There are only a few things in the world that really get my knickers up in a knot (to appropriate Rocket's favorite phrase)--not that I ever wear one or anything, I swear--and one of them is the whole traditional customs of Malay marriage. Not the marriage per se, but the process that leads up to the fateful and joyous day. It's the fact that some people would cast aspersions on the would-be married couple if certain steps are not followed and the prevailing norms are not fully conformed to that sickens me.
Case in point: My sister will be getting married this August, and there are not-so-quiet whispers in some quarters within the extended family network that she is being bamboozled and exploited by the groom. The crux of the issue is her wang hantaran, which is sizeably lower than the "going rate." Geez, I wonder if the KLSE keeps track on the ups and downs of how much parents "trade" their daughter for. If people keep treating their daughters like "commodities," I'm sure this "trade" will be listed on the KLSE's Big Board in no time.
Anyway, Yati's (my little sister) wang hantaran is RM1,212.77. The "market-rate" for a woman her stature--university-educated, with stable and good-paying job, and owns two homes--is supposedly around RM10,000 at the very least. The fact my family only asked for such meager amount got some of the relatives (on the paternal side) all up in arms. The point is the figure 1,212.77 symbolizes two things: cosmetically, it's her birthdate (Dec 12, 1977), and more significantly, my family simply wants to expedite the marriage process, by, first, not to put undue financial burden on the groom (though I'm sure he can easily afford RM10,000 if asked) and second, to have the couple use the money that would have otherwise used for the exorbitant wang hantaran for future family-building. Also, my dad is footing the bill for the wedding feast, which expects about 2,000 guests (seems a little extravagant, if you ask me.)
These are the same relatives who were willing to put up the house for collateral in order to finance a grand three-day wedding gala for my cousin, which almost saw the foreclosure of the house by the bank for loan non-payment (my aunt later resorted to borrowing money from my dad to pay the loan.) The same relatives that asked for RM7,000 for two of my cousins that one of the marriages later ended up in divorce (in less than two years) while the other one now is swimming in crisis. The same relatives that come crawling to my house asking for money whenever they are in financial distress or if grandma is hospitalized. The same relatives that put on the sweetest face in front of you and later stab you in the back when you're not looking. The same relatives that have been trying in vain to break up my family for the simple fact that we are not as miserable as they are. And the list goes on and on...
My point is a lot of these traditional wedding customs are not necessary; in fact, they are a waste of money and resources. Even my mom sometimes fall into this trap of blindly following the cultural tradition under the excuse of "you're only married once in your lifetime." With the divorce rate hovering around 50%, this contention does not necessarily hold true. Not much can be said of my dad other than HIS social status takes precedence over all else, and I'm a bit surprised that he even accepted the RM1,212.77 figure. I guess my sister's perserverance finally paid off.
I've told my mom on numerous occassions that if my time comes, it'll be a low-key event with plenty of food for everybody. No majlis bersanding, silat pulut, kompang berarak and any of these ridiculous stuffs. Akad nikah will take place in the masjid as usual and after that it'll be food galore for everybody. I still haven't really figured out what to do if my future in-laws ask for the King Solomon's treasure in lieu of their daughter. I told my mom that I'll probably elope but she said that we'll just have to pay them whatever amount they ask for.
Anyway, I'm not at all enthused of this whole marriage business. We'll see what happens when the time finally comes.
* Also, part of my previous post about the Malaysian "forgotten patriots" has been quoted in one of the Malaysia's top blogs, Nizam Zakaria's blog. Check out this post to read more.*
Nizam, sori la bro aku lambat baca komen kau. Tak perasan lak ada komen dlm post tu. Btw, dah keluar belum novel "gurisan intaglio" tu? Terima kasih la atas pujian anda! Kembang sat hidung aku..
No comments:
Post a Comment