Anarchy in Dystopia

The Day We Are All Malaysians

2011-07-16T00:39:00.005+08:00

Here's the article I wrote for The Malaysian Insider a day after the Bersih 2.0 rally in downtown Kuala Lumpur. It was written out of frustration with the selfish reactions from my friends and relatives. I thought I was going to lose a friend or two because of the article but thank goodness that didn't happen. The responses had been overwhelmingly supportive :)

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Countering the anti-Bersih talk
Jul 10, 2011

JULY 10 — To those who support the recent Bersih 2.0 rally for clean elections we’ve heard the same old tired detracting canards propounded by the Malaysian mainstream media echo chamber, which were later parroted by our own family members and friends.

Truth be told, it got to the point where I simply refused to dignify their “anti-Bersih” arguments with sound intellectual responses because I think they were too frivolous and didn’t deserve any.

Still, I also have this nagging need to clear the air for once and for all especially now in the aftermath of the event. The dust has finally settled and the facts have naturally emerged from the battle-scarred ground.

Below are some of the main arguments put forth by the Bersih 2.0 detractors and my ensuing refutations.

Traffic jams: They were actually caused by the police roadblocks on major arteries leading into the city, checking for imaginary weapons and stopping potential rally participants. If people were allowed unimpeded access in and around the Klang Valley the traffic flow would just be like any other day.

Even some of the nearby LRT, Monorail and Komuter stations were shut down to force people to walk farther than they had to with the all too obvious intention of discouraging them from going to the rally sites. Also, if the protesters were given the permission to march on a pre-determined route the authority didn’t have to close down more roads than what were necessary.

Also, how can one complain about the traffic jam in the city during the rally when there had been ample warnings ahead of time and plus it was only a matter of few hours of inconvenience? More streets were closed for an even longer period of time during the recent Standard Chartered KL Marathon, of which I was also a participant, and I didn’t hear a peep from anyone. That said, common sense dictates that it’s simply irresponsible and foolhardy to go through life without any contingency plan!

Economic loss: It was clear that shops that dared to open up during the rally were raking in huge profit due to streams of marchers stopping by for food and drinks. A few mamak restaurants near Central Market, Jalan Nagasari and Masjid India seemed to be enjoying brisk business.

The mamak place by Central Market even charged 30 cent for the use of its toilet! The Medan Selera on Jalan Masjid India (next to Pasar Borong Mydin) was also packed with people. So was the pasar malam near Semua House and Campbell. If Bersih 2.0 merchandise had been legal vendors could have made a killing by selling them along the marching route.

Heavy downpour during the rally also meant that if some of the shops had carried (preferably yellow) umbrellas and raincoats they would have been sold like hot goreng pisang. If somehow the business people still felt that their businesses were genuinely affected by the rally then it was advisable for them to counsel patience and bear with the hassles for only a short while.

What’s a few hours of temporary setback for the sake of common good and a better future for all? In short the rally could have served as an opportunity for businesspeople to profit off the mass influx of people into the city. Even the ice cream seller on motorcycle seemed to be doing pretty good. (Disclosure: I bought an ice cream from the guy selling next to the Sogo shopping complex and he attested that his stock almost ran out.)

Chaos and property damage: The march was peaceful and calm at first until the police and the Federal Reserve Unit (FRU), unprovoked, decided to shoot water cannons and lob tear gas canisters at the protesters. What kind of orchestrated dispersal the authority expected when they indiscriminately fired tear gas and water cannons into the crowd?

The crowd, much to its credit, managed to stay as composed and orderly as it could given the very stressful condition. Also, the authority should claim responsibility for destroying public property due to use of excessive force.

As best as I can recall the throngs of protesters were respectful to their surrounding and did not engage in any kinds of vandalism at all. None of the parked cars were burned nor shop windows broken. After all these were concerned citizens with real grievances, not thugs and looters.

Had the authority allowed the march to proceed on a pre-determined route and time it could have easily avoided all the confusion and pandemonium, which would have then resulted in a win-win situation for all parties involved.

Malay-dominated rally: The crux of this racist conjecture is basically saying that the Malays, due to their prominent presence during the rally, were exploited by the Chinese in DAP. The word used was “diperkudakan” (to be ridden like a horse). I was a bit taken aback when several of my (Malay) friends posted statements of this nature on Facebook — and not surprisingly they weren’t even at the rally.

It also goes without saying that they are all anti-Bersih 2.0 to begin with and most likely Umno and/or Perkasa supporters too. But the facts on the ground proved otherwise. Of course Malays, by virtue of being the largest ethnic group in Malaysia, would be heavily represented proportion-wise in the rally. But other ethnic groups were also well represented, even the Dayaks from Borneo.

If the Prime Minister honestly wants to see what a true 1Malaysia looks like, he doesn’t need to look any further than the composition of the Bersih 2.0 participants who braved the streets on 9th July. The whole rally was essentially multiracial that transcends age and religion. It was the very epitome of 1Malaysia, and not to add, a completely voluntary and uncontrived one.

What the Najib administration has vainly tried to achieve in the past two years with its multi-million Ringgit public relations campaign (read: Apco scandal) the Bersih 2.0 organizers managed to do it in a much lesser time, against almost insurmountable obstacles, and free-of-charge too. Maybe there’s something the government can learn here.

It was such an amazing feeling to be among my fellow Malaysians who were courageous enough to take to the streets of KL, despite the threats, intimidation and possible arrest, facing down water cannons and tear gas, to struggle for a more democratic and just Malaysia.

I’m also saddened by the baseless statements coming from some of my so-called “educated” friends, summarised in the preceding points. They emotionally engage in a form of solipsistic argument, in which only one’s own lived experience and weltanschaaung (world view) form the sole basis of “truth.” In research parlance their sample size (N) is equal to 1, which every self-respecting social scientist knows is empirically weak and statistically insignificant.

In addition, it rankles the mind of how these people can just eat up the bile churned out by the Malaysian mainstream media and somehow stop using their critical thinking faculty to question the fairness and veracity of the government propaganda.

One doesn’t need to be a seasoned media analyst to be cognisant of the blatantly one-sided nature of the mainstream media in Malaysia.

Maybe it’s time for these anti-Bersih 2.0 people, especially my dear friends, to swallow the bitter red pill — or is it blue? — and escape for once and for all the illusionary and corrupt world of the Barisan Nasional Matrix. As the cliche goes, only the (un-solipsistic) truth can set you free.

Imagination Running Wild

2011-06-25T02:05:00.002+08:00

The race is two days away but here I am wide awake at 2am brimming with excitement and anticipation with a dash of anxiety. I believe most people get the pre-race jitters, me included, and I don't think I've ever had a good night's rest before all the races I've participated in. It doesn't help much that races usually start at the ungodly morning hours. It's always the same scenario on the eve of a race: me lying in bed tossing and turning, adrenaline coursing through every veins, the mind playing imaginary clips of me running the route especially in the last few kms when it's all about the mental toughness, and finally when I triumphantly cross the finish line in a respectable time or even chalk up a new personal record.

I doubt it'll be any different for the upcoming Standard Chartered Kuala Lumpur Marathon (SCKLM). This race has an added sentimental value for me since it'll my first time running in a hometown race. I wish that I had registered for a full marathon instead of the half marathon I'm in now since I feel that I'm physically and mentally ready to go the whole distance. Oh well, there'll be plenty of other races for me to make my full marathon debut. As for SCKLM, my target is to finish the half marathon (21km) under two hours. In my last half marathon about two months ago my time was 2 hours 14 mins. To shave 15+ mins off in such a short period of time is a tall order but can certainly be done. In a 15km race about a month ago I posted a personal best of 1 hour 24 mins, which translated to a pace of 5:38 min/km. It means that if I can somehow maintain the same pace for SCKLM I can barely squeeze in under 2 hours (1 hour 58 mins to be exact). That 15km race in Putrajaya was the best run I've had thus far and I hope to have a repeat performance this coming Sunday. Boy, I can already imagine running down the home stretch on Jalan TAR toward Dataran Merdeka with the throngs of crowd cheering me on and the finish line within sight. Anyone who's run a race before knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about where to run my full marathon debut. I had wanted to do it in Berlin since my arrival there nicely coincides with the Berlin Marathon (last Sunday of September) but by the time I found out that I'll be going to Berlin the registration was already closed. What a bummer! Berlin Marathon is one of the premier races in the world and it's where the current world record was set in 2008 by Haile Gebrselassie (2 hours 3 mins 59 secs). What other options then? At the top of my list right now is to run the original marathon in Greece from the town of Marathon to Athens but I have to find out when exactly is this race and if it overlaps with my stint in Europe. Other options will be to do either Rome or Amsterdam Marathon. If I end up staying in Berlin longer then I might do the London Marathon in April 2012. Or I might even find an excuse to go back to the US and run the NYC or Chicago Marathon or the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC. If all goes according to Plan A, which is to move to Australia by March next year, then I can definitely see myself running my debut marathon in Down Under. In short the options are aplenty and it's up to me (and my financial wherewithal) to choose the best one to pop my marathon cherry in.

But first things first. This Sunday will be my third half marathon in three months, which means that I already have the experience under my belt and know what to expect. It's not just about finishing the race but to do it in a decent time. I also think that it's now the time for me to start running the full distance since it's the natural progression and I have to bite the bullet sooner or later. I'm hoping for sooner. Anyway, I'm so psyched for this coming Sunday!

Postscript: After a brief look online now I'm torn between the original Greece Marathon and the Amsterdam Marathon but I'm definitely leaning toward Greece. The Greece Marathon will held on November 13 while the Amsterdam one will be on October 16. Either way I'll decide next week after I run the SCKLM tomorrow.

Helen of KLCC

2011-06-19T11:25:00.004+08:00

Honestly, physical criteria play a secondary role in my own law of attraction but I'd be disingenuous to say that it's something I can easily dispense with. We are animals after all, regardless of how far evolved we are, and like other animals we rely on specific physical attributes to look for mating partners that can best continue our genealogical line. In other words we want to mate with somebody who can give our future progeny the best chance to survive, and therefore, according to some evolutionary biologists, a set of certain physical criteria can serve as an important indicator whether our prospective mate is able to provide that guarantee or not. I guess it's not just all about personality then.

As it happens I saw this girl the other day who is a barista at one of the coffee shops in KLCC - and she has turned me into a stalker of some sort. Her back (and her lustrous long black hair) was facing me the first time I beckoned her to help me with the WiFi password. There she was as she stood before me a face so dripping sweet that it can almost inflict instant diabetes on someone just by her merest glance. Wow is all I could say at the time. I've always considered myself an aesthete who does appreciate beauty in its superficial form but as far as my personal preference for the fairer sex goes I tend to go for the sweet unassuming types with a touch of radiance and innocence to boot.

Boy, did my heart skip a few beats faster at the time! Since then I've been going there several more times and found out what her work schedule was. The extent of my interactions with her have so far been limited to occasional exchanges of smiles and some inane remarks from me about the hectic nature of the place. Well dumbass, it's the KLCC for crying out loud! So far there hasn't been a lull long enough during her shift for me to initiate a more meaningful and longer conversation with her. Also, the irony is that my constant presence at the coffee shop has instead attracted one of her female co-workers and she's the one been chatting me up all this time. Maybe that's one way to get closer to her!

This whole stalking venture reminds me of my younger days when I used to pursue this girl from Convent Bukit Nanas Girls School (CBN) here in KL. I used to have the hots for Chinese girls who wear baju kurung school uniform, and this girl was all of the above. She lives in Ampang, which is where I live, and we always take the same public bus. CBN girls usually wait for the bus in-front of the old AIA building on Jln. Ampang and for hot-blooded testosterone-laden boys there's no better place than there. She has the sweet angelic face and long wavy black hair quite similar to the KLCC barista. The thing that really turned me on was that she never latched the button at the top of her baju kurung, which then partially exposed her milky smooth upper chest. The slightest sight of it is enough to fire up the imagination of any hormone-ravaged teenagers! One time I remember vividly when it rained and she was a bit soaked to see the transparent white linen of her baju kurung clung ever so tightly to her very suggestive black bra. I almost exploded, in all sense of the word, right then and there! I trailed behind her many times while she was walking home to see where she lived. I also exchanged smiles and coy glances with her across the bus stop but that was the extent of our interaction for quite some time - that was until I mustered enough courage to talk to her. She turned out to be really cool and we actually dated for a while until we got separated by our post-high school life choices.

In short this KLCC barista reminds me so much of the CBN girl of my youthful romantic exploits, at least from the physical point of view and the way I'm stalking her and trying to make my presence gradually known to her. I really feel as giddy as I was twenty years ago standing at the bus stop staring with mouth agape at this sweet and warm-looking baju kurung-wearing Chinese girl. If Helen of Troy is the so-called "face that launched a thousand ships" then this barista is the Helen of KLCC: the face that melts the hearts of a thousand coffee drinkers!

Running to Lose Weight?

2011-06-14T15:55:00.003+08:00

The uninitiated usually think that the only reason to run is to lose weight. Well, to a certain extent they're right. People (read: non-runners/athletes) ask me all the time why do I need to run and exercise vigorously when I'm already looking fit and lean? Why wake up at 5am on a Sunday morning to go on a 20km run when you don't even have an ounce of fat to burn? Simply put, why do a person go through the physical and mental torture of long-distance running when there's no real tangible reward to be had in the end (finisher's medal and certificate notwithstanding) i.e. losing 3 inches of one's waistline?

A lot of runners I know first started out as overweight people (and smokers), and running is one of the most efficient ways to slim down (and regain stamina). It begins as a necessity and ends up an addiction. That's how it always goes. People in general have an innate sense of competitiveness and the desire to challenge one's physical and mental capabilities to their limits. Running triggers this need for constant self-improvement and test of wills. A runner might start off barely finishing a 3km run - or walk for that matter. But as time goes by, one's fitness level increases and the fat melts away, the runner feels a 3km run no longer poses a difficult challenge. One then ups the ante by increasing the distance to 5km to provide oneself with a hoop to jump through. 5km turns to 8km, 10km, 12km, and it finally hits you: it's no longer about losing weight anymore - one presumably has achieved the ideal weight by now - but it has become a test of will to see how far one can push one's body and mind to the edge. Plus, the endorphin high one gets after an exhausting workout certainly plays a part in this addiction.

For people who's constantly looking for ways to challenge themselves long-distance running is a very effective and convenient way to do it. It requires minimal investment in equipment, no special places to do it, and there are plenty of running events out there when one finally feels ready to be challenged. It's a very egalitarian and democratizing sport, which practitioners range from the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies to the poor kids in Rift Valley, Kenya (the ground zero for all top long-distance runners in the world).

Of course, once one has a few marathons under one's belt, then one might crave a bigger challenge, which comes in the shape of ultra-marathon. Ultra-marathon starts at 50km (normal marathon is 42km) and can go to 50 miles, 100km, 100 miles, or 24-hour non-stop, so on and so forth. Or if one seeks a different type of challenge then triathlon might be worth a shot, and this is what I'm planning to do next year. The fact is that it's all about challenging oneself and to see how far one can push one's limits, physically and mentally. This is the answer I give people when they ask why I run.

p/s: The act of running long-distance in itself is a pure torture, unlike other sports like football, basketball, tennis, etc, where the enjoyment comes from actually playing the sports. The bliss of running long-distance, I think, comes from finishing the race. It's the proud sense of accomplishment to know that one has enough physical toughness and mental fortitude to complete the run despite the torture one has go through during the race. Therefore, unless if one is an elite runner who competes for prize money, most runners are essentially competing against oneself, whether to run one's personal best or simply to finish the race. This is why we run!

Lean Mean Machine

2011-06-12T15:07:00.005+08:00

As I was lacing up my running shoes for my regular 5K pre-breakfast run my sister's Indonesian maid commented: "Udah kurus ni...lagi ngapain mau lari?" (Why run when you're already skinny?) If I have a dime for all the comments I get about my "skinny" physique I'd be a thousandaire by now! The people at my office made similar remarks too. Even Kak Amnah, the HR person in my department, told me how concerned she was of how I looked and asked me if I had any personal problems I wanted to share (this happened about two months ago). On a separate occasion, her assistant, Dila, went even further and said that I looked much better with a bit more fat on me!

I believe this misconception on what constitutes as "looking healthy" can be chalked up to cultural perception and norms. Whenever I met with my American/European friends I've been told how "ripped" or "fit" or "lean" I looked. "Ripped" was the exact word used by my former professor, who's an American, when I saw him in KL a few months ago. The prevailing perception within most Asian societies is that one's girth positively correlates to one's wealth and status in the society (up to a certain point). In other words, the well-to-dos lead a much better life with more than enough resources i.e. food to survive; ergo, a robust body circumference. Poor people are skinny simply for the fact that they cannot afford to consume as much, which it's true to some extent.

This perception was pervasive in the West for centuries. A cursory look at the old Renaissance paintings would bear out the fact that the rich back then were simply overweight because they led such a good life i.e. idleness and debauchery. There's a reason the word "Rubenesque" is used in the English language as an apt description of this particular cultural phenomenon. As if one needs more proof of Renaissance-age food orgy one can look no further than the infamous polygamous fat slob Henry VIII.

It seems like the West in general has moved past this cultural stereotype as its societies are now comfortably esconced in the post-industrial/post-material world. Sadly this perception still persists here in most parts of the East. I've seen little kids being fed all kinds of junk food so they would fatten up and "look healthy" and befitting their family's social status. Even my dad told my sister once that either she's not feeding my nephew enough or he's not eating enough that he looks like a skinny kid from a poor family. He's obviously eating enough with a robust health to match; only that he's a hyperactive kid, which explains his lean physique.

Back to the people's comments on how I look all I can say in return is that I do a heck a lot of exercises, which is why I look the way I look now. For example, I burn about 1200 calories on an average 10K run. Also I eat healthy and balance diet (most of the time) that also helps in maintaining my lean physique at currently about 9 percent body fat. If I feel a bit charitable I'd try to explain to them the differences between being athletically lean and unhealthily skinny. Honestly, there's a alarming level of ignorance and misinformation out there, especially in Malaysia, when it comes to knowledge about healthy living and diet. Alas, there's still a lot more to do!

p/s: The Star had a front-page headline a few days ago that screamed "We Overeat." The "We" being Malaysians, of course. One interesting bit buried in the feature article was the recent figures from the Ministry of Health that reported 30 percent of Malaysians are obese, while another 30 percent are overweight. If it's true then this certainly counts as a national emergency! 60 percent of Malaysians have the BMI over 25? Scary thought, isn't it?

The Hooligan vs The Casanova

2011-06-09T18:00:00.001+08:00

Triumph Street Triple 1050 (The Hooligan)
Ducati Monster 1100 (The Casanova)
I still deeply regret not bringing my motorcycle back to Malaysia considering how expensive it is to buy one here. Truth be told I needed the money more than the bike at the time but now when I think of it money comes and goes but the bike still remains a memory. FYI, depending on the bike, the price difference between the US and Malaysia can be double or triple (cheaper in the US, of course). For example, the ever popular and reliable Super Sport (600cc) bike, Honda CBR600RR, which I used to ride costs about USD 10,000 brand new (about RM31,000). But in Malaysia the same bike costs about RM74,000 (USD 24,000) as I last checked at Naza Motors. That's a whopping 140 percent mark! Basically with the same amount of money, you can buy two bikes in the US, modded with aftermarket parts like Akrapovic carbon full-exhaust system, and still have enough in the bank for a nice gourmet dinner in a 3-star Michelin restaurant.

So now I'm taking off again, first to Germany then maybe Australia, which means that I'll surely, most definitely, positively get a bike to bring back to Malaysia. No more excuses this time! I still have that one (or maybe two, I'm not sure) AP I haven't used, which allows me to bring the bike back into Malaysia with minimal tax. Ever since I got the offer from Germany I've been dreaming about what bike to get. Well, I've always had preferences, and I least prefer easy riders and touring bikes like Harleys and all those big lumbering leather-clad machines you see roaring down your local highway. For me the biggest joy of riding a bike is to carve the corners like a surgical knife, which effectively rules out the big cruisers with their low ground clearance, leaned-back ergonomic and heavy weight. But see, superbikes like the Honda CBR600RR or Yamaha R6 is not exactly a practical daily ride. It's kind of hard to scan the traffic around you, and also not too add, much less comfortable, when you have to hunch over the tank riding in that aggressive ergonomic. As much as I love the sleek and powerful superbikes I would have to rule them out for my daily commute. It means that a bike I choose must strike a perfect balance between power/thrill/fun/fast and everyday riding practicality. It means that the riding ergonomic has to be more upright for better view of the surrounding and less stress on the back, which essentially narrows down the list to either Enduro/dual-purpose bikes or street-fighter bikes.

If you've seen the BBC TV series "Long Way Down" and "Long Way Around," which features Ewan McGregor and his buddy Charley Boorman in their motorcycling adventures, then the kind of bikes they used are dual-purpose (in this case, BMW F1200GS). Well, I love to own of these bikes someday especially after I watched the series. I seriously felt like selling everything I own, quit my job, buy a dual-purpose bike and just ride into the wilderness! Well, that obviously didn't happen but it's still a dream I have and I intend to fulfill it one day. But for the time being I need a bike that excels in ALL categories: comfortable ergo, friendly in low-speed riding but can turn into a beast when the need arises, stable and fast at high speed, sharp and precise around the bends, and all the while looks cool and unperturbed. The street-fighter bikes, which are specifically designed for urban riders, are the clear choices. I've whittled down my options to basically four bikes after a much agonizing contemplation and comparisons, and they are: Ducati Monster 796, Ducati Monster 1100, Triumph Street Triple 675R, and Triumph Speed Triple 1050.

