I Have A Dream

I'd be lying if I say I never thought about my future significant other, my soulmate, my partner-in-crime, or whatever adoring terms that people use. But, it was the least of my priority until I watched Tavis Smiley interviewed Coretta Scott King, Dr. King's smart and eloquent widow, on his show last night. Seeing this brave, resolute and independent woman stands, not behind her man, but right by his side, simply shows the importance of living a life with someone who shares similar values and ideals. Coretta King is the perfect mirror image of her late husband, and she knew exactly what she was getting into when she married Dr. King. For starters, death threats, FBI probes, imprisonment, beatings, taunts, house-bombing, and ultimately culminated in the assassination of Dr. King in Memphis on April 4, 1968. Coretta King never re-marries--how can you find a man big enough to fill the void left by the martyr? Anyway, my questions are what makes a person an ideal partner, and does the ideal partner exist for everyone?

I don't know the answers to the questions above, and my understanding is that the definition of an ideal partner falls under two camps: Perfect compatibility and opposite attraction. Perfect compatibility basically means finding a partner that is a carbon copy of you, one that shares the same interests, ideals, values, temperements, etc. Opposite attraction is essentially a derivative of the Newton law of physics, which states that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. It means there's a Yin to a Yang, an Abbott to a Costello, an electron to a positron, a Labu to a Labi, et al.

So, which is the right definition? I'm most partial to the former definition, perfect compatibility, but I'd like to slightly change it to near-perfect compatibility. I think total congruency in relationship is not good. What fun would it be if your significant other thinks and acts exactly like you. It'd be an utterly dull and boring relationship, to say the least. Some people might prefer the latter definition but I've seen this definition work in real life, though it might be superficially ideal, it does take a lot of effort, perseverance and tolerance to make the relationship to work and last. A good example of the opposite attraction relationship is my parents, and the emotional toll of it is just astonishing though the marriage seems fine on the surface. It is simply the road I'm not willing to travel on.

What do I look for in a woman? While I cannot deny the sheer importance of physical attraction--human beings are indeed social animals and act accordingly come mating time--it is not the be-all, end-all characteristic. Nothing turns me on more than intelligence, independence, and self-confidence. I know a lot of men are intimidated by intelligent, successful and confident women, especially when the women are smarter and make more money than them, but for me, I relish them. That's why I've always been drawn to lawyers and the professorial types, like a moth to the flame. As for the lawyer type, I say that since I used to live in Washington, DC, and DC does have the highest number of lawyers per capita in the US (I think!), and it seemed like every other girl I went out with was either a lawyer or a law student.

Anyway, I just want to say that I'm a man of modest but seemingly complicated needs. I remember this whacked-out dream I used to have about settling down with a woman. Her name is Sasha and she's a public-interest lawyer that provides pro bono legal assistance to low-income people. She's a mutt: parts Irish, Indonesian, Jewish, and Dutch (go figure!). We met in school, in the International Human Rights Law class to be exact, when I was still in graduate school and she was just starting her Third Year Law. I was sitting next to her in the lecture hall and we hit it off almost instantaneously. We went out for coffee after class, and met for coffee again the next day. Later that weekend we had our first official date when we went to see this esoteric foreign film, visited the art museum, and ate at this exotic restaurant. We then shot some pools at a local bar and watched some live music, and later spent the night sitting by Lake Mendota (did I mention this was in UW-Madison?) talking about everything and nothing. We had our first kiss by the lake and finally I walked her back to her apartment to cap off the fabulous night. I first met her family at the Thanksgiving dinner and they were such cool people. She finished her law school and decided to move back to her hometown, Chicago, to work and live with her parents for a while. We took turns visiting each other every weekend since Chicago-Madison is only about two hours drive. In my final year in grad school, I took her back home to Malaysia, and she fit in perfectly. Later, I proposed to her on top of Gunung Tahan (?) after hours of hiking through the jungle trails and she said yes. We got married in the US to avoid the mandatory kursus kahwin in Malaysia. Soon after I got my doctorate, I was offered an adjunct teaching job at DePaul University in Chicago to teach Intro to Comparative Politics and Political Islam in SE Asia, while she was working with the Legal Aid Society of Chicago. After a year, I got a job offer to teach at Australian National University (ANU) and off we went to Oz. Since she can't practice law in Australia, she decided to go back to school to get a PhD in Comparative Law. After several years in Oz, we decided to go back to Malaysia for good; I joined the Political Science faculty at UKM and she joined the Law faculty at UIA. Long story short, we have two beautiful daughters and we all live happily ever after bla bla bla bla bla...

Enough already! Geez... what has gotten into me tonight? Well, the first half of the story is somewhat true; it's an amalgam of my experiences with different persons that I've been with at different times. The second half of the story is totally made-up and fictitious though I don't mind the part about me being a professor. Maybe this dream is a manisfestation of my secret longings and subliminal hopes, but to tell the truth, I don't care if it ever comes to realization or not. Whatever happens happens and I'm just going to let the old Malay adage "jodoh dan maut di tangan tuhan" (soulmate and death are in the hands of God) guide me in my way.