how it contributes to the political development of its surrounding area, or vice-versa. As we all know, pesantren typically forms the bedrock of the local community, so the question is what kind of influence the ideological bent of a pesantren has on its immediate surroundings, or do the religious and political norms of the local community in fact that influence the ideological makeup of a pesantren?

My third topic, which has now become my topic of choice, concerns about the role of youth wing in a political party acting as the ideological enforcer and the public manifestation of what the political party really stands for. Is the youth wing acting somewhat independently of the party's senior leadership or is there a directive from the top that allows the youth wing to promote a more radical platform of the party as part of the party's multi-pronged message dissemination? In studying the political youth wing I plan to do a comparative study between Malaysia and Indonesia, which will be the exciting part of this research, by looking in the context of race and religion.

The hardest part of writing a thesis is coming up with a good research puzzle that is novel and can positively contribute to the larger body of literature in the field. I remember when it took me more than 1.5 years of retooling and refining before I finally found a decent research puzzle for my Masters thesis. It left me with less than 6 months to write my thesis but I managed to finish and defend it in about 5 months. I almost killed myself during that time but I can still vividly recall the feeling of euphoria and the sheer sense of accomplishment after I successfully defended my thesis in-front of my Masters committee. I'm looking forward to that once-in-a-lifetime feeling again for my PhD dissertation defense. But the first step toward that end-point is coming up with a feasible research question first. At least for now I need one just to get into ANU and once I'm there I can always change or refine it to something better. How I could use an inspiration right now...

Why write?

I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since my last post. Wow! I don't think I've ever been absent from the blogosphere for that long. I typically write when I need to get something off of my chest, and believe me there are plenty of issues that were waiting to be unloaded in the past month or so. Only that I'd be too exhausted by the time I'm ready to tap on the keyboard. The past two months had been a constant, blurring streams of papers, presentations, and work. Seriously, helping to run what is arguably the most prominent and distinguished Southeast Asian language program in the world is no small job. Also, that the program used to be understaffed is not helping much either. I'm usually completely wiped out by midnight, which is when I do all my writing.

Today I found myself drifting to my OWN blog after not visiting it for many weeks, and I was hit by the Mack truck of guilt. Why even have a blog when it's being left barren? But more importantly, one should not be coerced into writing out of guilt, typing up space-fillers for the sake of blog maintenance. I can certainly blog about my daily activities, which are for the most part very mundane and boring, but that's not the reason why I blog in the first place. I made a promise to myself when I first created this blog to write about things larger than my own puny existence. It means, for the most part, writing about politics since I'm simply obsessed with the topic.

But then commenting on politics can turn off part of my already tiny readership--unless, of course, if the topic is about race relations in Malaysia; see here and here for examples. Anyway, here are some of the topics I've been wanting to blog about for the past few weeks, and rest assured that there will a post for each one of them in the next week or so: Wisconsin's glorious weekend at the 2007 Malaysian Midwest Games, especially the improbable medaling of the men's soccer team; the death of Loga, one of the frontmen of my most beloved band of all time, Alleycats; the socio-political context of Mexico's defeat to the US in the Gold Cup's final; Pak Lah's wedding to Jeanne Danker and the politics of rumor-mongering in Malaysia; the Federal Court's verdict on the Lina Joy's apostasy case; the American 2008 presidential race; and most importantly, this certain Korean girl in the office whose "gedik"ness is annoying the heck out of me.

Ah, I almost forgot that I still owe my advisor a revised version of my MA thesis, which is due next Monday. Yep, I still need to rework parts of my thesis to get it up to "publishable quality." In a way, I found that blog-writing certainly help with my academic writing. It loosen up my writing style and encourage me to be more carefree with my proses and word-choices. Ever read all those stuffy and jargon-ridden academic books and articles, understood only by maybe 10 people in the world? That's exactly the kind of writing I'm trying to avoid.

Anyway, I'll be more diligent in updating my blog from now on and I can barely keep the lid on top of all the burning issues in my mind. Especially the one about the annoying Korean girl.