My top two choices are Ducati Monster 1100 and Triumph Speed Triple 1050. I feel that I need a bike with bigger displacement (1000cc) for that extra oomph down the highway, and also I think I've outgrown the smaller cc bikes. Truth be told I haven't seen either of these bikes in person yet, so I'm not sure how it feels exactly to sit on them. On paper, the Triumph triumphs, hands-down (bad pun, I know). It's a highly rated bike that consistently wins awards and gets rave reviews from around the world. But so does the Ducati to some extent. But what the Duc lacks in features it more than makes it up in the styling and design department. Also it's a Ducati for Pete's sake! Simply put, it's to motorcycle what Ferrari is to cars. Owning a Ducati is not just about having in one's possession a sublime objet d'art and an engineering marvel; it's also to be a part its and illustrious history of motorcycle racing. In short, one becomes part of the select group of Ducatisti. Though Triumph also has an equally glorious racing tradition but there's no such thing as Triumphisti (not that it needs one). I think that a Triumph simply lacks the alluring mystique as the Ducati, that X-factor, though in Triumph's defense, its street-fighter and supersport (Daytona 675R) models are actually designed by an Italian firm.

Right now my mind is pulled toward Triumph but my heart is drawn to Ducati. Sometimes, if nothing else, I feel like I just want to own a Ducati for sake of owning one, regardless if the Triumph is superior to it in every category on the specs sheet. The best analogy I can come up with is to liken the Triumph to a (British) hooligan and the Ducati to an Italian casanova. The Triumph oozes with raw power from its three-cylinder engine and always ready to create havoc on the streets. It's fun, exciting, and wild! The Ducati, on the other hand, is sleek, sharp and refined with a well-concealed aggression and brute (it has a V-Twin engine after all). It's like a handsome Italian hunk dressed in a bespoke Armani suit who whispers sweet nothings into your ears, turns into a wild stallion in bed and then fixes you a nice truffle omelet breakfast the morning after. The Triumph is like your beer-swilling buddy, a bon vivant who's loud, full of dirty jokes, bursting with joie de vivre, highly likable, fun to hang out with, and seems to be perpetually going through life at 200km/h. So who do I prefer? Right now I just can't really make up my damn mind. Oh how I wish I'm rich enough to be polygamous and get both!

The M Word

2011-06-08T15:53:00.003+08:00

There I was peacefully minding my own business when a relative, who happened to stay over at my house, suddenly interjected: "So I heard that you're going to Germany soon. When is it that are you going to get married then if you keep on traveling like this and never stay put in one place for very long?" Yes, I'm talking about that M word: Marriage, Matrimony and their kin. Okay, first of all I truly despise people who try to impose their values on others especially the moral ones. It's like if you're not living according to their own myopic, morally-rigid Manichean world view then your life is rendered utterly meaningless, and worse yet, condemned by the Almighty to an eternity in the seventh ring of Hell. But then that has always been the least of my worry since I usually ignore these self-righteous people and more than happy to just let them go foaming at the mouth. I'm more worried if a speck of that spittle from the excessive sermonizing ends up on my face! I've always lived my life as I deemed fit, shaped by the values and norms I've internalized over the years through places I've lived in and people I've met. Ain't nobody be telling me how to live, not even my parents!

Anyway, back to the M word. Why is this such a big deal especially in this part of the world? I remember writing about this topic before but I'm too lazy to search the archive. Why are some people so obsessed with the institution of marriage so much so that to question its relevance can be perceived as sacrilegious? Well, for a lot of people it is a sacred bond: a contract signed and sealed under the aegis of a holy institution, namely organized religion. Therefore to question its meaning and validity can be construed as a direct challenge on the divine injunctions of God (s). In Islam the oft-repeated saying is that marriage (metaphorically) makes up half of one's deeds (ibadah) on this Earth, simply to show how important it is in relation to one's other mortal activities such as working, praying, studying, etc. Despite marriage's high level of cultural and religious cachet I still believe that it's an overrated institution, unjustifiably elevated to the untouchable realm of the divine, and should be seen as what it really is: a legally-sanctioned act of procreation which sole purpose is to increase the size of the flock, be it tribal or religious or whatever.

Okay, I don't want to come off as a cynic who is completely disillusioned with the institution of marriage, which by the way I'm not despite of my serious misgivings. But then if one manages to scratch past the superficial romantic ideals commonly associated with marriage one finds that legalized marriage is a way for a specific society to protect itself from being culturally diluted, maintaining its raison d'etre, and thus protecting itself from any existential threat by virtue of the numbers game. In other words, to preserve or even increase the size of its flock. Marriage in a way is a mutually-benefiting endeavor, not just between the bride and the groom but also between the couple and the specific social group they belong to. Freud stipulates that sex is one of the two most underlying traits of human nature and motivation (aggression is the other one), which needs to be satisfied, one way or the other. But then in societies where cultural and religious integrity is highly valued, sex, at least the procreation part of it, is an activity that needs to be jealously guarded and closely supervised. Hence any hot-blooded member of the said tribe raging with hormones wanting to engage in carnal pleasures that might lead to the preservation of one's own genealogical line has to have the imprimatur of the authority before doing so. The religious or cultural vanguards give their official blessing, under strict guidelines of course, while the couple gets to keep one of their Freudian basic needs in check; thus, the mutually-benefiting agreement. People get to copulate and reproduce while the tribal leaders have the peace of mind knowing that the flock will remain intact and might even increase in size.

I might be over-intellectualizing the whole utility of the marriage institution but at least on the statistical front I think my views on marriage as overrated and under-appreciated are justified. In general about half of marriages end up in divorce - there are official figures somewhere but again I'm too lazy to find them - and this is not including unhappy and abusive marriages. I sat through divorce proceedings in Kuala Lumpur Syariah Court a couple of years ago and remember being amazed at the ease and rate of people (Muslims in this case) get divorce. I asked the judge during lunch break if it's common to have so many divorces in one day, and he said that on the average there are about 15-20 divorce cases on the daily docket. People get divorced as easily as they get married, which shows how much value they put on the whole marriage institution itself. On a more personal note I'm at the stage of my life where most of friends are married with kids, and guess what, a lot of them are divorced too. Some who still remain married are not happy and simply bear with it for the sake of their children and other people's perception. Worse of all, some of them end up having mistresses or illicit affairs or even patronize prostitutes on a regular basis. Mind you that these are people I know extremely well, some for almost all of my life, and they are not shy in sharing all the details.

Like I said before I have nothing against the marriage institution; only well-founded wariness and healthy skepticism. I do realize that happiness and harmony in marriage are not guaranteed and it still takes a leap of faith on one's part despite all the precautions taken. But I believe that it's a calculated risk that can be managed carefully if one is deliberate and patient enough. The mistake is to rush headlong into this binding contract with nary an idea of what is needed to make it work or that one is even compatible with each other. I remember reading an article in the NY Times some time ago about a longitudinal study being done to look at happy and unhappy marriages. The findings state that a happy marriage typically consists of a couple who complement each other and always provide new challenges to the other person, be it physically or intellectually, so the marriage doesn't become stale and ossified. Ask yourself this question then if you're contemplating marriage or are already in one: What will your partner/spouse be like in five years time? Ten years? Twenty years? Will he or she still be as fascinating as when you first met him or her? Is this the person you want to grow old and ride into the sunset with? When I read that article I felt somewhat vindicated because that's exactly what I search for in a partner. Alas, at the time of this writing the search still continues.

Fateful Triangle

2011-05-25T00:52:00.004+08:00

It was the metaphorical shape I was trapped in, of which I'm trying to escape. It's bad enough when there's a conflict between the unknown elements that make up its tripartite dynamic but in my case the elements are well known to each other, which throw an additional wrench into the works. It's not simply the matter of cutting my losses and get the hell out of dodge as fast as I can. It involves people I care very much about, of whom I still intend to remain friends and hang out with in the future. Bridge-burning is simply not an option. It's difficult to say how much of the old dynamic has changed now and what are we to expect of each other in the future. Will there still be awkwardness and discomfort when we get together as a group a month from now? Or a year? Or three years? Only time can tell, and as the cliche goes "time heals all wounds." I believe that this is merely a superficial wound that doesn't take long to heal and barely leaves any permanent scar. Still I don't know for sure how long the healing process will take and my fear is that if left unattended it can fester into a life-threatening gangrene. Thus, as painful as the healing process is right now, an action has to be taken to prevent further deterioration down the road. I'm still not entirely sure what entails as the best course of action and I don't even know if my leaving for Berlin will help with the healing/normalization process. For now I just want to go back to KL and clear my mind. We'll see how it goes from there.

p/s: The title of this post is taken from Noam Chomsky's famous book on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.

Back in the ink (or pixel) again

2011-05-24T00:39:00.009+08:00

It seems pathetic that it takes an unrequited romance to get me back to blogging again, after a 5-month hiatus. I mean what else am I supposed to do? I can barely get a shut-eye and my mind is too scatter-shot for reading or even watching TV for that matter. A better way to sort out this emotional mess is to talk to a trusted confidant but since I'm lacking that option for now the next best therapeutic thing for me to do is write. By the way, I'll wait until I get back to KL this weekend to talk with my confidant.

As always, after going through such emotional turmoil, I would make an unshakable pledge to not ever allow myself a moment of weakness like this to happen again and to swear off any romantic relationship or an attempt at establishing one in the future. Of course I break it every time, though thankfully it is still a very rare occurrence. Also I think, fortunately in this case, I wasn't in that deep into the affair that if I was it could probably have resulted in a more serious (emotional) damage. Still, my guard was down and though I haven't really taken that proverbial leap of faith I was nonetheless hanging precariously on the precipice by the tip of my brittle fingernails. Now is the matter of pulling myself back up over the ledge, dusting myself off, and continuing on my life journey despite this little hiccup. How long will it take me to get back up on that ledge, put this momentary lapse of emotional acuity behind and trudge on to my merry ways still remains a question. Like all emotional trauma this one does hurt but I reckon it's not as bad as the previous ones and it shouldn't take me that long to bounce back up. We'll see.

p/s: I'm halfway done with Mario Vargas Llosa's "The Bad Girl" and I guess by sympathizing with the more romantically unfortunate and emotionally hapless protagonist it somehow has a sobering and calming effect on my currently tumultuous mind.

The Literature of Broken-heartedness

2011-05-23T22:06:00.005+08:00

I've always had an affinity for Latin American literature when it comes to mending broken heart. In my previous breakups I instinctively reached out to Pablo Neruda's love poems and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "Love in the Time of Cholera," for example. These past days I've been going through this same (crappy) emotion again. What I had hoped to turn into a romantic relationship didn't pan out in the end. After the hard truths were revealed I went home and started to pick up the only Latin American book I have with me at the time: "The Bad Girl" by Mario Vargas Llosa, this year's Nobel prize winner in Literature. The story is about a guy who keeps falling for the same woman who has been emotionally manipulating him for most of his life. He met her in various locales around the world through various stages in his life with her assuming various incarnations each time, and in each encounter his heart was crushed mercilessly. Well, the story specifically is not that relevant to my current romantic context but the overarching theme of longing for the unattainable and to be frustrated at every attempt in attaining it certainly resonates well with me and my dismal history of romance. Besides the book I'm beginning to think that I probably need to "mandi bunga" or something just to get rid of this dark curse of bad romance! Oh well...c'est la vie!

As the curtain falls...

2010-12-31T20:25:00.004+08:00

How time flies! Yeah, I know it's a cliche but it's especially so for me in 2010. I've achieved quite a number of things in 2010 as I keep finding ways to challenge and improve myself. One huge milestone was to quit smoking. As of today it has been 5 months since I had my last drag of a Dunhill. I would rank this achievement high up there along with other major milestones in my life. 2010 has also been a witness to a much fitter, healthier and stronger me. I'm in the best shape of my life - at least for as long as I can remember. I ran my first race a few weeks ago - the Malakoff 12km race - and was awash with the sweat of pride and achievement as I crossed the finish line (in a respectable time I might add). I never thought for the life of me I'd be able to run that far (without stopping even once) but I did it. Physically I can see myself transforming too - for the better. I've never really had a six-pack abs before but now I have one. I've been receiving compliments on my physique from people especially at the gym, which certainly helps in keeping up the motivation to do better.

Professionally I feel like I'm on the right track finally. I'm starting to fit in comfortably with my faculty and my colleagues have accepted me as their peer. Teaching went smoothly and I relish every opportunity to stand in-front of the lecture hall and engage my students in the enlightening topic of the day. I also finally finished my long overdue research proposal, which I sent out to a few academics and gotten very good feedback and encouraging remarks in return. I'm especially delighted about this research proposal since it took me a while - more than a year to be exact - to come up with a solid research question and hypothesis. I'm also doubly delighted that my proposal is well-liked by the people I'll be working with at the Australian National University in Canberra.

Yeah, it has been a pretty good 2010 for me. So, what is there to look forward too in 2011? First off I really need to finish my PhD and right now it's either going to be in Australia or Germany. I also hope that USM's budget will improve in 2011, so I don't have to rely and beg for outside funding. My current research proposal might need a few tweaking but I think overall it's pretty solid and almost ready to be implemented out on the field. Physically I'm ready to run a much longer race. I'm targeting the half-marathon (21km) in the Standard Chartered KL Marathon on June 26 and maybe a full marathon (42km) by year end. Recently I've started flipping through triathlete magazines and it seems like a very worthy goal to shoot for. It means that I have to work harder on my swimming pace and endurance as I've already had a good head start on running and biking. To finish a full marathon is a HUGE accomplishment in and of itself but to finish a triathlon... right now I can only dream and I'll cross that proverbial bridge when I get there.

Here's to a fitter, healthier, and more challenging 2011. Happy New Year y'all.

Contemplating a PhD in Humanities?

2010-10-27T23:59:00.002+08:00

This is just too funny yet so true - at least for people who go to graduate school in the US

The Big Durian is really a fucked-up mess

2010-10-27T23:00:00.007+08:00

Flood @ Jl. Sudirman, near Central Jakarta, where many corporate and government offices are located at
Flood @ Jl. Sabang, at the heart of the tourist district in the city (the famous Sabang Food Center)
Flood @ Kemang Raya, south Jakarta, a hip area to hang out in the city
Those of you who have been to Jakarta know how chaotic and messed up the city is. I've never had much love much for the city though I've been there a gazillion times. It's dirty, polluted, completely unorganized, crowded, almost green-less and devoid of charms (except the old city). Plus it gets severely flooded every year without failed, which I once had the misfortune of experiencing in 2008. While I do sympathize with many of my Indonesian friends (and some Malaysians) who are currently living in the city and have to endure this hellhole, in a way I feel really vindicated by the massive flood that inundated Jakarta last Monday. When my former Indonesian l'amour unceremoniously dumped me one of the reasons she gave was that Jakarta is her city, where she works and socializes with her friends. It's unimaginable for her to ever leave the city. I responded that it's a city beyond redemption, an overcrowded wasteland of glitzy malls amidst teeming slums and snarling gridlock. It's not a very conducive place to live, and it boggles the mind why people would want to live there if they have the option of living in a much better environs somewhere else. So, when the flood happened part of me felt great and completely redeemed, which almost led me wanting to post gloating, in-your-face remarks on Facebook and Twitter (common sense and empathy took over at the last minute). Anyway, here's an article in the Jakarta Globe about the flood and its attendant traffic jam last Monday.

The embodiment of my [no] life

2010-10-15T20:39:00.011+08:00

They say dream is like a movie playback of our subconscious mind, our deepest fear, our secret longing, our unattainable hope. I also happen to think the dreams one dreams of is a good indicator what kind of life one leads during the waking hours. And to be honest, I have no life!

The last couple of dreams I am able to recall involve my two only preoccupations at this time: politics and working out. Last week I had a dream that Anwar Ibrahim, the Opposition leader in Malaysia, came to my gym to give a talk about protein supplement, dish out dietary tips, and - brace yourself for this! - show the proper technique and form for deadlift. For a guy who is known to have a serious back problem, among other physical ailments, from being tortured in prison his deadlift form was simply mind-blowing! Anyway, it was seriously weird, to say the least.

This afternoon, while indulging in my regular siesta, I had another working out dream. In this one I was rebutting my brother's claim that doing dumbbell flyes (a form of chest workout) is bad for one's arms when it's combined (supersetted) with other chest exercises such as bench press, barbell press, etc. I told him that it's simply not true because flyes require the exertion of pectoral (chest) muscles to move the weight while minimizing the use of one's arms. Hence it's a perfect exercise if one plans to superset it with other chest workouts in order to completely exhaust the pectoral muscles. The reason being one's arms muscles (particularly triceps and forearms) are much smaller than one's pectoral muscles, so they tire out first before one's pectoral gets a full workout. The ultimate goal of working out is to completely exhaust the muscles, so they can repair themselves and get bigger and stronger. That's why it's good to occasionally do supersets (doing two exercises consecutively without rest) to completely "destroy" the intended muscles.

The funny thing is that while I was explaining all these stuffs my dad walked into the room - and I immediately stopped talking, as a sign of disgust (refer to September 25, 2010 post). I then resumed talking once he left the room. I also remember talking in a very raspy, sand-papery voice as if I'm under the weather. But then it hits me that I just got an sms from Leen, who is currently back home in Johor after contracting dengue. I guess my gravelly voice is a way for me to empathize with her predicament, as the voice symbolizes my sharing of her suffering.

In all I think my dreams aka my subconscious mind is trying to tell me that I basically have no life, which is true. Right now my two obsessions are politics (teaching and researching) and working out (at the gym or outside running). I also go hiking in the Penang National Park almost every weekend, which in a way can also be counted as part of my cardio workout - though in the fun factor it beats 20-minute treadmill running by a mile. I guess overall I'm pretty happy and satisfied with my life as it is though I could use a bit more motivation to produce more academic writing. And also maybe a big bike like a Triumph Street Triple 675R to tool around town.

p/s: Towards the end of the second dream a man (presumably a gym instructor or a dietitian) came in to talk to me. He told me that my body fat is 19 percent, to which I vehemently replied impossible because the last time I checked it was around 11-12 percent and it's not like I've been gobbling down jelly doughnuts and fried chickens all this time. I guess this goes to show how obsessed I am now with my physique and fitness level, so much so that it even haunts my dream. By the way, my target is to get my body fat percentage down to single digit.

Ignorance is bliss, or so they say

2010-10-01T01:33:00.007+08:00

I found it hilarious that Malaysian PM, Najib Razak, offered to send Islamic scholars to the US to help educate the American people about the faith. Here's a quote from him: "The most important step is to provide [the Americans] the basic knowledge about Islam." As an American-educated person I thought the idea is really inane and a mere publicity stunt. My years of toiling in the American higher education system informs me that it should be the other way instead. The US has never lacked any Islamic scholars. Islamic Studies programs and courses are the main staple in most universities all over the country. Even a lot of high schools now offer some form of Islamic Studies course as an elective. Quite a few famous Islamic intellectuals have made the US their home like Syed Hosein Nasr at George Washington University in Washington DC; John Esposito, John Voll and Yvonne Haddad at Georgetown University in Washington DC; Ingrid Mattson at the Hartford Seminary, Connecticut; Juan Cole and Mark Tessler at University of Michigan, and others. Georgetown University establishes the world renowned Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding to help foster interfaith understanding and tolerance - as its name explicitly states. Basically there seems to be no short supply of resources to educate the American public about Islam. So why the gimmick to send Malaysian Islamic scholars to the US? How are these "jaguh kampung" more knowledgeable than the many world-famous Islamic scholars who currently reside in the US?

I also found it hilarious how Malaysian government always adopt the schizophrenic approach to burnish its "Islamic image" - no offense to people who are actually suffering from the mental disorder. Internationally, Malaysian government always claim that it's part of the Muslim ummah, the Islamic brotherhood and solidarity of all Muslim countries. It claims that Islam is a universal faith that transcends race and ethnicity. But domestically, it does a complete about-face. Religion (read: Islam) is now equated to race/ethnicity (read: Malay). Islam is no longer universal; it becomes tribalistic. Malay equals Islam, and vice versa. It's even entombed in the Federal Constitution (Article 160). What's the reason for this obvious psychological disorder? It's all about politics and the protection of status quo (interests of the elites). It has zip to do with religion.

It's true that the American public in general is in serious need of education about Islam (and other religions for that matter). A recent test done by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life has shown that majority of Americans, especially those who claim to be believers, don't have much clue about religions, even their own. As I've mentioned before, the reason for this knowledge deficiency is not because of lack of resources. It's simply that the voice of sanity and rationality is being drowned out by the shit-stirring provocateurs on mainstream media, who care more about TV and radio ratings than fostering a healthy discourse on the topic. The proposal to build the Islamic Center near Ground Zero in NYC is a perfect example. Unless the American mainstream media finally acknowledges its responsibility to provide a well-balanced and level-headed report to the public, it doesn't matter how many Islamic scholars are there in the US. People will keep getting their "education" from such media hucksters like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Fox News, etc.

p/s: I took the test and scored 100 percent. Seriously, it's a piece of cake!

I have NO father!

2010-09-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

The title above is the literal truth. People who know me well know how strenuous my relationship has been with my dad, but what he did last night was simply beyond the pale and completely erased whatever little goodwill I have left for him. This two-timing son-of-a-bitch decided to tell the whole family that he wanted to take on a second wife!! Well, I wasn't there in KL but the rest of the family was. My brother stormed off in the middle of the announcement and immediately called me.

