Saturday, December 19, 2009

Lost in emotional confusion

I consider myself an outspoken and expressive person by nature. I never bottle up my emotions and feelings, be they sad, angry, and happy. If I don't like something I make no bones about it. If I'm happy you'll know about it immediately. If I'm depressed then you'd better to listen my endless outpourings. I just don't believe in keeping everything repressed inside. Yes, I'm that kind of person.

I've been this way for as long as I can remember, but I guess living in the US for a long time sort of reinforces this personality trait of mine. Americans are generally well-known for their straight-forward and no-nonsense manner that can sometimes be misconstrued as abrasive and rude. Well, there is a degree of truth to that but overall I think it's a personality that most Americans find therapeutic and, to an extent, honest. As the thinking goes, it's better not to beat around the bush and pretend that everything's okay when it's not. It's best to nip the problem in the bud by having it out in the open before it festers into a gangrenous wound. Talk it out. Argue with each other if need be. Lay bare your soul. Be honest about how you feel even if the truth hurts.

It's that last part that got me into trouble lately. A few days ago I showed my displeasure (via email) to a person (non-American) I really care about who recently had been giving me the cold shoulder. I felt that she was ignoring me for a reason and she wasn't about to tell why. Out of sheer frustration I decided to shoot her an email expressing my displeasure of being treated like a scrap of old newspaper (the exact words I used). The email, in my opinion, wasn't particularly harsh but I guess it was abrasive enough that she wasn't taking it too well. In my mind I was just letting out my frustration to someone whom I'm personally close with but she took it as a big slap in her face. We immediately got into a fight on YM and it didn't end very well. She is still not talking to me as of now.

I'm beginning to have a slight regret about sending that email. Was it the right thing to do at the time? Or should I just hold off on it until I get to see her in person and tell her then? My action seemed a bit impetuous but then I'm not the kind of person who keeps my emotions inside for a long time. Plus, much to my naiveté, I didn't expect her to react so harshly to my email. I knew she'd be angry but I hope it was in a more reasonable, lets-talk-about-this kind of way. But no. She totally slammed me and shut down all of my attempts to explain myself.

I'm still a bit taken aback by her really rough reaction. I'm wondering if it's because of the personality difference between us or does culture play a part in this also? By cultural difference I mean she is used to the polite, non-expressive, decorous Asian way of social manners, and not the shoot-from-hip, in-your-face American way. When I used to date American girls we had this kind of exchanges all the time, and it felt really good to be able to put our grievances out there to be argued and dissected with. No bullshit, no nonsense. You have to be able to take in what you dish out. In the end I guess she was not the receptive, open-minded person that I thought she was. Anyway, I'm trying to mend fences with her and get her to understand that I did not do it out of spite and malice but out of passion and intimacy. I would only do something like this for people I care about.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

it could be many things or a combination of whatever you pointed out: cultural differences, her close-mindedness, or your too blatant email. People, when they're wrong, don't really like to be addressed and confronted with their mistakes, I know I don't :). As a woman, I think she's peeved with mostly that. I've once had a guy confronted me with the truth of how I am and what he really thinks of me and eventhough he's right, I didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing and I did what your lady did - shut him out entirely from my life. What I was counting on: angry people will always feel guilty and remorseful and that is further enhanced when the 'victim' (as in, me, your friend) refuses to counter attack. the opressor (you) feel foolish for lashing out.

that's my theory. Frommy side, it's honest to goodness truth. I don't know about your friend though.

happy new year dude. let's hope we can meet up for drinks and what not again.

-rocket

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