Literary musings

I finally finished one of the great novels I have always wanted to read: Noli Me Tangere by the Father of Filipino nationalism, Jose Rizal. Rizal is simply an awe-inspiring person, and to list all his brilliant qualities here will not do him any justice at all. Suffice it to say he is the quintessential Renaissance man: a polyglot and a polymath. He was executed by the firing squad on December 30, 1896 at the age of 35 years old. He wrote two famous books that mercilessly satirized the hypocrisy of the Spanish Philippines colonial life: Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not in Latin) and El Filibusterismo (Subversion). In NMT, Rizal narrates the lives of various colonial characters--Spanish peninsulares, Spanish insulares, Spanish mestizos, Chinese mestizos (of which Rizal is one), indios, the friars, local elites, the notorious Guardia Civil, among others--with sharp eyes and even sharper wit. An epic is not complete without the requisite tragic heroine, which in this case is represented by Maria Clara, the daughter of the inept gobernadorcillo (Mayor), Capitan Santiago. The beauty of NMT lies in Rizal's ability to weave strands of humanity into each of his characters, no matter how despicable they are. The characters are composed in various shades of gray that defy quick judgment; each is wrapped in a patina of complexity that even the worse of them all seemingly to cry out for sympathy. There is indeed a method to the madness.

The book is part of the required reading for my Island Southeast Asian literature class. The first half of the course covers Indonesian literature and the second half Filipino. There is one novel assigned for each half, along with numerous short stories: Pramoedya Ananta Toer's This Earth of Mankind (which I've read three times!) and Jose Rizal's Noli Me Tangere. The ONLY reason I'm taking this course is to read NMT. Actually, my getting into this class is to finally being forced to read the novel, which has been on my reading list since forever. This is a "light" class for me since my other class is a very demanding Political Science seminar, and in addition, I also have to finish my thesis this semester. Since the university rules for assistantship don't allow me to take less than 6 credits in a semester, I have to register for one other course beside my seminar, and I couldn't think of an "easy" course to take than this Literature class (gamelan class doesn't count). All I have to do is read novels and short stories, talk about them in class, and write short analytical papers.

The downside of this class is that it's an undergraduate course. Most of the time I feel like I'm talking to myself or to a bunch of zombies during class discussions. As a more knowledgeable (and senior) student, I do help them out and guide them during discussions, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much. This is a university, not high school, and one has to be more independent, and for Pete's sake, develop some critical thinking. To make matters worse, only a handful of students know quite a bit about Southeast Asia. Besides me, Natalie (a 3rd year PhD student in Anthropology, whose research is on Vietnam), Jessica (who has been to Malaysia several times because her sister is married to a Malaysian Indian and is living there now), and Sarah (who is now taking 2nd year Bahasa Indonesia), the rest of the class has virtually no clue whatsoever about Southeast Asia.

For instance, during a group discussion a couple days ago, one girl said, while rolling her eyes, that the novel (NMT) sucked, and she's only read the first twenty pages or so (out of 426 pages). She didn't understand what was going on in the book, why the characters are described in certain ways, and how they are related to each other. Of course it is boring and nonsensical if you read it one-dimensionally, without the slightest knowledge and understanding of the broader socio-political context in the which the writer writes. To understand the characters and the plots in the book one has to have at least a cursory knowledge of the colonial history of the Philippines. Otherwise, one is left clueless and frustrated. The extra effort in understanding the socio-political history of the particular country is even more pertinent when one considers that NMT is, in a sense, a historical novel, albeit a fictional one.

The same with reading Pram's This Earth of Mankind, which historical themes are even more pronounced. I remember one of the group discussions of the book when several students complained of Annelies being so weak, sheltered, dependent, fragile, etc. The discussion then unexpectedly turned into Annelies-bashing session. I then asked them what did they think the author's intention was in portraying Annelies in a certain light, and none was able to answer my question. One has to read beyond the superficial nature of the characters and try to grasp the symbolism that they embody. There are reasons why the author, Pram in this case, wants the readers to form certain opinions of the characters. In This Earth of Mankind, Pram WANTS his readers to be profoundly affected of Annelies's fragility, but why? What does Annelies in all her innocence symbolize? What's the relation between this symbol or metaphor and the other characters in the novel? These are some basic questions readers must ask themselves when they're doing literary analysis. But in order to draw symbolism from the characters, the readers then need to have a bit of knowledge about the socio-political setting of the novel. Writers don't write in vacuum; characters don't just emerge out of thin air.