Right now it's just impossible for me to describe how angry I am and how much hate I have towards him. That decision to take on a second wife is so wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin. My whole body is shaking with rage and anger that almost makes me want to drive back to KL tonight and punch this cheating bastard in his smug-looking face. As of tonight, I officially disown my father! Yup, I have no father and I will tell people that I'm an orphan or that my father died when I was really young and I have no memory of him at all.

Okay, here are the facts that make people wonder what the fuck is wrong with this degenerate fucker to ever decide to do something stupid like this. He's 64 years old this year. Yup, that's not a typo. Sixty-fucking-four years old! It's the age Malay people would call "kubur dah panggil mari." The woman he plans on marrying is our Indonesian maid, who is a 30-something year old widow with two kids. I'm not sure if this woman has agreed to his demented wedding proposal but if she has any shred of decency then she has to refuse it. But the most fucked up thing is that this is NOT the first time he's ever done something like this. As far as the family knows this is his third betrayal. The last one, which happened just a couple of years ago, he secretly married our former maid from Medan. This went on for a while until the lies and deception became too obvious to be covered up. He has never once apologized to the whole family for his indiscretions and only told my mom he had divorced that woman. Who the fuck even knows if this is true or not. What's even worse is that he had the temerity to quote Islamic teachings such as helping out the poor widows, qada' and qadar (fate) and others to justify his lust to have a much younger wife.

What really gets my blood boiling is the implication on my mom. This is the woman who has tolerated all his bullshits and shenanigans for the past 38 years. The woman who never once shirk her wifely duty such as cooking, cleaning the house while working a full-time job. The woman who tended to his every whims and stayed with him when he was seriously ill in the hospital (car accident, kidney stone operation, double bypass heart surgery), The woman who has never demanded any material luxuries such as gold, diamonds and fine clothes from him because she has her own career as a nurse with her own income. The woman who is quite a looker even in her golden years. The woman who has the patience of a saint. In short, the perfect wife! What men in their right fucking mind would ever cheat on a woman like my mom??? Fucking ungrateful bastards are what they are!

I talked to my mom yesterday about this issue (we all knew that he had been cheating behind her back) but I never once thought that he had the gall to make his perverted behavior official and a public knowledge by announcing it to the whole family. We originally thought he had intended to apologize for his past indiscretions when he called for a family gathering but boy, were we so wrong! He was goddamn lucky that I wasn't there in person to bash his face back into his asshole. Anyway, I still haven't had the chance to talk to my mom and will call her first thing in the morning. My only advice to her is to move out of the house back to my grandma's (her mom's) village in Melaka. Just leave that fucker alone in the house to feed himself and wash his own clothes.

I'm so mad right now that my hands are shaking and I can barely type on my laptop, much less putting a coherent thought in a post. I don't even know what to do with this fucker anymore. We barely speak to each other as it is and I don't think cursing him out is going to change much. The first thing is to try to get my mom out of the house. My brother has already decided to stay with my sister or his friends. The maid in question is currently staying at my sister's place taking care of my 3-year old nephew. As for me, the only reason to go home is to get my stuffs in the bedroom (mostly books) and I'll probably come back after midnight so I don't have to see his sex-crazed face anymore. As of today I don't have a father anymore!

Off the cancer sticks for good!

2010-08-01T00:21:00.004+08:00

Let it be known that as of today, Sunday, August 1, 2010, is the day I'm quitting cigarettes for good. Yep, you heard right. No more puffs for me. Honestly I've never tried to quit smoking before but I have a feeling that this one will go smoothly. Like I said I had been smoking about 3-4 cigarettes a day for the past few months, so I guess cutting down to zero shouldn't be too difficult - I hope! Anyway, it seems like I tend to quit one vice every ten years. I stopped drinking alcohol almost ten years ago in October 2000, much to the surprise of some of my (American) friends. They got used to it after a while especially when I told them I would still hang out at the bars with them shooting pool and playing air hockey but only that I would be drinking juices or Coke instead.

My immediate goal now is to be as fit as possible and ultimately be able to run a half-marathon (26km/13 miles) in decent time. Another goal is reduce my body fat (BF) percentage to single digit. My current BF percentage is about 12-13 percent. One thing I don't want to do is to lose fat at the expense of muscle development. It means doing cardio at the appropriate time (preferably after weight-lifting or on non-lifting days) and take in enough protein and slow-burning carbs to prevent the catabolic effect (when the body devours muscles for extra energy and makes them shrink).

My mom will be so ecstatic when she hears this news but you know what, I'm not going to tell her (or anybody in my family) any time soon. I'll probably wait until my birthday in September (after Idul Fitri) to break the news to everyone - unless, of course, if they've already known about it through this blog post.

Today is the dawn of what I hope to be a much healthier, fulfilling, and productive life. Man, I feel much younger already!

A gym rat, or the equivalent of it

2010-07-28T00:15:00.004+08:00

I guess I'm officially a gym rat now. Yes, I'm addicted to working out at the gym. Well, I've been going to the gym on and off over the years but only in the past year I've started spending serious time there. I've always preferred playing sports and other outdoor activities as my means of fitness but life in Penang does get a bit boring and lonely sometimes, which leads me going to the gym more often.

I've certainly had the motivation for being a fitness addict now. As I've stated previously, I've lost about 14 kilos since October last year and I've never been in much better shape than I am today. I can run 10km without huffing my lungs out and my muscles are more toned and defined. Heck, I can even see my abs muscles now though only the four squares of the upper abs; the lower ones and the obliques are still slightly covered by the stubborn subcutaneous fat.

This new development makes me feel a bit reluctant to go back to KL as frequently as I used to. Going home to KL means a disruption in my workout routine and uncontrolled diet. I feel bad for my mom because she cooks the most amazing food in the world and I either eat little of it or pick and choose the dish. But I believe that my mom is somewhat used to it by now after listening to my endless lecture about good and balanced diet. The only exercise I get at home in KL is running around my residential area for about 5km, which I do enjoy quite a bit since it makes me aware of the little things I've missed while being away for so long.

Yeah, I'm pretty serious into this fitness/workout stuff now. I watch my daily protein/carb/fat intake and - brace yourself for this! - I'm down to my last pack of smokes, by which I mean the last pack before I quit. I've been smoking about 3-4 cigarettes a day anyway, and to tell the truth I don't miss smoking all that much. The question now is why do I need to offset my hard work by continuing to puff on the cancer sticks? The target now is to be able to run at least a half marathon (21km or 13 miles) within a year, which I think is highly doable.

Personally I prefer weightlifting over cardio, and too much cardio is actually not good for muscle development. But at the very least I want to be fit and able to compete competitively in sports. Even at the gym right now I only do a short 10-minute cardio for warming-up and later after the weightlifting session I would run or bike for about 20 minutes or so. I guess it's just enough cardio to burn fat but maybe not enough to make me truly fit.

Anyway, contrary to what many people believe, lifting weights can help tremendously with fat burning depending on what kind of muscles a person is working on. If a person is working out his/her biceps then obviously not much fat is going to be used because biceps muscles are small and the body doesn't need to convert much fat into energy for training that particular muscles. But if a person is doing squat, the king of all exercises, then much more fat will be burned because the body needs a huge amount of energy to move the big lower body muscles like the quadriceps, thighs, glutes (butts), and calves. That is why the most exhausting workout day of the week is always the leg day. I'm always out of breath after an 8 reps x 4 sets of squat and my legs feel like jelly afterward - in conjunction with other leg exercises such as lunge, leg press, calf raise, leg curl, etc.

Why is it an addiction then? Well, I look forward to go to the gym all the time and if I somehow can't make it I feel restless and lethargic. I also literally get high after an intense workout session - I believe it's called the "endorphin high" or something like that, only that this is a good kind of high. Also I've been getting compliments from other gym members on my lean physique and that definitely serves as a strong enough motivation. Even some gym members cannot believe how old I am considering how well I look physically. Nothing makes an old man happier than that! Alrighty, then. Now I have to go plan my workout for tomorrow.

New semester, New language

2010-07-27T00:55:00.005+08:00

Oh my, I just realized that I haven't posted anything for over two months. But it's alright, I guess. I've had this peak-and-valley writing experience throughout the six years I've had this blog. Yep, six freakin' years! I started this blog in August 2004 after my personal website for two years went defunct - it's much easier letting professional deal with web maintenance than me tweaking the shit out the HTML codes.

Anyway, the new semester had started for about two weeks now. I'm feeling more and more comfortable at the university as I get to know most of my colleagues and the ways to navigate through the stifling bureaucratic maze. I'm teaching three courses this semester: Malaysian Studies for international students (my usual course), Introduction to Political Science (a huge 300-student mandatory course, which I'm co-teaching with a senior lecturer), and Research Methodology (a year-long required course for Masters students, which I'm co-teaching with two other junior lecturers).

I still haven't had the opportunity to teach the large Intro to Political Science course yet but it's the one I'm a bit worried about. No, it's not the class size and I have no problem at all talking in-front of a big audience. It's just that the course has to be taught in Malay, and I'm not sure how good a teacher I'll be if I teach in Malay. Don't get me wrong, I'm a native Malay speaker but my academic training has been all in English. It means that all the jargon, concepts and theories I know are in English. The thought of having to translate all that to Malay, or worse, forgetting what those terms mean in Malay in-front of 300 pairs of staring eyes, does give me a bit of a chill.

But at the same time I'm curious to find out what it's like to teach in Malay. Or at least know if I can teach as effectively as I do in English. By the way, the other two courses are taught in English. My Malaysian Studies course is not as big as last semester. It only has about 80 students so far, as opposed to 138 last semester. The Research Methodology course is a seminar/lecture type of class, which has about 20 Masters students, a mix of locals and foreigners (Middle East and Europe). It's somewhat interesting because I'm teaching this course with an Anthropologist and a Development specialist, which means that each one of us comes with a somewhat different research background. We've divided the course based on our respective strengths and preferences, so everything seems to be smooth sailing for now.

So yeah, it's a hectic semester for me and I'm bit worried that I will not be able to get any writing done especially my still unfinished research proposal. I guess I only have myself to blame for taking my procrastination habit a bit too far - and the recent World Cup also has to assume part of the responsibility. Anyway, I'm looking to have a great semester at the university.

p/s: I've been told by the admin people that I come highly regarded within the faculty. Kak Amnah, the head of human resource, said that she had been congratulated by a few senior Chinese lecturers for hiring me since it's not often that Malay lecturers to get this kind of recognition. Yes, there's somewhat a racial divide within the department and it's nice to be able to transcend that, at least on an individual level. I guess this is something to be proud of.

Who's Been Paying Attention

2010-05-10T03:27:00.002+08:00

I just turned in my class's final exam grades for the semester, which means I'm home free for the next two months. Woohoo! 136 students took the final exam and 10 got an A while at the bottom end 5 got an F. It means that 7.3 percent got an A and 3.7 percent got an F, which I guess is neither good nor bad. In other words I'm neither too strict nor too lenient. In a general sense though, if I'm allowed to make a rough extrapolation of students who were really paying attention in my class and prepared well for the final exam (I use grades B and above as my benchmark), the number is actually less than half of the total students (63 students or roughly 47 percent). This seems a bit disappointing.

Considering that I gave my students the essay questions and terms-to-identify list two weeks before the final exam I had somewhat expected that more students would do well. Also I didn't originally plan to give out any grades less than C- but some students just didn't make any effort at all and simply couldn't care less. 14 students or about 10.4 percent received grades less than C-. The final exam grade makes up 60 percent of the overall grade, so it is hugely significant. I have no way to compare the students' final exam grade with their coursework grade (the other 40 percent) since the final exam was graded via the students' index numbers, not their names.

But the rule of thumb suggests that generally those who did well in their coursework would also do well in their final exam but there was no way to tell for sure. Overall I think I did a fair job in grading their coursework and final exam and I tended to err on the lenient side by bumping those with borderline grades to the next highest ones. Anyway I'm glad that all the paperwork's done and now I can fully focus on my research proposal and the upcoming World Cup 2010.

Missing the point

2010-05-04T23:33:00.004+08:00

I tend to blaze through my workout routine but sometimes I do sneak a peek at what others are doing in the gym, mostly for inspiration but occasionally for sheer entertainment. There's this Indian guy who only does upper body workout and nothing else, which makes him look like a very buff Mr. Potato Head: bulging pecs and arms complemented by a pair of reed-thin legs. There are also a couple of Indian guys who always work out in tandem. Both are obviously overweight with the belly to show for but never once I see them do any cardio exercises. They always monopolize the abs crunching bench, much to my annoyance, and pull up their shirts in-front of the mirror after every abs crunch set to see if there's any reduction in belly fat. Today, one of the said guys actually pulled up his shirt while twisting his body on the oblique equipment. He was facing the mirror, of course. And later when I went down to have a drink of my usual 100 plus at the mamak place I saw them both each ordered a big helping of nasi dalcha and fried chicken. Yep, that's just what you need for a post-workout nourishment! There's also one scrawny Chinese kid who does the rounds on the weight machines in rapid succession without any regard to what specific muscles to focus on. He'd start his lightning-quick round from the various pecs machines to lat pull to shoulder press in maybe less than 10 minutes, and repeat it for a few more times.

I'm not sure why some people do what they do at the gym - and do it without any clue whatsoever. Maybe they're just too proud to ask for guidance from the instructors, afraid of looking less "macho" in-front of other gym rats. This is after all a place where you can almost cut the testosterone-laden air with a knife.

For the two Indian guys trying to work off their belly fat they are missing on a basic fact of human anatomy: fat and muscles are two totally different types of tissues. Abs crunches only stimulate the abs muscles, not the subcutaneous fat that covers them. Yes, the abs muscles will become ripped and stronger after many, many crunches but they will be well-hidden behind the fat. The only way to blast those fat away is to sweat your ass off on the treadmill or the stationary bike or the rowing machine or do any of the aerobic workouts. Also gorging on nasi dalcha right after the workout is never a good idea.

As for the skinny Chinese kid building muscle mass requires focus and good planning. One should divide the weekly workout routine into various muscle groups in order to maximize the results. Usual 3 days a week routine, and mine as well, is as follow: pecs/triceps/delts (Monday), lats/traps/biceps (Wednesday) and lower-body (Friday), along with two or three cardio sessions (30 mins or so) and the requisite compound workouts like squat and dead lift. I also do abs crunches at the end of the overall workout.

This is not to say that I'm better than some people at the gym. It's just that if one wants to do something then do it right. Equip yourself with the knowledge and the know-hows. There are plenty of resources out there, so take your pick. Doing it blindly will only be a waste of your time and money with nothing to show for at the end of the day.

A minor setback but the battle wages on!

2010-04-26T01:48:00.006+08:00

I'm hugely disappointed that Pakatan lost the closely-fought Hulu Selangor by-election yesterday. The BN/UMNO candidate, Kamalanathan, won by a slim majority of 1,725 votes. I really feel for Zaid Ibrahim's loss as he's one of the few truly respectable and principled politicians in Malaysia. A win for Zaid Ibrahim would have been a win for all Malaysians who believe in justice and equality that transcend race, religion and ethicity. It would have been a win against the deeply entrenched corruption and abuse of power by the ruling BN regime. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

I'm still waiting to find out what is the by-election's voting breakdown according to races. Yes, it's really sad and pathetic to use the racial calculus in this modern-day election but that's the hard reality here in Malaysia. Hulu Selangor parliamentary district is a mixed constituency with 53% Malays, 26% Chinese, 19% Indians and less than 2% Orang Asli. It's almost a microcosm of the Malaysian racial demographics as a whole except that Hulu Selangor is mainly rural and semi-urban.

From what I've gleaned in the media so far it seems like the voting had gone as predicted except for some minor shifts that allowed BN/UMNO to eke out a victory. The Chinese voters, as expected, vote overwhelmingly for Pakatan (between 70%-80%), which means that the shift happened within the Indian and Malay communities. Despite the dispute in candidate selection between UMNO and MIC, I think a lot of Indians decided to back the Indian candidate, at least more than the percentage that elected the late Pakatan candidate in the 2008 election, whose death triggered this by-election. As for the Malay voters, since this a rural and semi-urban communities, the development and Islamic (read: moral) issues played a big role in shaping their minds.

Indian voters have been shown to be gradually leaning toward BN/UMNO in the past couple of years especially in the Bagan Pinang by-election October last year. I can't really pinpoint the exact reasons for this shift but one can always venture a guess: wealth of goodies showered by BN before the election; the impression that the PM, Najib Razak, is more amendable to the needs of the Indians; the refusal of Hindraf to play ball with Pakatan; and the false belief that their pressing needs would be best served by the government in power rather than the Opposition.

Malay voters, especially in the least developed areas, have always formed the backbone of UMNO support base. Without these Malay voters BN/UMNO would have lost the Peninsular Malaysia to Pakatan in the last election. The common strategy used by BN/UMNO to manipulate the rural Malays is two-prong: promise of development goodies and exploiting their unfounded fears of the non-Malay dominance or other racial and/or religious issues. In the Hulu Selangor's case BN/UMNO resorted to accuse Zaid Ibrahim of being "kaki botol" or an alcoholic by doctoring a picture of him cradling a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey. It was a despicable tactic, politics at its worst, but its objective was to strike at the moral and religious nerve of the rural Malays. Its implication was such that it could be perceived to create some kind of a personal distrust, be it class difference (Zaid was portrayed as an urban Malay elite who was out-of-touch with the rural Malays) or conflict of religious values (Zaid is not a good Muslim because he drinks alcohol) or both.

I'm not sure if this mud-slinging tactic actually worked but in a closely-fought election every bit of advantage helps. My take would be the development goodies and money that played a bigger role in ensuring BN/UMNO's majority support in the Malay communities. The RM 50,000 paid to each of the Malay Felda settlers in Sungai Buaya for the debt owed to them by government was probably the final nudge needed to push BN/UMNO over the finish file. It was a blatantly corrupt money politics, pure and simple!

All told BN/UMNO had spent RM 64 million (USD 20 million) in the past few weeks trying to win, or should I say buy, this election. It's impossible for Pakatan to match this staggering amount of campaign war chest. This is not including the gross manipulation of Federal agencies such as the Election Commissions, the police, Jabatan Hal-Ehwal Orang Asli (Aboriginal Affairs Department), FELDA and others to secure the votes on behalf of the ruling government. Still, a clear lesson one can take from the Hulu Selangor by-election is this: bread-and-butter local issues still take precedence over national scandals and controversies especially when the constituents are less sophisticated and don't have much access to alternative media and news sources. In this respect BN/UMNO has the advantage because it can immediately release its money tap and shower these communities with various development goodies. If the battle had been fought purely on the ideological arena Pakatan would have won handily as BN/UMNO has been proven time and again to be ideologically and morally bankrupt. Unfortunately material and emotional (racial and religious) issues still resonate strongly among many voters.

I wonder when the Malaysian electorate in general will be mature and educated enough to move beyond their own individual and communal needs for the sake of a more democratic and just Malaysia? Nevertheless Pakatan can take heart that it had managed to acquire an increase of over 4,000 votes compared to the 2008 election, which shows that it still has plenty of support on the ground and the loss has not been in vain. Now it's time to pick itself up again and work hard to win the ultimate prize, Putra Jaya, in the upcoming 13th general election. A battle is lost but the war goes on!

Drowning in the blue sea of mediocrity

2010-04-23T00:25:00.004+08:00

I'm swamped by the sea of blue answer books for the final exams. 137 blue books to be exact. It's a mind-numbing work grading these scripts. I'm also a bit pissed and disappointed at the quality of answers provided by these students of mine. The disappointment doesn't come without a good reason though. I gave my class the essay questions and the terms identification list 2 weeks before the final exam, fully expecting that they would be better prepared and be able to write well-articulated answers. Heck, I was wrong - at least up to this point since I still have about half of the blue books to slog through. But the signs are plenty clear. Majority of these kids just don't give a shit! One of them even got caught cheating during the exam! Most of the answers are just verbatim recitation from my lecture notes with almost non-existent critical analysis and independent thinking.

It just goes to show how impoverished their minds are as shown by their lack of critical thinking skills. I've been trying all semester long to drill into their heads the concept and practice of critical thinking and independent analysis but as the final exam has proven it was all for naught. I wonder if it's too late to introduce and teach critical thinking skills at the university level since from my personal experience American students are exposed to this kind of learning since high school or even earlier. It's just a matter of refining the critical thinking skills once they get to the college level. Based on the observation of my students, North Americans and Europeans are much better in critical thinking than the ones from China and the Middle East. It's obvious that open and liberal societies produce more critically-minded students; hence, better students. I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

A closed and repressive society has a top-down and very rigid hierarchy. It means that the people are trained and indoctrinated to never question authority and to always follow orders from the top. Uniformity and conformity are the required norms. All facets of life is highly structured and regulated. Dissents via critical thinking are considered a threat and social taboo. I wonder if the students who grow up in this kind of socio-political environment are able to free their minds from this life-long indoctrination. I thought that I had a whole semester to steer them out of their very restricted monochromatic worldview and to see life from various different perspectives. Alas, it ain't enough!

