Saturday, December 20, 2008

Don't Talk to Strangers

The internet is arguably one of the greatest human inventions ever; it revolutionizes the way people communicate and connect with each other around the globe. It allows people to form a parallel social life alongside the more tangible one they live in everyday. So much so that people craft and tweak their online persona ever so meticulously in order to fit various online communities they're in - just like what they're doing in REAL life. They meet people in the cyberspace and interact with them like they do in their normal lives. The question now is what kind of social etiquette and norms are needed for this very young society, and how do people who straddle both worlds deal of them effectively, safely, and ethically?

Okay, obviously these are hugely profound sociological and philosophical questions and I don't pretend to try to address them nor do I have the intellectual capacity to comprehensively deal with the complex issues surrounding these questions. But I'm interested in finding out what happens when the two worlds meet and collide with each other. Is meeting and interacting with someone online similar to its real world counterpart? Can one's once exclusive online social circle be extended to one's real world circle? One can argue that it's not because a person can be better judged through body language and verbal patterns, traits that are non-existent in the cyberspace. Physical judgment can be wrong sometimes, but maybe less so than sizing up a person through his/her online persona. Still we can see nowadays that people, especially the younger generation, are less inhibited in divulging personal info online through Facebook, Friendster, MySpace, etc. I guess part of it to take mystery out of the anonymity that the internet provides and to increase the level of mutual trustworthiness and understanding that are needed in any kinds of social interactions.

Speaking of trust and the overlapping of two distinct social arenas, should a person meet an online friend out in the physical world? We already know for a fact that, despite what our moms' admonishments are about not talking to strangers, we still talk to them online. I talk to unknown people online all the time and so do millions of people around the world. What happens then when if this "cyber buddy" wants to meet in real flesh? How well should you know a person online before you finally decide it's okay and safe to meet (or not) in person? I personally have no problem meeting in real life people I've known on the internet. I've done it many times before and I'll do it again in a heartbeat. It's easy for me to do it because I'm a guy and I can physically protect myself if meeting goes awry. The same cannot be said for females, I guess, and I understand their trepidations of meeting online male friends for coffee or dinner.

My advice is, if you really have a dying curiosity to meet any of your exclusively online friends, then make that first meeting in as public place as you find. Never agree to meet in a secluded park or at somebody's house. If you have bad feelings about the meeting, cancel it. After a few minutes, if your erstwhile "cyber buddy" gives you the bad vibes or rubs you the wrong way, then don't hesitate to leave. Lie if you have to, but get the hell out of dodge! Scram! Skedaddle! Why risk it with this one person when you have other physical friends you've long known and trust? In all I think it's cool to meet your online friends out in the real world, especially after you get to know them very well on the internet. I guess it's helpful also if you can get references for your online friend before agreeing to the meeting. Ask somebody who personally knows this person in order to vouch for his/her honesty (or lack thereof). What I'll say is to be a bit risque and get some sense of excitement in your life. Be careful...

P/s: The reason I blog about this topic is that I've met this girl online recently and we've been chatting almost ceaselessly. My personal record for longest time chatting is with this girl: more than six hours yesterday on GMail Chat, though we did take brief breaks intermittently, mainly because it was during her working hours. We plan to see each other in person next month; hence this post!

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