Okay, enough venting! It's pouring out there and seems to be a good time for me to hit the sack. I'd like to end this post with a hauntingly beautiful poem by Jose Rizal, called Ultimo Adios (Last Farewell), which he wrote moments before his tragic execution. The original is in Spanish but I retrieved this English-translation from Ben Anderson's Imagined Communities, pp. 142-143.

Farewell, dear Land, beloved of the sun,
Pearl of the Orient seas, lost Paradise!
Gladly, I will to you this life undone;
Were it a fairer, fresher, fuller one,
I'd cede it still, your weal to realize...

What matters then that you forget me, when
I might explore your ev'ry dear retreat?
Be as a note, pulsing and pure; and then,
Be scent, light, tone; be song or sign, again;
And through it all, my theme of faith, repeat.

Land I enshrine, list to my last farewell!
Philippines, Love, of pains my pain extreme,
I leave you all, all whom I love so well,
To go where neither slaves nor tyrants dwell,
Where Faith kills not, and where God reigns supreme.

Farewell to all my soul does comprehend -
O kith and kin in my home dispossessed;
Give thanks my day oppressive is at end;
Farewell, sweet stranger, my delight and friend;
Farewell, dear ones. To die is but to rest.

Drawing blanks

Now that my thesis draft is done and submitted for further evisceration by my advisor I do have a bit of a free time to lollygag. I figure my blog is long overdue for an update, and I'm sure those three people who keep track of my life are wondering if I'm still alive. Yes, I've never been more alive, damnit! The weather's bee-yoo-tiful outside (about 50 degrees); the snow's melting; no major writing project in the next couple of weeks (except for a two-page proposal); a full eight-hour sleep last night (I averaged about four hours of sleep in the past two weeks); we played indoor soccer last night as a farewell game to Badul, who will be leaving back for Malaysia tomorrow (finally!); the Malaysian Students Department (MSD) in Chicago treated us to dinner buffet at King of Falafel last night; and I get to spend the weekend reading Jose Rizal's Noli Me Tangere. Simply mah-velous!! It'll be even better once I finish doing my laundry this evening.

Okay, now with all the free time, what to write? It annoys the heck out of me that my mind is always flushed with ideas for blog-writing when I have the least time for it. One possible explanation is that my mind goes into an overdrive when I'm doing serious academic reading and writing, and the blog-writing ideas are simply the by-product or incidental effects of that thought-process. But I sometimes found something stupid, funny or peculiar in the papers but simply could not find the time to offer my two-cent. A lot of times though, I simply want to vent out about not having enough time in the day but simply could not find the time of the day to vent out. Ah, the irony!

Anyway, below is a line from an article in the NY Times about Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign that I was going to comment on but simply could not find the time. This very line represents the reason why I prefer the Times over other mass-circulation papers. How many serious news articles do insert an oblique reference to Trojan War to enunciate their main points? It might come off like a display of intellectual snobbery, but the beauty of this type of articles lies not in their utilitarian nature to inform readers; they are written in such flair not just disseminate facts but also to entertain. Some people have told me that NY Times's articles read more like literary pieces than hard news. Well, news-writing is a form of narrative like novels, and there's no reason why it should be treated differently. Maybe if news articles are written like literary pieces then more people will be interested in reading the newspapers. People, I think, are more amendable to facts presented in the form of a narrative. Facts alone are sterile and mechanistic; narrative envelopes facts in a web of humanity that provokes strong emotional responses.

Yeah, go read the newspapers now. I was told once it's good for you!