Losing it

2010-04-21T17:41:00.006+08:00

Quite a few people commented on my "thinness" recently. I guess that's an encouraging sign. October last year, right after Idulfitri, I weighed 94 kilos (207 lbs), which was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. By the way, I'm about 6 feet tall (1.83 meter), so proportion-wise I still looked okay. But then I was feeling bloated and some people even mentioned how "chubby" I looked. I really let myself go when I came back to Malaysia, eating anything and everything under the sun with callous disregard for nutritional value and calorie count. I had no one but myself to blame. I love food too much. I had maintained a weight of around 88 kilos (194 lbs) for the past couple of years, which is not bad but not that great either. I know could do better.

The reason I was able to maintain my weight in the US, despite regular consumption of junk food and irregular eating habits, was that I had an active lifestyle. I rode my bike everyday and everywhere. I played soccer, basketball and tennis regularly. I swam at the university's pool and hit the gym occasionally. When I came back to Malaysia early last year my life all of the sudden became sedentary. I was eating much more than usual and exercising much less. There's no other way to describe it. I was a pig. Nasi lemak, roti telur, briyani gam, teh tarik, nasi kandar and all the great yet heart-clogging Malaysian food were the order of the day. I ate from breakfast until the early morning supper the next day. I didn't even think twice about when to eat or what I eat. Eating had become a full time pursuit of unfettered pleasure. It culminated in last year's Idulfitri when my weight finally hit its all-time high, and I decided something had to be done to stop this madness before it became more serious.

I joined a gym near campus last October as this guilt of obesity started to become overwhelming. I think it's paying off as evidenced by the weight-loss and the compliments from others. Today when I weighed myself at the gym the scale tipped at 83 kilos (183 lbs). It means that I've lost 11 kilos (24 lbs) in the last six months. That's not too shabby I'd say especially considering that I didn't spend that much time at the gym anyway. In a given week I might go to the gym 3-4 times for about an hour or so of workout. There were also times when I didn't go for 2-3 weeks especially when I'm traveling or back home in KL. But when I work out I tend to do it seriously and with a clear sense of purpose. That's why I don't spend more than an hour at the gym. I blaze through my planned cardio workouts and weight sessions for the day and be done with. I don't spend much time admiring my sweat-glistened muscles on the mirror like some of the guys at the gym. Just a quick 60-second pause between sets then off to another weight or cardio session.

Another major contributor to the weight-loss is the balanced and highly nutritional diet. I very rarely drink soda and eat fast food, so avoiding these types of junk food is not a problem at all. I do find myself cooking and eating at home more often, which is the best way to watch one's diet. Be sure to stock up on a lot of veggies, lean meat, fish, chicken breast, whole grain anything (pasta, bread, oatmeal, cookies, etc) and fruits. Also I've been eating less fried food and more steamed or roasted stuffs. I even bought a steamer recently. Healthy and balanced eating goes hand-in-hand with exercises and work outs. You cannot do one without the other. Do these often enough they will become a habit and your body will start to adapt to this new healthy lifestyle - and this is what I'm shooting for right now. Well, I still do food binging once in a while so as not to completely deprive myself of the great pleasures in life. What's the point of living in Malaysia if one cannot enjoy its world-renowned food!

I fucking swear!

2010-04-15T03:56:00.005+08:00

There's this interesting article in the NY Times that discusses the topic of cussing. I personally don't cuss very much especially as I get older. I still remember my young careless days when I used to cussed like a rum-soaked sailor. Not so much anymore, but when I do cuss I tend to do it with much gusto. One of the writers in the article mentions that a person finds it natural to cuss in his/her native language. It makes me wonder what language do I usually use when I cuss. The cuss has to be spontaneous and un-contrived. In other words it has to be naturally expressed, and I notice that I tend to do a lot of cussing when I'm driving - like every other driver on the road, I guess. Since driving in itself is a neutral, non-verbal act it means that any spontaneous verbal outburst would be expressed in one's own native language, as the presupposition goes. It got me thinking. I find myself cussing in both Malay and English when I'm driving, which, I guess, effectively makes me a bilingual native speaker. I realize that I have no control of what cuss words that come out of my mouth. It can easily be "pukimak kau" or "stupid motherfucker" for all I know. It then leads to another curiousity: in its natural resting state what language does my mind use? Do I dream in Malay or English? But then again, what the fuck do I know?

Pad Thai Democracy

2010-04-13T22:49:00.008+08:00

It's an interesting time to be in Thailand right now especially in Krungthep (Bangkok). This is the redux of the mass protests in 1973 that brought down the military regime, the 1976 counter-movement (Hok Tula - October 6) that toppled the democratic government and ushered back the authoritarian regime, and the 1992 protest that kick-started Thailand on the path of democracy again. A friend of mine, who's Thai-Malaysian (born and raised in Malaysia but her grandparents were from Thailand), asked me for a summary of the current conflict in Bangkok, about what really happens and what are the root causes. Here's my sort of lengthy response to her question:

Thailand actually has a very interesting political history, and except for the frequent coups, it's actually not that different from ours. It's a constitutional monarchy just like us with the same parliamentary system. The situation in Thailand now is actually nothing new. In a nutshell it's actually a conflict between the elite/middle class in Bangkok and its surrounding area (the center) versus the mostly rural outer regions (periphery). Unlike Malaysia, where most of the population are concentrated in the urban areas especially Lembah Klang, in Thailand, most of the people live outside of Bangkok. It means that there's always tension between the center and the periphery, and it's made worse by the allocation of seats in the Thai parliament (90% of the seats are in the provinces). The provinces wield a lot of power by virtue of electoral strength and the minority elite/middle class in Bangkok doesn't like it very much especially when economic power is concentrated in the center.

So, in the 2005 general election, Thaksin's party, Thai Rak Thai (TRT) won an overwhelming majority in the parliament due to its huge popularity in the provinces. TRT came out with programs that appealed to the poor rural masses such as 30 baht health care and other anti-poverty measures. He also carried out a brutal but very popular anti-drug campaign in Bangkok where the police was given a free hand to murder drug dealers and gang members. Thaksin was the only PM in Thai history who managed to serve a full term without being overthrown by coup or simply kicked out. But this is not to say that Thaksin is a nice and clean politician; actually far from it. He used his vast wealth to buy votes and pay off other politicians to jump party and manipulated the "godfathers" (chao po), who are the real powers in the provinces, to "harvest the votes" for him. That, plus his TRT's populist platform, had resulted in an overwhelming electoral win.

Of course many of Thaksin's enemies in Bangkok didn't like it at all. They felt that he had grown too powerful for his own good - which he did - and needed to be taken out of power. The main sponsor of the anti-Thaksin group (the yellow-shirt) is the super wealthy media tycoon, Sondhi Limthongkul. He, along with other enemies of Thaksin including the pro-royalist faction led by the Privy Councillor Prem, managed to whip up mass support for deposing Thaksin. This was also helped by Thaksin's own arrogance and hubris especially when the ShinCorp scandal broke out (he refused to pay taxes on the sale of his telecommunication company, ShinCorp, to Temasek Holdings). There were also a lot of grumblings on the heavy-handed way Thaksin dealt with the separatists in the South. The Thai monarchy was also feeling threatened by the immense popularity of Thaksin, words on the ground told me that Thaksin actually controlled the royal princes and princesses by essentially putting them on his payroll.

In the end, the convergence of all these factors resulted in the 2006 military coup. Well, of course, the huge number of TRT (and Thaksin) supporters (the red-shirt) were not happy with this takeover because they believed - and rightly so - that it was Thaksin who should be in power because TRT had won the election overwhelmingly. Hence the political stalemate and the stand-off that last until today. It can generally be seen as a class-conflict between the rural peasants and the elite/middle class of Bangkok even though the leader of these rural peasants is the richest man in the country. It's hard to say which side is right. Even though Thaksin won the election - by dirty means nonetheless but where actually in the world can you find squeaky clean politics? - he had almost become a dictator, on par with the King, and this fact didn't sit well with the entrenched powers that-be in Bangkok. Instead of trying to depose Thaksin via democratic means i.e. election, they decided to take a short-cut and staged a military coup. I guess, in short, this conflict is not exactly black-and-white and there many shades of gray in between. Such is the nature of political conflict.

For a brief Q & A of the current crisis in Bangkok, refer to this BBC article.

Thai military so far has uncharacteristically promised not to intervene and has beseeched all feuding parties to find a peaceful political solution to end the conflict. It seems like there's a dissension among the military ranks and the support is divided between the two factions of the conflict. The military is not solidly behind one faction or the other. Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how long the military is willing to stand down.

The only way to end the conflict, I think, is to call for a fresh election, in which Thaksin's allies will surely to win handily. But then that is the nature of democracy and the best thing Thai government can do now is to close all the loopholes that had allowed Thaksin to operate with impunity and to also strengthen the rule of law in the country. The electoral laws also could use some tweakings, but most importantly there is a serious need for transparency and the professionalization of political parties. There must also be a provision that allows the political minority some stake in the decision-making process. A fully realized democracy is the one that protects the rights of the political minority, and not to impose the tyrannic rule of the majority.

The race is on!!

2010-04-12T05:23:00.007+08:00

The first race of the 2010 season started today and what a cracker it was! After a long five-month wait the opening race of the new season finally commenced at Losail GP in Qatar. If this is a harbinger of what's to come in the next 17 races then we are all in for a total edge-of-the-seat ride.

It was full of drama (read: crashes and close passes). Casey Stoner, the 2007 champion and last year's runners-up, crashed out after leading the race, which left Valentino Rossi, the MotoGP legend, to finish race in first place, though not without a very tough challenge from his Italian compatriot, Andrea Dovizioso. Yamaha got the 1-2 finishes with Rossi's team-mate, Jorge Lorenzo, squeezed into the second place in the last few laps after spending most of the race in fourth position. The close battle was actually between the third and fourth finishes as Ducati rider, Nicky Hayden, passed by Dovizioso in final two lap but was nicked (pun intended!) by the Honda rider at the checkered flag. I am a big fan of the "Kentucky Kid" aka Nicky Hayden and was rooting for him for a podium finish but alas it wasn't meant to be. Still, what a great start for Hayden in his second season racing for Ducati. My other favorite rider, the American, Ben Spies, raced superbly in his debut season in MotoGP by finishing fifth. Spies, by the way, was the former twice champion of the World Superbike Championship. He's super fast and super talented and I see nothing but great things ahead of him in future races. Another MotoGP rookie, Hiroshi Aoyama, also did commendably in his debut race. Aoyama, who was last season's 250cc champion, finished in tenth place ahead of the other former 250cc riders who joined MotoGP this season, Marco Simoncelli and Alvaro Bautista. Wow, what a great race to start the new season!

Man, I cannot wait for the Sepang GP in Malaysia this September (if the usual schedule doesn't change). Last year's race in Sepang was extra special as I got to witness Rossi clinched his sixth MotoGP title in person. It was truly magical!

Pot calling the kettle black

2010-04-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

A comment I wrote in response to Josh Hong's brilliant article in MalaysiaKini today: The irony of the two ethnocratic states is glaringly obvious yet it seems to go way past the vacuous heads of these Umnoputeras. As Josh has mentioned, ethnocracy boils down to the numbers game as the majority group tries in vain to sustain its perverted raison d'etre. Therefore, the majority number has to be maintained or increased by any means necessary, in which religion now has become a part of the equation. "Masuk Islam = Masuk Melayu" is one but many of the means used by the ethnocratic elites to maintain the numbers. Observe how easy it is for non-Muslims to convert to Islam - even without their knowledge sometimes - but it is next to impossible for the opposite to happen. Ditto for the new converts to Judaism who are then welcomed with open arms by the state of Israel as part of the Jews "right to return" policy. Religion and ethnocentrism make for a very potent and combustible mix indeed! The irony is lost on some Malay leaders who bash Israel for cheap political mileage.

Outsourcing Racism

2010-04-04T14:54:00.008+08:00

The belief in one's own racial supremacy or racism is a long discredited idea. Yes, racism is still very much alive and well in most parts of the world but its practice is now considered as anti-social and goes against the universal belief of human equality and progress. The fact that many white supremacy groups, while very actively organizing, have almost no support from the general population is a testament to the intellectual and moral bankruptcy of racist ideas. It means that to engage in outright racism, especially for the political elites, is no longer feasible and can prove to be a career suicide.

So what to do then especially if racist ideas still serve some form political utility to be exploited by the unscrupulous politicians? Well then, outsourcing is the obvious solution. Basically a practice du jour for most multinational corporations in the past decade or so to escape stringent labor laws at home by shifting parts of the operation overseas, outsourcing also finds its usefulness in other non-commercial sectors. The recent creation of a Malay supremacist group, Perkasa, is a perfect illustration of the political brand of outsourcing.

United Malay National Organisation (UMNO) is well known for its race-based policies that purportedly claim to fight on behalf of the interests and rights of Malaysian Malays. For the longest time, most of UMNO's vilest and toxic racist rhetorics are carried out by its main propaganda machine, Utusan Malaysia, UMNO's own youth wing and various Malay-rights "NGOs." UMNO leadership always feigns "ignorance" and "helplessness" when these groups spew their racist venom and incendiary remarks. So it comes as no surprise then when Perkasa storms onto the scene UMNO claims that it has the right, however narrow it is, to fight for Malay supremacy. In the words of the PM, Najib Razak, "Perkasa is not so extreme that it cannot be accommodated by the UMNO-led government" (Malaysiakini, April 3, 2010). This statement is wrong on so many levels but in essence it simply lays bare the sheer hypocrisy of the UMNO-led government.

Looking past all the rhetoric one can see that it's all about the numbers game i.e. maneuvering for the next election. Najib and the rest of the UMNO leadership know that they are fast losing the non-Malay votes to the Opposition as exemplified by the last general election and several by-elections thereafter. Something must be done to stem this unfavorable tide, and hence the UMNO geniuses came up with the "OneMalaysia" concept. It claims to treat all race and ethnicity as equal and that the government will no longer play favorites. It is simply a cynical ploy to lure the non-Malays back to the Barisan Nasional (BN) camp and its success still remains to be seen though I doubt that it will amount to anything.

At the same time UMNO also has to convince its Malay extremist supporters that it's not abandoning the long held belief in Malay supremacy and capitulating to the demands of the non-Malays. In the aftermath of the March 2008 political tsunami the Malay ultras are feeling more threatened and besieged by what they perceived as the rising political power of the non-Malays, especially represented by the Chinese-dominated Democratic Action Party (DAP). Therefore Najib and the UMNO leadership have to do something to appease this group and hopefully convince the Malay voters that the non-Malays will indeed take control of the political power in the country if left unchecked and UMNO is the only party capable of defending the Malays against this make-believe non-Malays onslaught.

To win convincingly in the next general election BN has to retain the support of its Malay voters (and get the young Malays to vote for UMNO) and bring some of the non-Malay voters back to its side. In order to walk this political tight-rope Najib ends up having speak from both sides of his mouth. His pathetic attempt to defend Perkasa is a perfect case in point. The rakyat is not dumb and they can smell a hypocrite from a mile away. As the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it too. The writings are on the wall for the UMNO-led government, and it's not the question of IF but WHEN it will be toppled down and assigned to the dustbin of history.

Bloody dramatic

2010-03-17T00:23:00.005+08:00

I think this is a bit too much. Man, what a waste! It makes more sense and a whole world of goodness to just donate this blood to the hospitals but I guess I'm the crazy and irrational one, right? That's 40 gallon of blood being senselessly poured onto the gate of the Government House in Bangkok. Seriously, I think using red paint or even cow/pig blood would have carried the same intended dramatic effect. Unless, of course, if some protesters decided to commit a mass harakiri, which would have certainly topped this inane human blood antic. Anyway, I'd love to give a political commentary on the crisis in Thailand right now but not really in a mood to do so. I'll save it for another time when I feel like being a political geek.

Lost in emotional confusion

2009-12-19T02:18:00.007+08:00

I consider myself an outspoken and expressive person by nature. I never bottle up my emotions and feelings, be they sad, angry, and happy. If I don't like something I make no bones about it. If I'm happy you'll know about it immediately. If I'm depressed then you'd better to listen my endless outpourings. I just don't believe in keeping everything repressed inside. Yes, I'm that kind of person.

I've been this way for as long as I can remember, but I guess living in the US for a long time sort of reinforces this personality trait of mine. Americans are generally well-known for their straight-forward and no-nonsense manner that can sometimes be misconstrued as abrasive and rude. Well, there is a degree of truth to that but overall I think it's a personality that most Americans find therapeutic and, to an extent, honest. As the thinking goes, it's better not to beat around the bush and pretend that everything's okay when it's not. It's best to nip the problem in the bud by having it out in the open before it festers into a gangrenous wound. Talk it out. Argue with each other if need be. Lay bare your soul. Be honest about how you feel even if the truth hurts.

It's that last part that got me into trouble lately. A few days ago I showed my displeasure (via email) to a person (non-American) I really care about who recently had been giving me the cold shoulder. I felt that she was ignoring me for a reason and she wasn't about to tell why. Out of sheer frustration I decided to shoot her an email expressing my displeasure of being treated like a scrap of old newspaper (the exact words I used). The email, in my opinion, wasn't particularly harsh but I guess it was abrasive enough that she wasn't taking it too well. In my mind I was just letting out my frustration to someone whom I'm personally close with but she took it as a big slap in her face. We immediately got into a fight on YM and it didn't end very well. She is still not talking to me as of now.

I'm beginning to have a slight regret about sending that email. Was it the right thing to do at the time? Or should I just hold off on it until I get to see her in person and tell her then? My action seemed a bit impetuous but then I'm not the kind of person who keeps my emotions inside for a long time. Plus, much to my naiveté, I didn't expect her to react so harshly to my email. I knew she'd be angry but I hope it was in a more reasonable, lets-talk-about-this kind of way. But no. She totally slammed me and shut down all of my attempts to explain myself.

I'm still a bit taken aback by her really rough reaction. I'm wondering if it's because of the personality difference between us or does culture play a part in this also? By cultural difference I mean she is used to the polite, non-expressive, decorous Asian way of social manners, and not the shoot-from-hip, in-your-face American way. When I used to date American girls we had this kind of exchanges all the time, and it felt really good to be able to put our grievances out there to be argued and dissected with. No bullshit, no nonsense. You have to be able to take in what you dish out. In the end I guess she was not the receptive, open-minded person that I thought she was. Anyway, I'm trying to mend fences with her and get her to understand that I did not do it out of spite and malice but out of passion and intimacy. I would only do something like this for people I care about.

Your issues

2009-12-15T00:10:00.002+08:00

Hey,

Your problem is that you think the whole fucking universe revolves around you. It's all about you, you and you, and nobody else but you. You never once try to put yourself in other people's shoe, to find out how they feel, especially for people who are close to you. You play victim all the time. It's always you who have been wronged by someone or another. It's never your fault that bad things happen to you even though most of them are of your own makings to begin with. You are too much of a coward to take responsibility for your own action; instead you play the victim card and expect people to express their heartfelt sympathy for you. You are a manipulator, pure and simple. You manipulate other people's empathy and kindness just to make yourself feel better. You use people for your own selfish emotional needs. You are a user - of the worse kind. You make nice to people when they fit your needs and discard them like scraps of old newspaper when they outlive their usefulness to you. People are like toys to you, to be played with when the mood strikes and to be tossed aside when newer and fancier toys are found. In short, you are a BABY. No, I take that back. You're not exactly like a baby because babies have no comprehension of their erratic mood swings and temper tantrum. You are just an adult operating with a full-grown adult mind while acting like a baby. Unlike babies, you have the capacity to be conscious and responsible for your action but you simply refuse to own up to it. No wonder you are never happy and never will be if you keep on being this emotionally selfish, self-centered person. For once, take a deep and honest introspection into your life and being, and see what has gone wrong and in what ways you have hurt others over the years. It will do you a world of wonders and goodness. It's about time that someone tells you that your shit stinks!

Finding love in the 21st century

2009-12-08T01:16:00.006+08:00

A lot of people still hold traditional views of what constitute as romance and love, and how to go about pursuing them. Meeting their prospective partners through mutual friends or family or in the office or the university is still the preferable mode of romance-seeking for most. And for the few adventurous souls dating and social networking websites can prove to be the fertile ground for romance.

With the explosive growth of social networking websites people are now finding love in previously uncharted territory. Despite the popularity of online communication and the ridiculous amount of time people spend in virtual communities, online romance still holds a certain stigma within the society. People are still reluctant to tell others that they met their partners in some dating or social networking websites. It's the common mis-perception that only losers trawl the cyber world looking for love. Well, that might be the case a few years ago but it certainly is not nowadays - at least in some parts of the world.

Facebook, for one, has inadvertently become a conducive and safe arena for starting or renewing romance. A couple of examples perfectly illustrated this phenomenon and inspired me to blog about it:

First incident happened last Friday when I was hanging out at Coffee Bean in Bangsar Village. There was a really cute Chinese girl sitting by herself one table over from me. Then a guy came to sit at a table next to her and asked to borrow her lighter. I think he borrowed her lighter five times in a span of 30 minutes! Finally, as he was about to leave, he gave her a napkin written with his name, email and phone number. He also told the girl to check out his Facebook profile if she wants to know more about him. She immediately added him as a friend on Facebook and was approved by the guy in a matter of minutes! Okay, I was sitting a mere three feet away from her, which meant that I could listen in to the conversation and even took a peek at her laptop screen.

Second incident involved a friend of mine who found her long-lost high school crush through the wonders of Facebook and now they plan to get married March next year. Both of them have been traveling and living in various countries in the past decade and had lost contact with each other for so many years. The thing was he didn't even know that she used to have a mad crush on him back in high school, and obviously she still has the same feelings for him until today. Now they're finally living in the same country but in different cities, which means that some compromises will have to be made when they get married next year. I'm no sentimental sap but I think their story is poignant and by no means an isolated case.

I believe that finding new love or reconnecting with old one online is fast becoming a norm in a population consumed with living the virtual life. A lot of people spend equal, if not more, hours engaging in online communities than the real one. As in the real world social interaction, online social interaction also involves feelings and emotions. Just because we are not physically visible it doesn't mean that the emotions and feelings are any less real. The key issue with online social interaction is trust, and as more and more people becoming fully invested in online communities I believe people will be more transparent, honest, and truthful since they don't want to jeopardize their social standing within this virtual community.

I think Facebook is a great place to meet new people or even to find romance because it allows the user to be more transparent and honest by posting pictures of themselves and letting others comment on their page, among other features. It's a cliche but honesty and transparency are the important aspects in making any relationship to work and succeed. Granted that Facebook users can still tailor-made their profile so as to mold and create a certain public persona for themselves, but people are already doing that in real life anyway. In all, if any you have the inclination to find your soul-mate in the vast cyber world then go do it and pay no mind to what negative things your friends and family might say. It beats sitting at the bar trying various lame pick-up lines on the disinterested ladies.

Disclosure: I, myself, have had a romantic dalliance with a total stranger through Facebook, and I don't see anything wrong with it. My Facebook profile is transparent and honest, and I never pretend to be somebody else online.

"New" Politics

2009-11-15T02:13:00.007+08:00

The racist (read: all white) British National Party has voted overwhelmingly to change its constitution to allow membership for non-whites. The decision to change its racist policy stems from the UK's newly enacted Equality Law that forbids discrimination based on race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and age. What kind of effect this decision will have on BNP still remains to be seen but my guess is that it's merely window-dressing. This is just a desperate act to avoid government ban. Anyway, who among the UK's large minority community with the right mind - and most, if not all, have a history of immigration - would want to join the racist and anti-immigration BNP? It'll be interesting to see who is the bravest (and foolish) among them to become the first card-carrying minority member of BNP.

Apropos to this news bit, and much closer to home, what will happen if Malaysia's race-based political parties decide to open up their membership to other races? I know this is just an exercise in fanciful thinking and it probably will never happen in this lifetime or next. But let's say that the ruling coalition (BN) decides to comprehensively implement the PM's 1Malaysia "vision" by first dismantling all race-based parties and replacing them with multi-racial ones.

First there has to be a name-change for all the parties involved. UMNO can still be UMNO, except that its new name will be "United Malaysians National Organisation." It's a bit difficult for Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA) and Malaysian Indian Congress (MIC) but with a bit of linguistic dexterity the old acronyms can be salvaged after all and be changed to, say, "Multi-Cultural Association" and "Malaysian Intercultural Congress," for MCA and MIC respectively. Minor coalition members like the Gerakan Party and the People's Progressive Party (PPP) can retain their old name, but as for the various tribal parties in Borneo it's a bit trickier. Maybe Najib will let them off the hook since they don't matter much except for getting votes in the elections.

If all member parties in BN become multi-racial and have the same platform then what's the point of having more than one party? It seems a bit redundant I think. Might as well dissolve all these parties and fold them all into one big tent of the new United Malaysians National Organisation (UMNO). But, wait. Come to think of it this is also redundant and highly unnecessary. As of now all lesser members of BN are subservient to UMNO anyway, and for all intents and purposes they are simply additional divisions of UMNO. In short, BN is UMNO and UMNO is BN, and the mathematical formula cannot get any simpler than this. In the end the French were right after all: Plus ça change, plus c'est pareil (the more things change the more they stay the same).

Okay, I'm in my bleak, pessimistic mood tonight - and I'm rambling nonsensically in my political geek kind of way. Time to get some shut-eye.

What do you mean by "serumpun"?

2009-09-01T16:34:00.004+08:00

I know it seems juvenile but I find myself going into various Indonesian online forums for the past couple of weeks just for some chuckles. The hatred, sadism and war-mongering chatters among Indonesians who feel slighted by Malaysia's brazen "theft" of Indonesia's culture border on the ridiculous that they somehow become perversely comical. Anyway, to slightly paraphrase Einstein, "Nationalism is a human disease. It is the herpes of mankind." I remember one poster wrote: "Indonesia adalah Indonesia, Malaysia adalah Malaysia. Kita tidak serumpun!" My simple question to the poster would be: "Uh, what language again are you using to write this xenophobic canard?" I rest my case. Anyway, below is a well-written Facebook note by Dr. Farish regarding this whole hullabaloo.

___________________________________________________________

ASEAN Has To Accept Its Common Cultural Roots and History

By Farish A Noor

Demo season has come early this year, and over the weekend it was reported that a number of anti-Malaysian demonstrations had flared up across several towns and cities in Indonesia. The reason for this latest round of acrimony lies in the claim that a tourism ad for Malaysia had presented a Balinese dance as being 'Malaysian' and as such quite a number of Indonesians were miffed about it.

The ASEAN region seems to be facing the prospect of what can be aptly described as the new 'Cultural wars' of the era. Over the past few years, we have witnessed clashes (some of them violent) over temples, artefacts, words/signifiers, handicrafts and local local products that some nations and communities claim as theirs, and which have been 'stolen' by other societies. One of the hot topics at the moment is the Indonesian claim that batik is a uniquely Indonesian invention and that countries like Malaysia and Singapore have 'stolen' batik by claiming that it is theirs as well.

On a superficial level one understands the nature of the complaint and the logic behind it. It would be perfectly reasonable for a country to be angry if its products were bought by another, only to be re-sold to the international market after the original 'Made in X' label was removed and replaced with a 'Made in Y' label instead. Intellectual copyright is something that this academic understands and appreciates very much, for it would be akin to someone stealing the contents of one of my academic papers or books and simply replacing the author's name with his/her own. That is theft and copyright infringement, plain and simple.

But when it comes to copyrighting cultures, we move to an altogether more murky and complicated domain. For how does one copyright an idea, a colour, a theme, a sentiment or a musical note?

There are two points that require emphasis here, and both are related to the common shared cultural history of our Southeast Asian region:

Firstly it has to be recognised that much of the misunderstanding that has arisen thus far over issues of cultural borrowing has to do with the narrow nationalist histories that we have relied upon since the day our nation-states became independent. The realities of the colonial era were that the region of Southeast Asia - which historically has been one of the most fluid, cosmopolitan and diverse in the world - was cut up and divided according to the logic of colonies and then nation-states. As a result of this our postcolonial histories tend to be narrow and inward-looking, and fail to note the cultural continuity and overlap that has existed in the region for hundreds and thousands of years.

As an academic who moves between Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia, I am struck by how little the citizens of all three countries know about each other. Do Indonesians realise that all over Malaysia there are Malaysian communities who still speak Javanese? Why is this so? Because all over Malaysia there are millions of descendants of Javanese, Sumatran, Madurese, Bugis migrants who have settled there over the centuries, such as my own family who were first categorised as 'Jawi Peranakan' (Hybrid/Mixed Javanese) in the 19th century. So when some Malaysians speak Javanese at home, is this a case of Malaysians 'stealing' the Javanese language? Surely not: If anything it points to the continuities of identities over time and space, which is a factor that enriches the region as a whole.

On the issue of Batik and other art and cultural forms, it should also be noted that Batik was worn by many of the communities of the region, and not merely the Javanese. Batik was the lingua franca of the plastic arts for Javanese, Sumatrans, Balinese, Bugis, Malays, Peranakan Chinese, Indians, Arabs and Eurasians for more than a century; and in my collection of photos of Batik as it was worn between the 19th to the 20th century we see how Batik was adapted, used, popularise and produced by practically all the communities of maritime Southeast Asia.

While I understand and sympathise with the complaint that some Indonesian batik may have been bought and then re-sold as 'Malaysian', let us not go overboard by claiming that Batik was produced by only one community in the region. Batik production was predominantly centred in Java and parts of Sumatra, but it was also produced in parts of Malaysia and worn all across the region. Indeed, batik production extends as far as Africa and even Europe, where European artists tried their hand at the batik technique to produce batik pieces that were inspired by the school of l'art nouveau and art deco. That is the factor that makes batik the rich cultural heritage of all, and not the parochial totem of a few...

Secondly, in the process of re-claiming our history let us not be provincial, or worse still, neglectful of the complexities of history. The popular art forms of Indonesia such as the wayang kulit puppet theatre is not unique to Indonesia alone, for it exists all across Southeast Asia (in Malaysia, Southern Thailand, parts of Cambodia and Southern Vietnam) and can be found in places as far apart as China to the East and Indian and Turkey to the West. Furthermore the repertoire of stories that are told and enacted include the Ramayana and Mahabharatta, both of which certainly did not come from Indonesia or any country in Southeast Asia, but India - the wellspring of so much classical Asian art, culture and religion from the time of the Gupta dynasty.

Thus if any country has the right to claim copyright to the wayang genre and the stories that make up the popular lore of Asia, it would be India. So how would the countries of ASEAN react if India were to lay claim to our arts and culture, our architecture, our religions (Hinduism and Buddhism come from South Asia, after all) and even our languages (the Thai, Khmer, Lao, Burmese, Malay and Indonesian languages all borrow heavily from Sanskrit and other South Asian tongues). What then?

As stated above, in the process of rediscovering our past and our culture, let us not be narrow-minded in our approach. Southeast Asia is a rich patchwork of diverse communities and cultures, and we are all the richer because we share this common legacy together. One understands the need for commercial regulation of goods and products, and in such cases theft and misrepresentation of labels is simply a case of criminal fraud that can be dealt with in the courts. But culture cannot and should not be cut up, demarcated and commodified as some may want it to be. By all means, sue and penalise unscrupulous businessmen who sell fake goods, but let us understand and accept that the cultural wellspring that inspires the production of so much of our arts and crafts belongs to us, together.

Change? Yes, we can!

2009-09-01T11:21:00.004+08:00

Malaysia just celebrated her 52nd Independence Day, and I believe the time is ripe for a serious shake-up in the established socio-political structure. The signs can already be seen: the March 2008 electoral tsunami, 7 out of 8 by-election wins by the Opposition, the huge anti-ISA rally in the heart of KL, the discontented rumblings of the citizens on the internet, and others. Next step is to take down the entrenched BN government and give PR the opportunity to rule for a change.

Lesson can be learned from the recent legislative election in Japan where the long rule of the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) finally came to an end. The LDP had been in power virtually throughout the post-war period (almost 63 years) and its reign was rudely terminated by a landslide victory of the opposition Democratic party. By the way, for reasons unknown, the name Liberal Democratic in LDP is totally misleading since the party is anything but liberal and democratic. It's a deeply conservative party that has monopolized the Japanese politics for the past six decades. Ultimately the Japanese voters decided that enough is enough and threw the LDP bums out of office in a resounding win for the Democrats. The Democratic party sees a 175 percent increase of its share of seats in the Parliament at the expense of the LDP legislators.

It goes to show that peaceful transfer of power in a virtually one-party system through electoral means is definitely possible. Examples are abound but the one that came to my mind is the ouster of the long dominant Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI - Partido Revolucionario Institucional) in Mexico in 2000. PRI, at that time, had ruled Mexico for 71 years before it finally crumbled under the weight of corruption, mismanagement, and hubris. So, at the very least, the tremors in the Malaysian politics now are the precursors to much significant changes in the near future. I know people in the Opposition cannot wait to contest the next general election in 2013 while the ruling government dreads it. Unless something radical and unexpected happens between now until then, the writings on the wall cannot be any clearer for the ruling establishment: come hell or high water, in 2013 there will be a new sheriff in town. Yeah, Malaysia Boleh!

R.I.P. Senator Ted Kennedy

2009-08-26T14:49:00.006+08:00

Edward "Teddy" Kennedy, the Democratic Senator from Massachusetts, died last night after years-long battle with brain cancer. Known as the "liberal lion of the US Senate" he was the second longest serving member of the current US Senate (nearly 50 years of service) after the nonagenarian Senator Bob Byrd, the Democrat of West Virginia. He was well-known to be a staunch advocate for liberal causes in the US Senate but never dogmatic enough to preclude any compromises with his Republican counterparts.

I met him once when I was living in Washington, DC. It was at forum for National and Community Service on Capitol Hill and there were a whole bunch of us trying to push for more funding for the AmeriCorps program. Ted Kennedy, as the ranking member of the Senate's Health, Education and Labor committee, was a big supporter of the AmeriCorps program and had worked to pass its funding renewal in the US Congress despite the vehement opposition from the Republican-majority at the time.

I remember seeing Senator Kennedy as a larger than life figure (literally and figuratively) but he presented himself as a very caring grandpa, full of compassion, understanding and wisdom. I was simply awestruck by his humility and attentiveness to our issues. And also this is a Kennedy for god's sake! In flesh and breathing right in front of me. I might not have the chance to meet the older Kennedys - JFK and Bobby in particular - but at least I have sat a mere 5 feet away from the youngest of the Kennedy siblings. It was truly an unforgettable experience for me.

Senator Kennedy, may you rest in peace now. Rest assured that your endeavors for peace, justice and equality in past five decades will not be in vain. The struggle lives on.

It makes it all worthwhile

2009-07-28T02:42:00.003+08:00

One of the greatest feelings of being a teacher is to be told that you are a source of inspiration and the spark that sets ablaze the burning passion in your students. Getting comments from my former students in Indonesia about how I inspire them to become better in English and to encourage them to be more confident in speaking the language makes the whole teaching endeavor worthwhile.

Last week I chatted with one of my former students on Facebook and he said that thanks to me he now has become more confident in speaking English in public, so much so that he even approached a couple of Australian tourists in Borobudur just for the sake of wanting to have an English conversation. Today I chatted with another former student of mine on Facebook - yeah, I have a whole bunch of them there - and he told me that he's going to the university for a TEFL degree - he plans to be an English teacher. But interestingly he said that he wasn't really interested in becoming a teacher, much less an English teacher, until I started teaching at the school. He mentioned how well I mix humor and creativity in my lesson plans and how I make the language seems easy for the students especially in using the Indonesian context to explain difficult English concepts and words. Seeing me teach has inspired him to become an English teacher, or in his word I'm his "inspirator."

Nothing fills a teacher with more pride and a sense of self-worth than getting these kinds of feedback from the students. It really puts into perspective as to why I teach in the first place. It validates my raison d'etre and confirms my existential being. It's the engine that propels me forward. Gosh, I love teaching!

Another sad day for humanity

2009-07-17T22:40:00.005+08:00

My condolence for Indonesia and the victims of the bombings at Ritz-Carlton and Marriott hotels. I hope that the Indonesian government finds the masterminds behind this heinous act of crime and punishes them accordingly. So far the evidence leads to the notorious Jemaah Islamiyah (JI) when the authorities found a severed head of a known member of JI, who was identified as one of the suicide bombers.

Spectacular acts of terrorism operate on the basis of timing. Bigger current event provides bigger exposure and publicity for the terrorist groups and their agenda. It so happened that Indonesia had just held its Presidential election last week and the Manchester United is coming to Jakarta for an exhibition match this Sunday. These are two big news events even for the international audience. The world's eyes have been focusing on Indonesia for the past couple of weeks, which makes the timing all the more pertinent.

As somebody who has lived in Indonesia for a year and has visited the country countless of times over the years I have nothing but love for Indonesia people. People I've met and befriended are warm, friendly and peaceful, and they simply don't deserve to have this fringe, un-Islamic and un-Indonesian lunatic terrorist group in their country. These cool-blooded terrorists are simply a total disgrace to the Islamic faith and the Muslim ummah. How dare you calling your inhuman psychotic actions an Islamic struggle when it's nothing but? May you people fucking rot in hell, which in itself is ironic considering that they are committing this violent acts in the name of God and the 40 virgins waiting for each one of them at the pearly gates of heaven.

Nak jadi orang Penang ni...

2009-07-09T11:48:00.004+08:00

Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang called me up this morning to ask when can I start teaching there. Actually they called me with two news. First was to tell me that I will not be going to Australia for my PhD this year because the quota is already full. This academic staff training program seems to be based on seniority and I'll have to wait for my turn next year. But in the mean time the university offered me an adjunct teaching position in the Social Sciences department. So I guess it's good news overall. I'll be teaching at the university and still get to go to Australia next year to finish up my doctoral study. Plus, I'll be teaching my most favorite subject of all, politics. They haven't told me what political science courses to teach but who cares? I'll be living in the enchanting island of Penang this coming August AND I will be doing something I'm most passionate about, that is teaching. Can't beat that! Boy, life is good.

p/s: Nicky, clean up that spare bedroom of all your shit! I'm moving in.

Happy Presidential Election Day for all Indonesians

2009-07-08T14:03:00.007+08:00

Selamat PilPres (Pemilihan Presiden) for all Indonesians the world over. The Indonesians are having their second direct presidential election today. But seriously I don't envy their choices. Granted that the voting ballot this time around is not as unwieldy and convoluted as the one in the recent legislative election but the choices are almost unpalatable.

Today Indonesians get to choose their President and Vice President from a list of three pairs of candidates: the incumbent Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono (SBY) and his running mate Boediono (the former governor of Bank Indonesia); Megawati Sukarnoputri (former President and the daughter of Bung Karno, father of Indonesian independence) and her running mate Prabowo Subianto (former head of the military's Special Forces or Kopassus and the son in-law of former President Suharto); and Jusuf Kalla (SBY's former Vice President and one of the richest men in Indonesia) and his running mate Wiranto (former head of the Indonesian army).

Why are these choices unsavory? Megawati is simply inept, weak, clueless, and uninspiring. She had her chances at doing something when she was the President from 2001 until 2004 but she didn't accomplish squat. Her running mate, Prabowo, was part of the anti-democratic forces that tried to squash the Reformasi movement in 1998 by engaging in, among others, kidnapping and killing student activists by his Kopassus thugs. Jusuf Kalla is a megalomaniacal rich man who has nothing better to spend his money on and his running mate, Wiranto, should instead be tried for crimes against humanity for his responsibility in East Timor massacre in 1999. The lesser of six evils is the SBY-Boediono pair. SBY hasn't been that spectacular in his first term except for some success in fighting corruption in the government. Also SBY is a smart guy who is finishing up his doctoral dissertation from an Australian university. And his pick of Boediono is timely and spot-on because of the current global economic crisis since Boediono is an American-trained economist who has a good handle on the nitty-gritty details of the economy.

I bet all my chips for SBY-Boediono to win in the first round. By the way, if no pair gets 51 percent or more in the first round, the top two vote-getters will go to a run-off round, which I don't think will happen due to the popularity of the incumbent (as indicated by the big win of his party, Partai Demokrat, in the recent legislative election) and the much fewer number of choices in this election. One thing all the candidates are good at is coming up with the catchy nickname for their pairs: SBY BERBUDI (SBY-Boediono), MEGA-PRO (Megawati-Prabowo), and JK-WIN (Jusuf Kalla-Wiranto). At least they all get the importance of marketing in retail politics.

Anyway, about 176 million registered voters will ideally cast their votes today in more than 451,000 polling booths across the archipelago from Sabang to Merauke. All the best to you and I hope you do make the right choice. Just remember, people who forget history are doomed to repeat it!

On abuse of foreign domestic workers

2009-07-04T16:28:00.006+08:00

I HAVE to post this really great article by Helen Ang in MalaysiaKini about the rampant abuse of Indonesian domestic workers in Malaysia and the Malaysian government's arrogance in dealing with the problem. The article is smart, funny and written with the Swiftian razor-sharp wit. Great job!
_________________________________________________________

Dear President Bambang, about the maids...
Helen Ang
Jul 2, 2009
4:18pm

Dear President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono,

I'm writing this open letter to you, sir, in the spirit of 1Asean.

I implore that your country should not be jealous of our Malaysian success. On top of other proud achievements, Malaysia adds another feather to our cap: We have the world's longest working hours - thanks to Indonesian women employed here as domestic help.

Last week, Indonesia banned your citizens coming to Malaysia as maids. It's wholly understandable that your country is unhappy about the brawn drain to your neighbours, just as Malaysia is unhappy about our brain drain to Singapore.

It is a shame that we are poaching Indonesia's best talents in our pursuit of superlatives, from biggest ketupat to world's most expensive space tourist, and now our record-breaking 98-hour work week - an amazing feat attributed to Indon maids working 14 hours a day, seven days a week in Malaysian homes.

But please sir, don't ban sending maids just because you envy our success.

Instead be humble enough to learn from Malaysia so that Indonesia can eventually surpass us with your own 100-hour work week. It is our Asian values that propel Asean countries to becoming world champions in this; just compare with the backward French who have a 35-hour work week.

Mr President, let me share with you Malaysia's magic formula. Despite the Official Secrets Act, I managed to obtain the relevant information from our Department for the Promotion of Virtue and Prohibition of Vice.

Relating to this data, the group editor of profitable newspaper The Star, Wong Chun Wai recently wrote: "From sexually transmitted diseases to eloping with Indonesian construction workers to sex romps in the employers' rooms, there is no end to such stories if the Indonesian press cares to do balanced reporting."

Sigh, the things that the Indonesian press don't tell you. You see, sir, if you're kept in the dark, then of course your government will not know how to overcome these distractions of STDs, elopement and sex romps that deter maids from concentrating on their target of accomplishing 98 hours of work a week.

This is how we deal with it in Malaysia. As you may already be aware, employers here will keep their maid's passport. What you're likely not aware is that when the Indon women land on our shores, Malaysian employers quickly lock them in a chastity belt. The employer then holds on to the key for safekeeping.