As Clinton Runs, Some Old Foes Stay on Sideline
By DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK, Monday, February 19, 2007

"Many conservatives still consider Mrs. Clinton the Helen of Troy of direct mail, the face who can launch a thousand donations."

What block, the writer said...

It has been almost two months since my last post. Sporadic access to the internet during the month I was in Malaysia (and Cambodia) did account for part of the hiatus; but the rest was due to sheer lack of motivation. I did reams of writing last semester and was all "written-out" by the end of last year. My mind was bursting at the seams with things to write about, and no, they were not ALL political stuff. I've been dying to write about my solo backpacking trip to Cambodia last month but never quite found the inspiration. I found myself staring blankly at the computer while my mind swam with various Cambodian observational and experiential tidbits itching to be told. Words simply escaped me. It felt like I was running on empty while passing by a road sign that says "next gas station 300 miles ahead." I want to get to my destination but there wasn't just enough in me to push me to get there.

And this writing lethargy is dangerously infectious. I can get by with not updating my blog, at least for the time being, but I simply cannot afford to lollygag in trying to finish my thesis. It has been in the backburner for the past seven months, and a coal-powered stove is not enough to heat it back up; I need a damn 5000-watt microwave oven. Fast! At least it's about 60-70 percent done, I think. All I need is to revise its thereotical framework, tweak some of the arguments, and find more supporting sources, preferably primary ones. I could have gotten a lot of the primary sources in Indonesia during the winter break if I followed through with my original travel plan; instead I went to Cambodia.

Anyway, speaking of Indonesia, there's a very good chance that I'll be spending a year in the country teaching English and doing research. I just heard back from the Fulbright committee that it has recommended me to the host country (Indonesia), and now it's up to its Indonesian counterpart to approve my application. This final stage is typically bureaucratic, and barring any unforeseen setback, the approval is virtually guaranteed. I'm just totally psyched at the prospect of spending a year in Indonesia, which I've never done before. While I've been there plenty of times, the longest single stretch was only two weeks. I'm so pumped up that I even registered for the SCUBA Open Water course on campus the other day. Finally, I'll get my PADI C-card after a long procrastination. Trust me, there'll be a monthly diving excursion the whole time I'm in Indonesia. And yes, Miss Rocket, you're cordially invited to tag along on these diving trips.

That said, the tantalizing prospect of going to Indonesia this coming September should be motivational enough to whip myself into shape and get done with my thesis. I should get cracking now. Or maybe I'll just wait for tomorrow. That's what I've been telling myself every day...

The Indoctrination

One more week and I am D.O.N.E. One 25-page research paper left to do and I have the whole week to do it. I've never felt better. I almost feel like I'm way ahead of schedule and actually do have the illusion of free time to goof off. But no... gotta buckle down and get this shit done. It'll be another hermit-like weekend for me, a self-imposed house arrest, which exactly what I did last weekend to finish my other 25-page seminar paper. I never thought it could work, but it did. I was all cooped up in my apartment virtually for the whole weekend, and the only time I ever went outside was to take the trash out. It'll be the same strategy this weekend, so better stock up on the junk food. At least this last paper is relatively easier and less demanding than the other one. But we shall see...

Anyway, I'll be heading back to Malaysia next Sunday for the winter break. Well, among other places. I'll be staying overnight in Narita airport because that's part of the JAL flight arrangement (hotel is included in the airfare) but Tokyo is too far from the airport for me to explore on half-a-day. I'll be bumming around Malaysia for a while with an American friend before going to Cambodia for a week by myself. It'll just be travelling around the Tonle Sap, starting from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap (Angkor Wat, Bayon, etc) to Battambang and back to Phnom Penh. I might also spend a few days in Java if I can find the time and a cheap flight, of course. My mom is going to be annoyed as heck if she knows that I'll not be spending much of the time AT HOME with her, watching Venezuelan soaps and shopping for household craps at Pasar Borong Mydin. Sorry...

Unrelated items:

Ever thinking about becoming an American citizen? Here's a sample citizenship test of what applicants have sit for. Thank God I don't have to take it, but even if I have to, I think I'll ace it. Yes, I'm a showboat like that...