Both passport and chastity belt key will be returned to the maid when her contract expires.

Oops, accidents happen

Conscientious parents always childproof the nursery by putting rubber guards on corners of furniture. The parents do not leave things lying around which may hurt a young child, such as plastic bags which can cause a toddler to suffocate or small objects which can cause him to choke.

Conscientious Malaysian employers similarly maid-proof their homes by making sure that they do not leave things lying around which may hurt simple women from remote Indonesian villages. We ensure dangerous electrical appliances and sharp implements are kept away from maids.

This precautionary measure is to prevent the maids from accidentally scalding themselves with boiling water, burning themselves with hot iron, wounding themselves with scissors or bruising themselves with hammer since they don't know how to use all these tools properly.

It is an occupational hazard that sees maids sustaining those horrific injuries and scars on their bodies. Making their workplaces safer has ensured optimal performance, and that is why Indon maids in Malaysia outperform in man hours their countrywomen doing the same job in Taiwan, Hong Kong and Singapore.

In fact, Malaysia has such high safety standards that only eight cases of physical abuse have been filed in the country since the beginning of the year, according to a report in The Star.

Yet, the international press has said that 150 complaints are lodged every month with the authorities in Indonesia, alleging ill-treatment, overwork, unpaid salaries and physical abuse whilst in Malaysia.

I suspect this discrepancy in the figures is due to Malaysians doing our Math in English. Alas, since most of us find it hard to construct a sentence in English correctly, we find it similarly hard to make numbers add up correctly.

Once our English improves, so will our Math and vice versa, claims Dr Mahathir Mohamad, whose brainchild the Math-in-English project is.

How much is she worth?

The monthly salary of an Indon maid is between RM450 and RM600.

Whereas I have calculated the value of a maid's work to be at least RM6,575. You can read how I arrived at my estimate in this article for the Centre for Policy Initiatives.

Nonetheless Mr President, you must be puzzled as to why Malaysia is only paying Indon maids a fraction of their actual worth (although we pay Filipinos slightly more). The reason is our greater love for Indonesia, for are we not brothers?

Now imagine if we gave Indonesian women a salary of RM5,000-RM6,000 ... then too many might opt to become guest workers in Malaysia. This development would surely hurt your feelings; already there is much anger that one of your most beautiful girls Manohara Odelia Pinot (left) was earlier lost to Malaysia.

Therefore, in order to 'jaga hati' - we truly don't want to make Indonesia even more jealous of us - we've deliberately underpaid maids so that we don't entice too many Indon women to come over. It is unfortunate that Singapore is not as considerate, seeing how the island republic has no qualms about enticing smart Malaysian youngsters.

The Star - a newspaper that speaks for the nation - had a 'Focus' special feature recently titled 'Indon maids better off than local blue collar workers'. The paper said: "Now, there's talk that maids need a day off every week. For many a maid, though, the only holidays they really need are the ones they get when they go home to their loved ones, flush with funds."

More than three-quarters of the said newspaper's readership do not believe that Indon maids need a rest day. It is really only through the kindness of their hearts that they insist on this arrangement. These Star people think that if maids work without any break, then your women will be able to accumulate flush funds faster, so that they can go home to their loved ones in Indonesia all the sooner.

Dear sir, I hope my explanation above has been helpful in clearing up a bit of Indonesia's misunderstanding over Malaysian treatment of maids. On my part, I'm sorry to hear about Siti and others having to go through their painful and traumatic experiences.

I hope that the Malaysian Cabinet Committee on Foreign Workers and National Repentance will apologise to you and your country. But then again, Home Minister Hishamuddin Hussein is talking tough and saying that Malaysia can shop elsewhere, and cheaper too! So perhaps not.

In any case, thank you sir for taking the time to read my letter. May I wish you all the best for the Republic of Indonesia's upcoming presidential election.

Yours sincerely,
Helen Ang

The perfect burger

2009-07-02T00:32:00.006+08:00

I miss the US a lot these days. I guess it's understandable since I've lived there for almost half of my life. Besides good cheese, one food I miss the most about the US is the burger. What's the big deal you say? Here in Malaysia we have burger Ramly, and not to add, Mickey D's, Burger King and other burger franchises.

You see, a well-made burger is a class of its own. Ground beef made from scratch using choice meat parts, not scraps; charred and broiled to a juicy medium-rare perfection; and topped with soft and warm buns, melted cheddar, icy cold lettuce, home-made mayo, fresh sliced tomatoes, ketchup, onions, and pickles. Couple that with fresh thin-cut fries and thick pure ice cream shakes and you'll get yourself a wholesome all-American meal in all its artery-clogging splendor.

I wonder where in KL can I get this kind of burger. I guess the only way to have it is to make it myself. But the ingredients are so goddamn expensive. The last time I tried to make lasagna for the whole family it cost me almost 100 ringgit to buy the ingredients from Cold Storage. It reminds me how cheap the food in the supermarket are in the US. I just realize how spoiled I was all this time!

Woohoo... the search is over!

2009-06-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

No, I don't mean searching for a new girlfriend or anything personal like that. Sorry to burst your bubble! I'm just so happy because I think I found the elusive research topic I've searching for all this time.

Thanks to Tamir, my former professor whose research in Malaysia I'm currently helping, I now have a concrete idea for my doctoral research. The idea came about when we were eating a late lunch at the nasi daun pisang place in Bangsar after doing a public survey around the area. We were bouncing ideas off each other until he came up with a great topic for me to study. Without going into much detail the topic is, in a nutshell, about political socialization of youths by various political parties and organizations and to track the maturation of the youths' political ideology during their formative years.

I don't know why this angle of research eluded me before since I've always been interested in youth politics. But now I've captured it there will be nothing but exciting times ahead. I had originally thought about doing a comparative study between Malaysia and Indonesia but after further talk with Tamir it seems better and more worthwhile to just focus on Indonesia. So the plan now is to study various political and social groups in Indonesia - Muslim, Christian, secular - and track the connection between their efforts at socializing the youths and the development of the youths' own political ideology.

Now I can't wait to write up my research proposal and to hopefully do an extensive fieldwork in Indonesia later. It's been a while since I was this excited about something!

The crashing trains

2009-06-24T00:03:00.003+08:00

A Metro train crashed into the back of another Metro train in Washington, DC yesterday. This is the worst train crash in the city's history. To think that I used to take this very same train every day - the Red Line that runs between Shady Grove and Glenmont - when I was living there sends shiver down my spine. The crash site, which is near the Fort Totten station, is only one stop away from my station, Brookland-CUA. It never crossed my mind at the time that train crashes would ever happen in DC or anywhere else in the US. I know I'm now far removed from the accident but I can't help but to imagine sitting there at the back of the train while the other came barreling down the track at breakneck speed. The front and the back cars are usually the least crowded during rush hours and that was where I usually sat or stood in. Since I usually napped on my train-ride home I wouldn't have realized what was going on until it was too late. Plus, the Metro trains in DC is known to run quiet, meaning the trains all have rubberized wheels, so the passengers can barely hear the rumbles of the incoming train. Anyway, my condolence for people who are affected by this tragedy.

Researcher's block

2009-06-22T00:04:00.004+08:00

As an academic, doing research is a life-long pursuit. It's our passion and we shouldn't feel forced into doing it. The research questions should come naturally as we get more curious about our choice topics. Well, not so much in my case right now.

Don't get me wrong. I love what I study. I'm obsessed with all things politics, on the theoretical level and as a craft. See, the thing is that I do know what I plan on focusing but I'm just not able to come up with a good research question or a thesis. Whenever I stumbled upon a decent question to ask I found out that either the question cannot be empirically answered ("operationalized" in social science term) or there's simply not enough data and sources on the ground.

I wish that this process is as easy for me as it is for other academics. I keep asking myself why is it so hard for me to come up with a simple research question for my dissertation proposal. I think part of it is that I'm currently not living in an intellectually-vibrant environment i.e. university campus and it's so hard to talk to and elicit ideas from people about my research interests. Yeah, I miss being in Madison! If I'm there right now all I have to do is walk into Dr. Mike's office and he'll talk my ears off about what I should be doing for my doctoral study. Or I can go out for coffee or dinner with my many graduate student friends and bounce ideas off of them. Nobody here in my immediate surrounding is remotely interested in my research interests or even if they are somewhat fascinated by my research focus they simply don't know much about the topic to offer any constructive inputs.

Anyway, I should just sleep this off and hopefully it'll come in my dream tonight. It doesn't help much that I've been spending hours watching "The Sopranos" DVD and all I dream about right is the various ways to whack people and eat delicious Italian food with the mobs. I'd say "Fuhgeddaboudit!"

On being a literary snob

2009-06-12T01:06:00.007+08:00

I do consider myself a bit of an elitist when it comes to my greatest passion of all: Reading. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing a reading public and I do want to encourage more people to read books, not just magazines and newspapers. But I do somewhat judge people by the books they read. I know it's wrong but I just can't help myself. I realize that a person's book selection is personal, which leads me to believe books that one chooses to read can provide a glimpse into one's personal background and worldview. I know it's a sweeping judgment to make and I do consider this as my personal flaw I'm furiously trying to remedy.

I love watching people who read books in public - at the coffee shop, on the train or waiting for the bus, for example. So today when I was at the Starbucks in KLCC I noticed that there were a couple of young women reading novels sitting near me; I didn't see anybody else doing any reading. One of them was leafing through Meg Cabot and the other was deeply engrossed in Sophie Kinsella. The first thought that came to my mind was "Great, they're reading books BUT chick-lits? Give me a break!" Okay, I've never read any of those aforementioned books and I don't think I will anytime in the foreseeable future. Later when I got on the train to go to KL Sentral I saw one guy reading John Grisham. I mean, John Fuckin' Grisham! Oh, for Pete's sake, just kill me already!

So I was understandably a bit delighted when I saw a middle-aged looking guy standing next to me by the commuter rail was nose-deep into Emile Durkheim's "The Elementary Forms of Religious Life." Emile Durkheim was a famous French sociologist who wrote treatises on the divisions of society, the law, suicide, and religion. Okay, I know it's not your common, everyday literature but it's rare to see somebody is reading it out in the open. On the same note, I would still feel the same warm and fuzzy feeling if I ever see somebody on the train here in KL reading Doestoyevsky or Faulkner or Shakespeare or Marquez or Pramoedya. Okay, I get it, I'm a snob. There, I said it!

Disclosure: Growing up I was a big fan of sci-fi and fantasy novels especially ones by Isaac Asimov and Robert Heinlein. I also went through the "mystic" phase when I really got into Anne Rice's stuffs, especially the ones about the witches. By the way, these are the kinds of books one usually finds in many used-book stores around KL. So it's not like I have much choice when it comes to my reading selection growing up - unless, of course, if I'm into Danielle Steelle and all those Mills and Boone romantic crap that my aunt loves so much.

In defense of the un-ambitious

2009-06-10T23:48:00.010+08:00

First I'd like to say that I'm deeply indebted to Rocket for introducing me years ago to this amazingly wonderful writer named Bill Bryson. I just love his incisive wit and quirky look on life. Seriously, this guy can describe even the most mundane thing in the world in the most liveliest term and make it into a big rolling ball of excitement. Here's an excerpt from one of his best-sellers, "A Short History of Nearly Everything," which I'm more than half-way through. It's a 500-page of rollicking-fun facts about the Earth and the universe. If one ever need a science primer, then this is the book. Of course, there are those voluminous tomes about "Life" by Stephen Jay Gould, Richard Dawkins or other evolutionary biologists but they're typically very dense. By the way, the excerpt is about the merit of being unambitious from the evolutionary point-of-view. Considering that we are now living in a hyper-competitive world, toiling in the rat-race day in and day out, this is an especially pertinent message for us humans.

"Like most things that thrive in harsh environments, lichens are slow-growing. It may take a lichen more than half a century to attain the dimensions of a shirt button... It would be hard to imagine a less fulfilling existence... It is easy to overlook this thought that life just is. As humans we are inclined to feel that life must have a point. We have plans and aspirations and desires. We want to take constant advantage of all the intoxicating existence we've been endowed with. But what's life to a lichen? Yet, it's impulse to exist, to be, is every bit as strong as ours - arguably even stronger. If I were told that I had to spend decades being a furry growth on a rock in the woods, I believe I would lose the will to go on. Lichens don't. Like virtually all living things, they will suffer any hardship, endure any insult, for a moment's additional existence. Life, in short, just wants to be. But - here's an interesting point - for the most part it doesn't want to be much.

... [Speaking of the frequent global-scale catastrophes that were the brutal facts of life for the young Earth eons ago] Fortunately, that moment hasn't happened [for our infant-like human existence - in geological time, our collective human existence is like a baby barely out of the mother's womb since the Earth is estimated to be 4.5 billion years old], but the chances are good that it will. I don't wish to interject a note of gloom just at this point, but the fact is that there is one other extremely pertinent quality about life on Earth: it goes extinct. Quite regularly. For all the trouble they take to assemble and preserve themselves, species crumple and die remarkably routinely. And the more complex they get, the more quickly they appear to go extinct. Which is perhaps one reason why so much of life isn't terribly ambitious."

See, there's a good reason on not being productive and to lead a gloriously unambitious life. So next time if people mention how slothful you are and how your existence on this god's green acre is merely a waste of a good space, tell them that you are simply preparing for the doomsday event when a 50-mile wide meteor hit the Earth and that you'll be one of the few remaining survivors. Nothing beats the vindicated feeling of being able to utter the post-apocalyptic words of "I told you so!" - even though there will be hardly anybody around to tell it to.

To talk or not to talk...

2009-06-07T02:22:00.003+08:00

I'm a bit disappointed in the result of the Deputy President race in the PAS Muktamar yesterday. I was hoping that the representative from the "professional" faction of the party or the so-called "Erdogan faction," Husam Musa, to win; instead, the top two leadership positions in the party still remain in the control of the "ulama faction."

But that's not my biggest concern. What I find really problematic is that certain faction within PAS is clamoring for a "talk" with UMNO to hopefully establish a "unity government," presumably led by UMNO and PAS. First off I'm against any efforts by the Opposition to form a "unity government" with the ruling coalition. As much as I prefer political rivals to work together for the common good I believe in this case PAS should not even entertain the idea of collaborating with UMNO; the party is simply too corrupted and impossibly resistant to reforms.

Furthermore, any attempt at a "unity" talk should be initiated by UMNO, not PAS. It is UMNO that is desperately holding on to its last vestiges of power and ever since the March 2008 general election the momentum has decidedly been on the Opposition side. In the context of real politik, there is no pressing need for PAS to make a friendly overture to UMNO.

But then why certain people in PAS are all too willing to cooperate with UMNO? This is a symptom of a larger disease when people suffer from "political identity crisis." Some people in PAS cannot decide if they are Muslim or Malay first. PAS is a Muslim-based party and Islam is the main foundation of its identity, its raison d'etre. One's race shouldn't even matter if one is a member of PAS since Islam by definition and revelation is a universal religion that transcends race and ethnicity.

But in the Malaysian political climate where Islam and Malay identities are taken to be one of the same that's when the confusion kicks in for some of these PAS people. They profess Islam as their main identity but at the same time buy into the "Ketuanan Melayu" cockamamie; thus their willingness to work with UMNO to protect the Malay supremacy over other races in Malaysia. It should then be called the "Malay unity talk" because that's exactly what it is. They get spooked by the rising power of the non-Malays within the Opposition and want to put a lid on it before the "special rights" of the Malays are taken away, or so the argument goes.

These people have to get it in their heads that one cannot be a reformer while still maintaining the same old tired mentality. Reforming the system also means reforming the way we think; otherwise no lasting changes can be made. So make up your damn mind already: are you an egalitarian Muslim or a chauvinistic Malay?

Note: Erdogan refers to the current President of Turkey, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, who led his once radical Islamic party, Justice and Development Party (AK Parti), into mainstream Turkish politics and ultimately won the presidency. In addition to vociferous opposition from the nationalist-secularist groups, Erdogan also faces heavy criticism from his own party and other Islamists, accusing him of "diluting" the principles of the party for the sake of attaining and retaining power.

It's all semantics...

2009-06-06T00:42:00.003+08:00

Walking by the "Arab-town" near Bukit Bintang today I noticed a restaurant sign that says "Fine Arabic Food." Okay now, I'm not a trained linguist nor am I a fastidious grammarian but the adjective "Arabic" doesn't sound quite right to me. But then, what is the alternative? Is it "Arabian" or just plain "Arab"?

As far as I know the adjective "Arabic" normally refers to the language and few other nouns, I suppose. I've never seen it being employed to describe the cuisine. But when I did a cursory search on Google I found out that all three adjectives - Arab, Arabic, and Arabian - are being used interchangeably to describe food from the region. Does it mean there's no wrong answer then?

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't even sweat this trifling stuff as long as the public is clear on what the sign is trying to promote: Delicious lamb shish-kabob, creamy hummus, and strong black coffee to go along with the apple-flavored sheesha. Belly-dancing is optional.

Nowhere to run...

2009-06-03T13:16:00.005+08:00

There were times when I was growing up in KL that I couldn't go anywhere in the city without bumping into people I know. It happened all the time. I guess KL is not big and the fact that I do know quite a few people. It could also be that we all hung out in the same places. But nowadays I can usually spend the whole day in the city by myself without seeing anybody who recognizes me or people I know.

I've been living abroad for a long time and a lot of my old friends simply don't know what I look like these days. But thanks to Facebook I get reconnected with most of them, so we all know what each other looks like in the present time, which generally follows an inevitable downward trend: receding hairline, burgeoning belly, smattering white hair, and chubby cheeks.

So there I was yesterday walking along Jalan Bukit Bintang from Jalan Tun Razak on my way to KLCC when I heard my name being shouted from one the cars stuck in the evening traffic jam. "Fido!!" I looked around and found out that it was from a guy in a black Satria in the middle lane. After dodging swarms of speeding kapchais weaving in and out of the traffic I managed to get to his car and he turned out be an old college buddy of mine whom I haven't seen in nearly ten years! It was simply mind-blowing the fact we could have met anywhere but ended up seeing each other in the midst of a gridlock.

To be sure, we reconnected on Facebook last year but never actually made plans to hang out. Plus, I was still in the US at the time and only recently came back to Malaysia. But through the wonders of Facebook he knows what I look like nowadays and without hesitation decided to call out my name when he saw me walking. In a way he's taking a chance but there is no doubt in him that it was me. Physically he hasn't changed much over the years - except for the receding hairline! - and it took me less than a nano-second to recognize who he was. I immediately hopped into his car and we went to a mamak place near my house for drinks and long reminiscing.

Gosh, I do enjoy one of these life's little surprises!

What I want for my birthday...

2009-05-29T22:40:00.004+08:00

I've been dreaming a lot about motorcycle lately and have been mentally charting my next grand road trip around the mainland Southeast Asia. It sucks living in Malaysia where the price of high-powered motorcycles is simply beyond the reach of most people due to high import tax and excise duties on foreign vehicles. For now all I can do is to go Naza Motor showroom and drool over myself at the sight of a beautifully-sculpted Ducati 1198R or the menacing-looking Hypermotard. I wish there's a way for me to get my hands on these Italian objet d'art without having to sell my soul to Satan!

But realistically-speaking, the bike that I REALLY want is the 2008 Triumph Street Triple 675 (see pic above). It's a mean, lean beast of a machine as it basically shares the same 675cc engine with its highly-rated superbike brother, Daytona 675. I'm a huge fan of the naked bike and I'd pick the Street Triple over the Ducati Monster 696 any time of the day, as much as I love and adore the Italian engineering marvel.

I don't know how much this bike costs in Malaysia since the Triumph brand is not carried here - the closest is in Singapore. In the US the brand-new Street Triple costs around USD 8,200, a little less than the Monster 696. If one is to go by the price of Monster 696 in Malaysia, which is around RM 75,000, the price of Street Triple should be in the low RM 70,000. Too goddamn expensive if you ask me!

My only hope is that if I do get to go Australia for my PhD, I'll most probably buy the Street Triple there, which is around AUD 10,000. In the mean time, I'll keep on dreaming and salivating...

Woman on the Court

2009-05-28T00:15:00.001+08:00

I believe President Obama has made a great pick by nominating Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the US Supreme Court to fill the seat vacated by the retiring Justice David Souter. The significance of this nomination is two-fold: she will be the first Hispanic Justice on the US Supreme Court, and she will add another female voice on the bench alongside the lone Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The former President Bush could have nominated another female Justice to replace the retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor but instead chose the arch-conservative Samuel Alito. By nominating Judge Sotomayor President Obama has done a great service to both the causes of the Latino people and the feminist movement. A stroke of political genius though it doesn't take a rocket scientist - or a political scientist for that matter - to figure out that politics-wise, Judge Sotomayor is the best pick out of all the other candidates.

Judge Sotomayor, all the best in your Senate confirmation hearing and we look forward to seeing you on the nation's highest judicial bench soon.

People-friendly downtown

2009-05-27T12:38:00.006+08:00

The City of New York turns the famous Times Square into a car-free zone, spanning from the Theater District down to the Madison Square (about 10 city blocks). I think it's an awesome idea. Anyone who has been to 42nd and Broadway knows well the vicious elbowing and jostling contest as one battles to get through the teeming hordes of tourists and locals. And to step out into the street unwarily means inviting certain gruesome death as the unruly yellow cabs speed by menacingly. But now it feels liberated to be able to walk the streets in mid-town Manhattan without the fear of untimely demise. It's about time that NYC follows other major cities around the world by reducing car traffic into the city and reclaiming sections of the urban center for pedestrians and cyclists.

It got me thinking if the same thing can be done in my beloved KL. First question is which parts of KL can be made into a car-free zone? Bintang Walk first comes to mind, I guess. If I'm the Datuk Bandar of KL I'd close off the whole Bukit Bintang area from The Pavillion down to Jalan Pudu and from Jalan Imbi to Jalan Raja Chulan. Let's organize street carnivals, ethnic food fest, bazaars and souks, etc. The possibilities are limitless. Another part of KL that can be closed off is the Masjid India area. A small L-shaped section around Wisma Yakin has already been closed off to cars but I think the whole area needs to be car-free. Extend the current pedestrian-only section in-front of Wisma Yakin all the way to Semua House and ban all vehicles from entering the side streets between Jalan Masjid India and Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman.

I'm old enough to remember when the small plaza beside Central Market used to be a bustling street filled with buses and trucks carrying sacks of rice and spices. Now people can hang out peacefully in the plaza, ogling the young and the beautiful while enjoying the shrill voice of the many buskers. But I guess I'm also old enough to remember when Times Square used to be a seedy place filled with porn shops, strip joints and 25-cent peep-shows before it got sterilized into Main Street America. Ahh, the good old days! Damn you, Giuliani!

The moral police is at it again...

2009-05-24T16:22:00.004+08:00

It seems like there's a bit of competition going on between the ultra-conservative ulamas in Malaysia and Indonesia. They're trying to outdo each other when it comes to issuing the most outrageous statement and/or fatwa of the day. It's long been known that ulamas in Malaysia are generally more conservative than their Indonesian counterparts but that seems not to be the case anymore.

In the past few months the conservative Indonesian ulamas, led by the Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) and some factions within the two major Muslim organizations, Nahdlatul Ulama (NU) and Muhammadiyah, have gone fatwa-crazy and have been issuing rulings that simply boggle the mind. They called yoga and smoking "haram" (illegal) without much legal and theological basis at all. Granted that they might be following the footstep of their Malaysian brethren in trying to ban yoga for Muslims and were a bit crushed when the Malaysian ulamas beat them to the punch. This time the MUI mullahs are not going to let that happen again.

In the past few days they have put out a statement to ban Facebook, Friendster and other social networking websites from Indonesian cyberspace because they promote interaction between sexes, which creates lust that ultimately leads to pre-marital sex and other un-godly behavior. It's a way for these Indonesian moral police to show their Malaysian counterparts that they are entering the 21st century, albeit with a 4th century mindset, by issuing technologically-related fatwas. We are hip and cool, you see! The funny thing is that, when interviewed, these Indonesian Talibans have no clue what these social networking websites actually do and never ever been on any of them. Somehow they just knew that these websites are bad for our moral well-being!

And what's with this obsession about SEX? Major religions have this irrational attachment to the topic of sex, and it's almost always bad. It makes me think that these so-called "moral leaders" have nothing else on their mind other than sex. Sex is what they think about ALL the time. The call for banning social networking websites just goes to show how fertile their sexual imagination is and sexually-repressed these people are. If everything that we do can lead to sex, then we might as well lock ourselves up in the basement and never leave the house ever again. Oopps, I guess that is already happening to women in Afghanistan under the Taliban rule and in the Wahhabi-dominated Saudi Arabia.

Seriously, these little Indonesian mullahs are "closet sexual perverts" who think that everybody else is a sex freak just like them. Why don't you go fuck a camel before telling me what I can or can't do in my private life? Geez people, get a fucking life!

Academic Hypocrisy?

2009-05-22T01:28:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I had an interview at Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang for the Academic Staff and Training Scheme (ASTS). ASTS is a university program, funded by the Malaysia's Public Service Department (Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam), that sponsors academics to pursue their Masters and/or PhD in overseas and local universities. Upon getting their degrees, academics are obligated to teach at the university for a minimum of seven years.

The program, I think, is a good fit for me since I do plan on finishing my PhD and teaching at USM Penang. But I felt a bit bad since I had to somehow fudge the truth in order to look more preferable in eyes of the selecting committee. You see, my academic area of specialization is Southeast Asian politics and I plan on devoting my academic career in researching, teaching, and writing about this region.

A few months ago, when I was contemplating on applying to ASTS, I had a meeting with the head of the Asian Studies Department at USM, who asked me if I can instead specialize in East Asian politics, namely Chinese politics. This is because the Department needs lecturers who can teach courses on East Asian politics and help develop the East Asian Studies program within the Department. But he then sensed my apparent discomfort in being asked to do my PhD research on a region I'm not that passionate about, so he compromised a bit and told me that I can still do my dissertation research on Southeast Asian politics as long as I'll be willing to teach a course on Chinese politics later. He said that the university doesn't monitor my research and only cares that I come back to USM to teach after finishing my PhD.

I don't mind teaching the course at all but to devote the next three years of my life researching about a country I'm not all that enthused about is simply torturous, and not to say, unthinkable. He also suggested that I talk about my interest in Chinese politics during the interview to better my chance in getting the sponsorship since the funding is given out based on the departmental needs. To add, he is also part of the selection committee that interviewed me yesterday, which made his suggestion even stranger.

So, during the interview yesterday I talked a bit about my "research proposal" to study Chinese politics: my tentative topic is "China's new-found prominence on the global stage engenders hyper-nationalism among young Chinese." Fortunately the committee didn't ask many questions about my "research proposal" and instead focus on soliciting my opinions in how to develop a strong East Asian Studies program at the university. It also meant that I didn't have bullshit too much about my "interest" in studying Chinese politics.

Still I feel a bit remorseful for telling the committee something I knew wasn't sincere. I still plan on doing my PhD on Indonesian politics but at the same time I will also have to deepen my knowledge in East Asian politics, particularly China, which means taking up relevant academic courses and reading more about the region. Most probably I'll also have to learn some rudimentary Mandarin in order to lend my regional expertise an appearance of legitimacy.

I wonder what would happen if during the interview I told the committee that I'm not interested in studying China for my PhD and insisted on doing Indonesia instead? In other word, just be honest about my academic plan. Will I still get the sponsorship if I did that? In the end I succumbed to my craven and cowardly self and decided to be a hypocrite. I hope to atone for this grievous sin later by being the best damn teacher of East Asian politics the university has ever seen! Geez, that sounds kind of pathetic. I guess I'll just do what's needed to be done and let the chips fall where they may.

Indonesian L'amore

2009-05-15T03:08:00.005+08:00

Many Indonesian idiosyncracies endear me to the country, and oddly enough, one of them is the need for Indonesians to match-make any single, unattached people they meet. They are generally curious, if not a bit perplexed, when you tell them that you're single especially when they think that you're the kind of person who shouldn't have any trouble finding a partner.

Here's what happened to me at the airport earlier. While waiting for my delayed Air Asia flight to Jakarta I struck up a conversation with two forty-ish Indonesian ladies. They were on a girls-only vacation to KL without their husbands and children. When the conversation topic touched upon my marital status they were surprised to find out that I'm still single. They looked at each other, nodded with some sort of implicit understanding and a mischievous grin that signaled a devious plot that seemed to have me as the central character. Oh no! I knew that look because I've seen it many times before. One of them immediately told me that she has a niece in her mid-twenties who is quite a looker and most importantly she's single. And of course they wanted to set me up with her!

They made me promise not to leave the Jakarta airport without telling them first and it so happened that the very same niece they were telling me about was coming to pick them up. So I waited with them outside of the airport while itching to get on a taxi to go to Jeremy's place. Fortunately for me, the so-called niece got stuck in the notorious Jakarta rush hour traffic, which meant that it would take her forever to get to airport. I used this as an excuse to escape as I told them I had to rush into the city to have dinner with my friends. But before they let me leave I had to give them my Indonesian hp number and made me to promise to have dinner with them and the niece when I get back from Kalimantan next Monday. Oh Lord!

I'm not sure to call this a blessing or a curse but one thing for sure, it's very typical of Indonesia. I used to get so many match-making offers when I was living in Kalimantan that I lost count of them. It's flattering for sure to be deemed as a prospective partner for their close relations but at some point it does get kind of annoying and invasive. For now I'm just going with the flow - just for the heck of it.

The Malaysian tragedy remembered

2009-05-13T06:37:00.002+08:00

Today is the 40th anniversary of the worst racial riot in Malaysian history. The 13 May incident will forever be a big blot in the history of race relations in Malaysia and the specter of which is being invoked over and over again until today to serve the narrow interest of a certain class of political elites.

In the aftermath of the riot 196 people were dead, 439 wounded, 9,143 people arrested, 6,000 people homeless, 211 vehicles destroyed and 753 buildings damaged by fire.* The best book written so far about this topic is by a Malaysian sociologist, Dr. Kua Kia Soong entitled "May 13: Declassified Documents on the Malaysian Riots of 1969." His central theory is that the riots were not the result of spontaneous violent outbursts by small groups of Malay and Chinese extremists as recorded in the Malaysian mainstream history but were the result of a meticulously planned actions by the small Malay capitalist class trying to discredit and wrest power from the erstwhile Prime Minister, Tunku Abdul Rahman. It was essentially an internal coup plot within UMNO.

Since then there has been no racial incident in Malaysia that come close to matching the level of violence and carnage of 13 May, 1969, though there had been a few close calls such as in 2000 when the UMNO Youth thugs protested in-front of the Chinese Assembly building to oppose the demands made by the Chinese group, Suqiu. I hope that the bloody tragedy will never be repeated again in the future.

* Quoted from "May 13: Declassified Documents on the Malaysian Riots of 1969" by Kua Kia Soong (page 9).

No Cars, No Worries

2009-05-13T06:12:00.005+08:00

This article in the NY Times today really caught my attention. Imagine living in a car-free environment where there's only electric tram and everybody bikes everywhere. And if you need to use a car, you can buy a parking space in a municipal garage situated at the edge of the city or you can carpool using the shared-cars fleet.

As a year-round cyclist it'd be my dream to live in a place where I can ride my bike anywhere. The closest place to it is the city of Madison, Wisconsin where I had lived for two years and where even the mayor rides his bike to work though not during the winter season. But is it possible to create a car-free city in the US, much less in developing countries like Malaysia and Indonesia? I know Jakarta has a car-free day every Sunday afternoon for its two main boulevards, Jl. Thamrin and Jl. Sudirman, but I'm not sure if the program is still in effect. A friend of mine, Yosef, used to ride his beat-up bicycle from his house in south Jakarta to his office in the city center and had brushes with death every single day in his commute! I have a lot of respect for his courage to be an urban cyclist in the mad city of Jakarta but then Yosef has spent many years studying in the US, so his Indonesian (in)sensibility is pretty screwed up!

Truth be told I do like the convenience of having a car. I did own a car in Madison and though I didn't drive very often it was still good to know that I had a car if I ever needed to use one. I guess the issue boils down to the age-old debate of individual rights to choose vs the collective good of the society. Americans are known to be fiercely individualistic (in some sense it's actually a good trait to have) and their individual rights are irrevocably enshrined in the first ten amendments of the US constitution. To ask the American people to significantly give up their right to drive a car is like telling them that they cannot own guns anymore, especially when driving a car, like gun ownership, is part and parcel of its culture. It's simply not going to happen. This is after all the country that used to own more than 90 percent of all the cars in the world when Ford Model T first came off the production line in early 1900s. Americans' love affair with automobiles is well known and well documented.

What about Malaysia, or specifically, Kuala Lumpur? I used to ride my late grandpa's bicycle around KL all the time when I was younger and later my mountain bike before it was tragically stolen at a video game arcade. Admittedly back then KL wasn't as busy as it is nowadays but the bike rides were still pretty treacherous. Now I would think twice about taking my bicycle out for a spin in the city unless if I have a death wish! Some people mentioned that I can always ride on the sidewalk but I believe that sidewalk should be reserved for pedestrians only.

But you know what, I actually do enjoy riding my bike in a bustling city. I guess you can call it my secret pleasure although it's not exactly a secret when it's being done out in the open. I did have a lot of fun riding my bike in major American cities like Chicago, Washington DC, New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, San Francisco and others. Maybe one of these days I should try biking in Jakarta or KL just for the heck of it...that is, right after I have my will prepared!

Note: Above is a pic of my bike in Madison parked at the Sentry supermarket in Hilldale. Gosh, I miss my bike very much!

Check and balance

2009-05-12T13:13:00.003+08:00

Good news came out of the Malaysian high court yesterday regarding the political imbroglio in Perak. The court reinstated Pakatan Rakyat's leader, Nizar Jamaluddin, as the Chief Minister and nullified the appointment of BN's man, Zambry Abd. Kadir. The next step is for Nizar to call for the dissolution of the state assembly and hold fresh state-wide elections, which will most likely be won by the Opposition.

I'm glad that the Malaysian democratic system, however flawed it is, managed to correct itself in the end and return the power back to its rightful place: the people. It's also heartening to see the Federal court beginning to assert its independence as a countervailing force after being a stooge for the executive branch for so long.

We'll see what other dirty tactics UMNO has up on its sleeve but for the time being it's score one for the Opposition and a major victory for democracy in Malaysia.

Life as a graduate student

2009-05-12T06:37:00.006+08:00

This is a spot-on image of what the desktop screen on my laptop looks like except in my case the "Quarantine Section" is renamed "Pandora's Box" for obvious reasons. Makes me wonder if graduate students the world over are similar in desktop organizing habits. One thing for sure, academics are obsessive compulsive rat-packs, meaning that we accumulate but almost never discard. God knows how much useless craps I have stored in my laptop over the years but occasionally I try to force myself to do the PC-equivalent of spring cleaning and get rid of the junks - without much success at all. There's always this lurking insidious voice telling me that I might need this application or that video clip again in the future, so better not trash them. I guess in the end, similar to ridding useless junks in real life, one has to be cold-blooded and ruthlessly unsentimental when in comes to cleaning up one's hard drive, which is definitely not a strong suit of mine. I'm forever doomed as the electronic-version of an obsessive compulsive rat-pack.

A Muslim Lim Kit Siang or Karpal Singh?

2009-05-08T15:57:00.002+08:00

Friday sermons (khutbah Jumaat) in Malaysia are generally boring and bone-dry, about topics that put most people to sleep. But today's khutbah was different. I went to Masjid Kampung Melayu Ampang near my house for Friday prayer and the khutbah, I thought, was fascinating in a wishful thinking sort of way. It was a full-fledged political khutbah and the imam is a very well-known strong supporter of PAS, the opposition Islamic party. He talked about non-Muslim politicians quoting verses from the al-Qur'an, which happened quite a few times in recent months during the by-elections. He said there was nothing wrong in that; in fact, he fully supported it.

But the twist was that he guaranteed that these non-Muslim politicians - Nga Kor Ming, Lim Kit Siang, Lim Guan Eng, Karpal Singh, etc - will embrace the Islamic faith by the year 2015. Why 2015, I don't know. The imam was so confident that 2015 will be the momentous year when throngs (his word was "berbondong-bondong") of non-Muslim Malaysians will become Muslims. That's a very bold prediction to make especially when there's hardly any logical basis to support it. Just because a few non-Muslim opposition politicians recite some verses from the holy Qur'an it doesn't necessarily mean that majority of non-Muslim Malaysians will be flocking to the faith any time soon. It's just that they're adapting themselves to the nature of political discourse in Malaysia, in which Islam plays an integral role. What better way to endear themselves to Malay voters than to speak in a way that touches the Malay people where it matters the most: their faith and belief.

But the main point of today's khutbah was about "dakwah" and how we, as Muslims, have the responsibility to bring the non-Muslims onto the right path (siratul mustakim), which is fine and dandy except that I don't agree with him that we need to bombard our non-Muslim friends with Islamic books, CDs and DVDs or forward them Islamic emails. I believe in dakwah through example, that is by how we Muslims behave and carry ourselves in public. I don't believe in aggressive dakwah advocated by the imam and I believe that people should be allowed to make their spiritual decision freely without any strong and explicit pressure.

I also take issue with the imam's ultimate objective in wanting to turn Malaysia into an Islamic state by the year 2020, and the mass conversion of non-Muslims to Islam is just a means to that very end. First of all, Malaysia can never be an Islamic state because it's a multi-ethnic and multi-religious country, pure and simple. We are not Saudi Arabia or Iran. Secondly, what kind of Islamic state, if it ever comes to it, we plan on implementing in Malaysia? For me the system we have right now is good enough except with some modifications such as re-affirming the supremacy of civil law and reducing the jurisdiction of the Syariah courts by amending the Article 121 (1a) in the Malaysian constitution.

Finally, what really cracks me up to the point of making me "senyum tersipu-sipu" was when the imam boldly announced to everybody that in 2020, in lieu of him, don't be surprise to see Lim Kit Siang or his son Lim Guan Eng standing up on the mimbar (dais) giving the Friday khutbah. Yep, that will be the day! I seriously doubt it'll happen but then who knows... In all it was an exciting khutbah today and I didn't even sleep, which says a lot about the khutbah. It was a good entertainment for sure...

The Unholy Alliance

2009-05-05T18:00:00.004+08:00

It's now confirmed that the current Indonesian VP, Jusuf Kalla (JK), will be contesting for the presidential election in July as the Golkar candidate with the retired General Wiranto as his running mate from the Hanura party. This is the guy who announced as recently as last year that he would remain loyal to the current president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono (SBY) and would continue to serve the country in his role as Wapres (wakil presiden). I remember the opposing faction in Golkar pushing for the presidential candidancy of another veteran politician, Akhbar Tandjung, but to no avail. Well, I guess in the end the lure of more power is simply too irresistible for Pak JK, who is arguably one of the richest men in Indonesia and definitely the richest person in his home island of Sulawesi.

What led to his falling out with SBY and the pursuance of his own personal ambition to be the president? One reason could be that he no longer sees a prominent role for himself in SBY's second term - assuming that SBY wins the July election, which is very likely. SBY and his political vehicle, Partai Demokrat (PD), were weak back in 2004 when PD only won about 7 percent of the legislative votes despite winning the presidency on the back of SBY's popularity. SBY and PD needed JK and the legislatively-strong Golkar for political support and to fend off challenges from other opposing parties such as PDI-P and others. For the past five years JK saw himself as a very influential VP as SBY began to rely on his Golkar faction in the parliament (DPR) to pass various legislations. But also at the same time, PD has built a strong party structure nation-wide that feeds off the popularity of the president, which ultimately bears fruit when the party's more than tripling its electoral win to over 20 percent in the recent legislative elections. PD is no longer the weakling party in the DPR as it once was; it's now a major player that gets to decide the future of Indonesian politics. JK and Golkar have now become somewhat irrelevant in the grander scheme of things. Sensing the imminence of his severely diminishing influence in SBY's second term, JK made an abrupt about-face and quickly announced his intention to challenge in the upcoming presidential election.

Anyway, this quote from Jusuf Kalla in MalaysiaKini really cracks me up in its sheer absurdity: "The businessman or military experiences can be used in creating a civil society of a nation, he (Jusuf Kalla) added, without giving any details on the pair's intentions regarding policy."

Okay, first of all, big businesses and the military are NOT known to be the catalyst for civil society. Just read up on modern political history of the world and see which social forces are the MOST anti-democratic and NON-civil: right, the big businesses and the military! They often work hand-in-glove to overthrow popularly-elected democratic governments that go against their narrow self-interested agenda. So, Mister President wannabe, civil society can be many things but certainly not the way you envision it. Just say that you want to be the president because you are power-mad but don't use civil society as your lame excuse. I guess this sort of statement is to be expected when a used car salesman (albeit a very rich one) teams up with a washed-up war criminal in the quest for the highest seat of power in the country.

Of Love-Hate Relationship

2009-05-03T02:55:00.004+08:00

My grandma was admitted to the Putra Jaya hospital tonight. I was told by my dad to standby at the house and rush to the hospital just in case if worse comes to worse i.e. she dies. My grandma has been somewhat senile and sickly for the past few years, right after my grandpa's death. She doesn't remember who's who anymore and becomes crankier as she gets older. It has become so burdensome and utterly embarrassing to take her anywhere because she throws her temper tantrum around like a 2-year old baby.

I have a complicated relationship with my grandma, which is to be expected considering that she's a carbon-copy of my dad, and everybody knows what a great relationship I have with him! As the saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I used to fight with my grandma all the time and there were at least a couple of times she evicted me out of her house in the middle of the night after a very heated argument. Out of all her grandchildren I was the rebellious one and the only one who dared to talk back to her. Like my dad, she rules her roost like a tin-pot dictator and hates for her absolute authority to be questioned by anyone. It's her way or the highway!

But unlike with my dad, I was my grandma's favorite grandchild. It's ironic but it's true. I never thought about it when I was growing up but now that she's on the verge of leaving this world some of the old memories come flooding in. My grandma is a materialistic and superficial person and the only way she shows her love and favoritism is by giving out material rewards and by how much she gets in return. So naturally, my dad is her favorite child because he gives her the most money. But what makes me her favorite grandchild since I've never given her a single cent in my life?