Think you're always telling the truth? Or that you are not a racist? Or a sex pervert? Sometimes you are not what you think you are. Take this Harvard University's "Implicit Association Test" and find out if you are what you project yourself to the outside world.

The Ol' Green-Eyed Monster

As the saying goes, "envy is the green-eyed monster," and it just bit me in the ass a little. Well, look at this guy's language competency and tell me you're not the slightest bit envious. Well, I do.. just a teeny weeny bit. Granted that his field of expertise requires him to know all these languages, and half of them are practically dead languages, but it is still fucking impressive. For me, I'm still struggling with my Malay... just kiddin'.

Language competence

Reading and speaking, fluently or near fluently: Russian (mother tongue), English, French, German, Italian, Persian.

Reading, fluently or near fluently (modern languages): Spanish, Turkish, East Armenian.

Also completed coursework in Latin, Homeric and Classical Greek, Vedic and Classical Sanskrit, Old Church Slavonc, Old Russian, Old Norse, Lithuanian, Avestan, Old Persian, Sogdian, Middle Persian, Parthian, Baluchi, Wakhi, Hittite, Luwian, Lycian, Lydian, Carian, Classical Armenian, Albanian, Arabic, Akkadian, Elamite, Hurrian, Urartian.

And the procrastination continues...

Sitting in front of the computer for the past five hours and what I do have to show for? Yep, these two comic strips from PhD Comics. Well, I should have said 4.5 hours since I made a quick run to Burger King for late night munchies. In my defense, these two strips really capture the disturbing voice in my head, who never fails to question my existential worth as a grad student, especially at this point in the semester. Why am I even here in the first place? Who in the right mind would put themselves through this academic purgatory? Getting by on four hours of sleep, endless reading assignments, series of research papers, irregular diet and eating schedule, and the list goes on. Well, 'nuff lollygagging. I need to get my academic shit together if I want to go back to Malaysia next month. Better get cracking on this 4-page paper due in several hours, and so far I've only written a paragraph. After that, it will be another 4-page paper, a presentation, a 3-page reaction paper, a 25-page seminar paper, one last presentation, and another 25-page research paper. 57 pages, roughly speaking, in about a month. Damnit, I can write a book!

By the way, here's a humorous piece I found about being a grad student, and I apologize if non-grad students don't get the jokes. I highlighted the ones that are relevant to my grad student life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU MIGHT BE A GRADUATE STUDENT IF...

…everything reminds you of something in your discipline.

…you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.

…you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper--before I got the PAship in the office, that is.

…there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours"--I have a computer on the 7th floor of the library I consider "mine."

…you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.

…you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.

…you look forward to summers because you can study more productively without the distraction of classes--I work full-time in the summer.

…you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin..

…you consider all papers to be works in progress.

…professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.

…you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.

…you have give up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area--that also includes journal papers strewn all over the floor.

…you have accepted guilt as inherent feature of relaxation.

…you find yourself explaining to children that you're "in 20th grade."

…you start referring to things in Latin phrasing, as in "Snow White et al"

…you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.

…you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.

…you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.

…you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.

…your carrel is better decorated than your apartment--I don't have a carrel; they're all fully reserved!

…you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.

…you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar--or in my case, a restaurant.

…you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop--and WiFi accessibility, of course, and it has to be free.

…you wonder whether APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication."

...you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.

...you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.

...you understand jokes about Foucault.

...you consider caffeine to be a major food group.

...you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.

...Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.

...the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway.

...you've ever traveled across two state lines specifically to go to a library.

...you still feel guilty about giving students low grades.

...you can read course books and cook at the same time.

...you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come.

...you hope it snows during Spring Break so you can get more studying in.

...you find taking notes in a park relaxing.

...you find yourself citing sources in conversation.

...you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.

...your glasses prescription is 3x stronger than it was a year ago and you have carple tunnel syndrome because 90% of your time is in front of the computer or reading.

...8% of your time is spent in class.

...2% of your time is divided among eating, sleeping, shopping, TV, laundry, and socializing.

...you use words that only the people in your classes can understand.

...some of those continuing education classes sound interesting.

...the last time you watched TV, Brenda was still on 90210 and McGuiver was making bombs out of duct tape.

...an exciting trip is when you run errands with your roommate.

...you utter the words, "School comes before sex."

...free time is taken up by studying.

...the last fiction book you read, outside of class/rec reading, was "Flowers In the Attic."

...studying keeps you awake.

...a complete dinner might be a bagel with cream cheese and a diet coke.

...your bill for xeroxing exceeds your phone bill--I work in the office now, so xerox is "free"!

...a full night of sleep is 4 hours and a 2 hour nap mid afternoon.

...the last time you worked out, women were wearing little rope headbands and legwarmers.

...if you actually do workout, you have mastered the art of studying while on the bike or stairmaster.

...the food groups are ramen, caffeine, Subway, bagels, and the occasional delivery.

...when you tell people your thesis topic, they blink repeatedly and purse their lips while attempting not to burst out laughing.

...you consider Spring Break a time to get some work done on that paper you want to submit.

...you have an academic/professional text that you think is cool because you got the author to sign it.

...you consider cooking and cleaning your apartment leisurely breaks from real work.

...5:00 p.m. Friday means you are now scheduled to work for the next 48 hours.

...you have every minute of the next four months planned out but have no idea what you are going to do for the rest of your life.

...your friends and family become concerned because although you can now recite, word for word, the most popular theories in your field, you have lost all semblance of common sense.

The Summer of My (Dis)content

What now after the World Cup? After nursing the almost expected disappointment of England crashing out early in the tourney? After witnessing Zidane's spectacular headbutt to that idiotico Materazzi's chest? Life after World Cup seems not to hold much meaning anymore--I mean this figuratively, and it's not like I'm planning to commit suicide or anything!--until one is reminded that there are always the English Premiere League, Champions League, Serie A (sans Juventus, Fiorentina and Lazio), Bundesliga, and not to mention, the 2008 European Championship (World Cup's little brother) in Austria/Switzerland. The semifinals of the World Cup had given us the preview of what teams to watch in the upcoming Euro 2008: Italy, France, Germany, and Portugal, though my unrepentant self will always bet the farm on the perennial underachiever, England.

Anyway, finally, no more excuses to slack off, right? Right! Summer is such a screwy, topsy-turvy season that foils any attempt one makes to restore order and discipline in one's life. It's hard to function normally in an environment of almost unrelenting daylight when the day breaks at 5am and sets at 9pm. To people who complain that I've not been returning their phone calls and emails, updating my blog or in brother's case for that matter, contributing a piece to his blog, here's my schedule in an average weekday: Wake up around 8-9am, go to work until 5-6pm, play volleyball and/or soccer until 9pm, and by the time I finish my shower and dinner, it's almost midnight. Then it's time to catch up on the news that I miss earlier in the day due to work, which takes about an hour or two. As the clock strikes two, I start to curl up with a book until I fall asleep, which is usually around 3am or so. To say that time flies is such an understatement. What about the weekends, you'd say? See, I do have some free time on Saturdays and Sundays, only if they are not filled with BBQ outings, dinner parties, movie nights, volleyball, soccer, and riding the trails at night with the guys (my new favorite activity) among others.

To top it off, I will have to present a paper in an academic conference on SEA Asia in less than two weeks and revise my MA paper at the same time--I'm using the same paper for both. One good thing is I have to tweak the paper's theoretical framework to make it sounder and clearer and the conference will provide plenty of opportunity for constructive criticisms and refreshing ideas. On the other hand, for the conference, I'll have to shorten the paper to more manageable 10-12 pages from its original 35 pages, so as not to burden the panel discussant, who will have to read my paper, along with two others, a few days beforehand; and I will later have to lengthen the paper to about 50 pages or so to get it up-to-snuff for MA degree submission--and I promise my advisor, Dr. Paul Hutchcroft, that I'll work on the paper through the summer and get it done by sometime in October to have ample time for oral defense. Last Saturday I finally checked out from the library several books that Paul had recommended me to read to further refine my paper's theoretical framework, but I still haven't gotten around to crack open any of them yet. What can I say, it's the same ol' summer malaise.

Anyway, the topic of my paper is "Greening of Indonesia: Islamic Revivalism in the Orde Baru Era," in case if anybody's interested in discussing more about this issue. Doesn't have to be period-specific, say, like during the last decade of the Suharto's Orde Baru rule, but can be at any time, any place, and I especially love to make a comparative study between Malaysia and Indonesia in their respective experiences with Islamic revivalism in the past thirty years or so. I'd also love to explore the connection between SE Asian Muslims who went to study abroad, absorb the Modernist Islamic ideas, and later transform and imbue them into a workable socio-political agenda within the SE Asian context.

Oh, another thing on my to-do plate: Start on the Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship (ETA) Program application. I plan to take a year off from school August next year as soon as my assistantship with the UW's Center for SE Asian Studies ends, and teach English in Indonesia or Thailand--I haven't fully decided yet, though I'm leaning towards Indonesia since it's where my academic focus is at. The deadline is sometime in September, and there are shitload of paperwork to prepare and submit for the application. But the thought of spending ten months teaching English in Bali or Lombok never fails to motivate me. Ahhh, the paradise!

A mild disappointment

I can't remember the last time I got a B for my Political Science exam. Come to think of it, never. No, it's not my intention to brag about how good I am in studying Political Science. I just love politics so much that getting good grades for my classes seems natural. Anyway, I got a B for my Politics in SE Asia midterm exam. It's bad enough that graduate students have to take exams for this class, and to make it worse, not doing as well as I should have. It's my academic focus, my area study, for god's sake! It'll be unacceptable to get less than A for this class when I managed to get A's for courses in American, European and comparative politics in general.

Don't get me wrong. I love the professor and I think he's one of the nicest guys around, but I do have a few gripes about the exam, though ultimately it was my own careless mistakes that did me in.

First gripe, there's not enough time. One hour and 15 minutes to do a map test, 7 terms to ID (typically one page for each) and a long essay question that deals with not-so-simple issues. By the time I got to the essay part, there was about 25 minutes left. I wish I had more time writing the essay, so I can come up with a well thought-out structure and make well-reasoned arguments. The essay question I picked was about making a comparative analysis between Sukarno's "Guided Democracy" (Demokrasi Terpimpin) period from 1957 to 1965 and Suharto's Orde Baru regime until 1974. Under normal circumstance, this question would simply be a walk in the park. But having only 25 minutes to write a really good essay is not what one would call normal. I ended up writing a chronological history and the specific events that happened between the 17-year span: chockfull of details and fact but short on substantive analysis. Only in my final paragraph I managed to squeeze in a bit of comparative analysis between the two eras but it was a wee bit late.

Second gripe, too many terms to ID. All told, there were 7 terms that we have to do, and given the amount of time we had, there just wasn't enough time. To add insult to injury, we were supposed to do 2 terms for each country (Indonesia, Thailand, and Philippines) and one mandatory term (about pasisir), but I didn't read the instructions closely and ended up only answering six, instead of seven terms (I only answered one term for Thailand and 3 for Indonesia when only 2 would be counted). Because of this carelessness I lost an easy 5 or 6 points that would have pushed my grade up to an A, or at least an AB. What a dolt! Yeah, I'm cussing myself...

It sort of spoiled my mood for a good part of the day. I was planning to finish the first draft of my 25-page research paper for this class by tomorrow night but I'm feeling so unmotivated right now. I sat in the library with my laptop today for six hours but only managed to write for about half-a-page, which got my page count to 6.5 pages. Very productive, indeed! But I did find a few relevant sources in Bahasa Indonesia that somehow made up for the lack of writing production. Anyway, I'm feeling so much better now, and I'm still planning to stick with my self-imposed deadline to come up with the first draft by tomorrow night.

I am so goddamn tired!!!