Honestly, I don't know. It could be that I'm her only grandchild who was born overseas (in the US), which makes me a bit special, I guess. Maybe I always did well in my studies despite all my shenanigans, which somehow endeared me to her. I remember she once told my cousins not to follow my "bad" examples because somehow whatever "bad" things I did had no negative effects on my studies, which seemed highly unusual to her. But the most plausible reason I think is because I was one of the few brave souls who had the guts to confront her and in a way she appreciated my candor and outspokenness. How do I know I was the favorite grandchild? She used to rank her favoritism by how much money she gave to her grandchildren on the first day of Idul-fitri, and as always I got the most money. She gave me money all the time even when I was already working with my own income. Plus, she told me a few times that I was her favorite grandchild despite our constant fights.

What do I feel now that she's on her dying breath languishing in the hospital? Frankly, I don't feel much emotion right now. Yeah, I'll be a little bit sad if she dies but I will not be shedding any tear. I think for the most part my feeling will be one of a huge relief. She hasn't really been herself ever since my grandpa died a few years ago and has suffered from acute dementia and other ailments. She's currently living a miserable life as far as I'm concerned (health-wise) and it seems like the after-life is a better option for her. My only hope is that if she does pass away it will be painless and peaceful.

Note: My grandma is a full-blooded Sundanese who was born and raised in Tasik Malaya, West Java. She's the reason why I still keep close contact with my Indo relatives.

Emotional safe haven

2009-05-01T00:19:00.004+08:00

Like everybody else, I always retreat into my comfort zone when faced with life's uncertainties. This is the place where I feel the safest and most assured in the midst of a turmoil. A few things offer me the level of solace I need to confront life's adversity: football (playing and talking), politics (talking and writing), musty libraries, my precious book collection, and of course, the company of good friends and family.

I guess that's why I've been writing a lot about politics lately. It serves as a distraction from other vexing life issues such as relationship. Speaking of relationship, who understands women? They're a melodramatic creature with wild mood swings and emotionally-selfish to boot. Okay, I'm over-generalizing here but it just shows how frustrated I am right now with some members of the female species. I tried my very best to understand them but still failed miserably. They are simply irrational and beyond logical comprehension. They change their minds as often as they change their panties. They're fickle-minded and they couldn't care less if their erratic behaviors negatively affect other people. They expect you to just "know" the reasons behind their actions as if you can read their minds. When asked about the reasons, they refuse to tell you what they are! Please tell me if there's a logical and sane way of dealing with this kind of situation?

That's why I retreat into a space that provides me with a solid anchor and a strong sense of familiarity such as football and politics. At least with these two topics I know what to expect and how to deal with them. I simply wish that all women are like football and politics: somewhat predictable, less emotionally exhausting and far more entertaining. No offense to my female friends who read this post!

Slight correction...

2009-04-30T16:46:00.004+08:00

I made a mistake in the previous post of not making the distinction between 60 members of the US Senate who are Democrats or Democrat-friendly and the reality of all 60 of them will vote in unison along party line. By being the majority party in the US Senate, the Democrats have the right to appoint their members to chairmanship in various committees and sub-committees, a very powerful position that allows the party the control of the Senate agenda and the substance and extent of the legislative debate.

But when it comes to actual full Senate vote, the Democratic Senate majority whip will still have to keep all his troops in line and coerce or cajole them into voting unanimously. This is an extremely hard task to accomplish as it takes a delicate balancing act of equal measures of threat and reward. It's very unlikely that the Democratic party will muster ALL 60 votes every time an important issue comes up and it'll have to pick its battles carefully. Senators are generally highly egotistical people and like to maintain the occasional independent streaks. There will be times when they choose to strike out on their own and it will incumbent on the Democratic Senate leadership to decide when will that time be.

Okay, enough of the lesson in American Politics 101. It reminds me of the time when I taught "Introduction to American Government" class to a bunch of American high school students.

Filibuster-proof now... Yes!!!

2009-04-29T23:35:00.013+08:00

This is the best news that came out of Washington, DC in a while. Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania announced that he's switching party from Republican to Democrat. It's about time, Mr. Senator! The switch effectively gives the Democrats de facto control of the US Senate with the filibuster-proof 60 votes (pending the Minnesota State Supreme Court decision on the recent senate race dispute between Republican incumbent Norm Coleman and his Democratic challenger, Al Franken).* Still, it's a game-changer; and earth-shattering as far as I'm concerned. It's fucking amazing!

What does the switch mean for the new Obama administration? It means that Obama can now introduce far-reaching programs without being obstructed by the few recalcitrant right-wingers in the Senate (Democrats, since the 2006 midterm elections, already have a majority control of the House of Representatives). The future bodes well for America, at least theoretically, as this new, unexpected opportunity blazes the path toward seriously addressing all critical issues faced by the country such as the deep recession, unemployment, out-of-control health care costs, immigration reform, Social Security insolvency, global warming, two-front wars, national security and myriad others.

For starters, a complete pull-out of US troops from Iraq can now be carried out without the fear of a Republican reprisal. Many of the Bush's damaging policies can be rescinded such as tax cuts for the wealthiest 1 percent, abolish the USA Patriot Act, drop the illegal wiretapping program, radically revamp the No Child Left Behind Act in favor of a more comprehensive evaluation of students' and teachers' performance, rein in the unchecked influence of Wall Street, create a universal health care system for all, strengthen the Clean Water and Clean Air Act, build green energy infrastructures, re-sign the Kyoto Protocol, diplomatically engage Iran, Syria, and Hamas and the list goes on and on.

Another deep impact of this new makeup of the US Senate is the very real possibility of wresting control of the US Supreme Court from the conservatives. US Senate gets to approve the President's appointees for the Supreme Court, and this is a lifetime appointment. The votes on the Court right now on controversial issues such as abortion, terrorism, free speech, etc have generally been a highly contentious 5-4 in favor of the conservative justices. Now the liberals can be rest assured that for the next eight years (or more!) any vacancy on the Court will be filled with justices who are sympathetic to our causes. The 88-year old Justice John Paul Stevens can finally retire now and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg can rest and take care of her ailing health. One can also hope that the no-good Uncle Tom, ultra-conservative Justice Clarence Thomas, the only black person on the Court, just drops dead and be replaced with somebody who is more worthy of following the footsteps of the first black Supreme Court Justice, Thurgood Marshall.

Wow, this is great fucking news! I see good things ahead from now on. The US can again become what it claims to be: Land of the free and the home of the brave. The last time I felt almost this way was when Senator Jim Jeffords of Vermont changed from Republican to Independent (but sides with the Democrats on most issues) as soon as the Republicans took control of the US Senate in 2001. The US Senate at the time was deadlocked at 50-50 with VP Dick Cheney casting the tie-breaking vote. Sen. Jeffords defection effectively gave the Democrats 51-49 control of the US Senate, and thus preventing a Republican clean sweep of all three branches of the government.

* Filibuster is a peculiar parliamentary tactic used in the US Senate (the only legislative body in the world I know that practices it) by the minority party to block any legislation currently being debated. The US Senate will then need a super-majority vote of 60 in order to override the filibuster or the President's veto, for that matter. Filibuster in the old days entails a Senator talking non-stop for many, many hours without yielding the floor to his fellow Senators. The late Sen. Strom Thurmond, a well-known racist from South Carolina, once talked non-stop for more than 24 hours trying to block the Civil Rights legislation from being passed (he failed). Now there's no more Senator giving long-winded filibuster speech; a threat of filibuster is enough. Whenever the minority party issues a filibuster threat, the majority party has to then muster a minimum of 60 votes in order to pass that piece of legislation. This has resulted in many deadlocks and severely watered-down legislations in the past few years.

Note: For a great fictional depiction of filibuster watch Jimmy Stewart's 1939 film "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington."

On conversion, but not the rugby kind...

2009-04-24T00:23:00.005+08:00

I think the new Najib Tun Razak's administration has taken a small step forward in improving interfaith relations in Malaysia. The new PM, along with the Home Minister, Nazri Aziz, announced that in the case of a divorce no children can be converted unless if there's a mutual consent from BOTH parents or a prenuptial agreement. Otherwise the children's faith remains the same as whatever it is before the divorce.

Child conversion has long been a thorny issue in interfaith relations as non-Muslims perceive - and rightly so - the Syariah court of impeding on their religious rights as enshrined in the Malaysian constitution. The announcement stems from the recent case of a recently divorced Indian couple whose husband has just converted to Islam and wants to convert their children into the faith too. The wife still remains a Hindu and vigorously opposes her husband's decision to convert their children to Muslims. She even banged on the PM's office to seek justice and resolution - and she got it.

The issue of religious conversion, or specifically, out-conversion from Islam to other religions, is highly contentious in Malaysia. There had been fights between aggrieved families and the government Islamic agency over the burial rites of dead persons just because the government claimed that these people had been Muslims while the families claimed otherwise. Another example is the case of Lina Joy, who converted from Islam to Christianity in order to marry her lover, which has been dragging on for years until it reached the High Court. But the High Court, in its cowardly manner dealing with controversial issues, kicked the appeal down to the Syariah court, which basically means that it's back to square one for Lina Joy after all these years fighting to change the religious status on her National ID.

Why is it in Malaysia it's so easy for non-Muslims to become Muslims but so difficult, and in some cases, almost impossible, for Muslims to change their religion? To understand this, one also has to understand that to become a Muslim in Malaysia also means to become Malay (masuk Melayu). In the constitution, in order to be a Malay one has to fulfill these three nonsensical criteria: 1) Being a Muslim; 2) Speaks Bahasa Melayu; and 3) Practices Malay customs and traditions. When one thinks within this context then the contentious issue becomes clearer and explicable. It all comes down to the numbers game and the naked hold on political power. Malay-Muslims constitute about 60 percent of the Malaysian population and are in control of the country's political establishment by the virtue of majority rule (and historical claim). To lose Muslims to other faiths presumably means to lose the Malays also. Without the Malays, UMNO, as a Malay-based political party, will cease to become relevant; hence, also losing its right to rule the country. This is what all the Malay ultra-nationalist bigots are afraid of and it'll be a cold day in hell if they ever let full, unfettered religious freedom rings in Malaysia.

Anyway I'm glad that the government acknowledges that religious rights as protected by the constitution also applies to the non-Muslims, albeit only in small increments. But as always, I view the government's decision with a dash of healthy skepticism. Is the government really genuine in its effort to protect the religious rights of non-Muslims or is this just one of BN's diabolical ploys to lure the majority of Chinese and Indian voters, who are now supporting the Opposition, back into the BN camp? Who knows but we shall see what the reaction will be from the Malay-ultras who form the backbone of UMNO.

Rocking on the iPhone

2009-04-23T00:04:00.005+08:00

These videos are just another example how amazing the iPhone is. Can you do this on your Blackberry or Nokia? Yeah, that's what I thought! The sky's the limit when it comes to designing applications for the iPhone as evidenced by thousands of programs one can find in the Application Store on iTunes. That's why there can never be another iPhone but only countless of copycats or iPhone wannabes.

I don't have this particular guitar app in my iPhone but I do have other musical apps such a drumming app, along with Tap Tap Revenge and Guitar Hero. Anyway, it's cool that with only a few frets these guys are able to play the intro to Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" and Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here." It'd be more impressive if he can replicate Kirk Hammet's buzz-saw guitar riffs from the earlier Metallica albums like "Kill 'Em All" and "Ride The Lightning" but I don't think it'd be possible on the iPhone. Or even the intro of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" for that matter. Still a tremendous effort though.

One flew over the cuckoo's nest

2009-04-22T00:03:00.002+08:00

One of the basics I learned in my Political Science classes is that in a legitimate democratic system, losers in an election accept defeat graciously and will have the chance to lawfully compete again in the next election cycle without resorting to any anti-democratic maneuvers such as coup d'etat, putsch and others. Accepting defeat is very hard especially when the candidates are heavily invested in the campaign, emotionally and financially.

For as long as I've lived in the US I've never heard any story of political candidates who went bonkers after losing elections. Nor have I heard stories where losing candidates committed suicide or simply died from exhaustion. Who knows? Maybe there are but they're not covered by the media. So I find it interesting that Indonesia, in her 3rd democratic election, has a bunch of political candidates who just went off the deep end after losing the election.

The above YouTube video is a Metro TV news clip (in Bahasa Indonesia) about candidates in the recent Indonesian legislative election who refused to accept the brutal reality of their defeats. Also, here are a couple of articles in the Jakarta Post about candidates who died after the election: One candidate in Bali died from extreme exhaustion and another committed suicide in West Java after losing.

It then begs the question what do these deaths and craziness of candidates mean to the quality of democracy in Indonesia? I can venture a few postulations but they'll have to wait for another posting. In the mean time, do ponder...

Cross-faith Communication

2009-04-21T14:24:00.002+08:00

I think it's amazing that a non-Muslim leader can recite verses from the Qur'an to promote fight against injustice and oppression. Perak leader of the Democratic Action Party (DAP), Nga Kor Ming, had been lambasted recently in the run-up to the Bukit Gantang by-election for reciting verses of Qur'an during one of his speeches. Of course, it was UMNO's way to gain cheap political mileage by trying to play up the Islamic issue by accusing Kor Ming of denigrating the sanctity of the holy book. PAS's mursyidul am, Tuan Guru Nik Aziz, came to Kor Ming's defense, which effectively muted down the shrilled vitriol of the self-righteous UMNO people. Al-Qur'an, in case if people forget, is revealed to all humankind until the end of time, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, etc. While it is the holy book of Islam its proprietorship is with the humankind as a whole. Hence, there is no wrong in non-Muslims wanting to make their points using verses from the holy book as long as they are recited within the appropriate context. Islam is a universal religion, pure and simple.

Above is the an excerpt of a recent speech given by Nga Kor Ming at the PAS's headquarters in Gombak, KL, where he again recited verses from the Qur'an under the gazing approval of Tuan Guru Nik Aziz. I think Malay leaders should also be able to do likewise by reciting verses from the Bible or Bhagavad Gita or Analect (Confucianism) for the sake of interfaith dialogue and religious tolerance, or at the very least, as a symbolic political posturing.

Nature vs Nurture

2009-04-19T20:36:00.000+08:00

I just read an interesting news on BBC online about Bolivian football players being prescribed doses of Viagra to help them play better on high altitude. Viagra, as we know, helps to expand blood vessels and oxygenate the blood, thus providing more stamina and endurance to its users.

This brings up the question whether the recent Bolivia's 6-1 thrashing of Argentina was due to the Bolivian players inherent ability to play at high altitude or was Viagra the secret weapon that gave them the added advantage and propelled them into a resounding victory?

It's hard to say unless if the Argentinian team also used Viagra to help boost its chance of winning in La Paz. But if I have to make an educated guess, I'd say that it was the Bolivian players' unique biological structure i.e. "Nature" that made them play well on their native high grounds. I made this assumption based on two reasons: Not all humans are created equal and we are physically and mentally shaped by the environment we grew up in, and it is known that natives of high altitude have bigger-than-normal blood vessels and more expansive lung capacity to help them adapt to their surroundings; second, I doubt that South American teams with a long horrendous track record at La Paz are ignorant of ways - scientific or otherwise - to increase blood flows to the heart and brain that would help level the playing field, literally and figuratively speaking.

Argentinian and Brazilian team doctors and physiotherapists are not stupid and I'm almost certain they know the benefits of using Viagra in high-altitude matches. Why they almost never won in La Paz can then be chalked up to the Bolivian players' natural ability to play in thin-air environment. If, say, Malaysian national footballers are forced to play Zenit St. Petersburgh in the bone-freezing, snow-covered field of Russia, I'm sure they'll lose by 20 goals or more. What if the table is turned and Zenit has to play in hot and muggy Malaysia? I'm sure as heck it'll still win, but only by 10 goals or maybe less... Yeah, this goes to show how patriotic I am!

Exposing my sappy, pathetic side...

2009-04-18T00:42:00.003+08:00

I played this song over and over again after I got unceremoniously dumped a couple of months ago. Come to think of it, it was a bit melodramatic but the song somehow struck a chord with me at the time. After a while the song sort of lost its appeal as I regained a semblance of normalcy back in my life. But tonight, as I was sitting at a warung enjoying my Nasi Goreng Pattaya, the song came on the radio and I was instantaneously transported back in time to that fateful day two months ago. It brings out again my sappy, pathetic side; hence, the posting of this YouTube video. Enclosed is the song's lyrics.

Cinta Dalam Hati by Ungu

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu

Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

Reff:
Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
Dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
'tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
Dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

Indian Democracy

2009-04-17T12:00:00.006+08:00

Based from my observation, when asked, a lot of people cannot named the largest democracy in the world. They thought it's either the US (obvious choice) or Europe (as if the whole continent is a one big unified country) or stranger still, Canada (yeah, the country's big but moose outnumber people here by ten to one!). People, the answer is INDIA.

Unless if the person has a keen interest in current affairs and politics, India as the largest democracy in the world is a fact that seems to elude most people. Most people have a Western-centric view of democracy that it is solely the creation and the standard political practice of the West. Democracy is not something one can easily associate with the so-called "Eastern values," with its rigid social hierarchy, abject deference to authority, forced conformity, and aversion to differing and opposing ideas and points of views.

While there's no denying of democracy's Western (Greek) root but its practice is universally believed to be the best form of governance that transcends the East-West divide. As people move away from the feudal mindset of authority-worship, divine rights of the rulers and mass repression, democracy offers them an alternative socio-political system that is both egalitarian and empowering.

The recent legislative election in Indonesia (another large Muslim-majority democracy) and the on-going general elections in India are perfect examples of Asian countries breaking away from the shackles of their authoritarian and politically-backward past. In the case of India, it has been a vibrant democracy since its independence in 1947 except for the brief interregnum of Indira Gandhi's Emergency Rule from 1975-77. Indonesia, on the hand, had a brief flirtation with democracy in her early years (1949 to 1957) when it adopted the parliamentary system, that was until Sukarno consolidated his authority through Guided Democracy (Demokrasi Terpimpin) and ruled by decree. It wasn't until 1998 that Indonesia finally became a democracy again.

Anyway, happy Election Week to the citizens of India, the world's largest democracy. Yep, it's a week of voting for the lucky Indians since the country is so huge and disparate. Total eligible voters for this election is more than 700 million people. That's like the populations of the US and Europe combined!

Random Act of Generosity

2009-04-16T22:59:00.003+08:00

Hi,
been using yr M'kini account for news access for sometime now. hope there hasnt been disruption on yr use for the past 1 year or so. thought i do something in return... so i paid for the upcoming year's subcription. btw got yr user/password from Rice Cooker (joe kidd's site) around the time of the last election. attached payment receipts.
hope we can still share...if you cool with it.

thanks bro...and peace.

dharma

_________________________________________________________

I received the above email from a stranger today who renewed my annual subscription to the MalaysiaKini online news website (150 ringgit worth). It just blows me away! I'm glad to give anybody my paid access to MalaysiaKini to help enlightened the Malaysian minds and provide Malaysians with access to an alternative news source. In fact, I've been surreptitiously saving my MalaysiaKini log-in and password in almost every Malaysian-owned computers I've ever used (Nicky: I know you've been using my access to MalaysiaKini for some time now haha). I guess it's just one of my small ways to open up the minds of young Malaysians and to make them think critically of their government and country.

Anyway, I feel so blessed and grateful by this random kindness and senseless act of beauty by this awesome stranger, whom I hope to get to know in person in the future. Dude, if you're reading this, thanks a zillion for the renewal. Like I've said before, you don't really have to do it. I was just about to renew my subscription in a week or so. Wow, I still can't believe this is happening. This is simply fucking amazing!

Note: If anybody ever need access to the MalaysiaKini website, feel free to contact me. Also, Rice Cooker is Joe Kidd's website that talks about anything and everything under the sun especially music, movies, books, DIYs, Malaysian and regional underground music scene, etc. For those who don't know who Joe Kidd is, he's the godfather of Malaysian punk scene and a permanent fixture in the underground music for the past two decades.

Come As You Are...

2009-04-10T19:09:00.005+08:00

The band: Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl and Kurt Cobain
The family: Kurt, Courtney Love and Frances Bean
Kurt was well-known to be a cat-lover and had been photographed many times playing with cats and kittens
This past April 8th or 9th was the 15th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death. He killed himself with a self-inflicted gunshot at his home in Seattle. I vividly remember being told of his suicide news like it was yesterday. I just came back from dinner and a friend ran up to me on the street to break the news. I was speechless and devastated. I went back to my room, unable to sleep for the rest of the night and just played Nirvana's songs continuously until morning.

You see, Nirvana holds a special place in my life for helping me to cope with the growing pains of being a teenager. The first time I heard the "Nevermind" album, I was floored. This band, this grunge music, and especially this Cobain guy, really speaks to my troubled and rebellious soul at the time. I did listen to a lot of punk rock and metal bands at the time to help channel my teenage aggression but nothing ever came close to Nirvana in terms of the soothing effect. I felt like the music and Cobain's tortured voice spoke directly to me and reassured me there were people out there who shared my angst and exasperation. It was like the band and I were made for each other. And I still listen to Nirvana whenever I feel down or depressed.

One regret in my life is that I'll never to get to see Nirvana live in concert. One time a friend of mine flaunted his Nirvana ticket stub in-front of my face knowing how much I love the band and I felt like punching him and keeping the ticket stub for myself. No, just kidding. Anyway, RIP Kurdt Cobain. You will always be remembered.

Note: The pics above are courtesy of Spin magazine via the link provided by Nicky on his Facebook profile. Thanks bro for reminding me of Cobain's death.

Pemilihan Umum 2009

2009-04-09T20:18:00.006+08:00

Happy Election Day for all Indonesians! I always get super excited during elections, and especially for a young democracy like Indonesia. This legislative election will be Indonesia's third election since the downfall of the Suharto's New Order regime in May 21, 1998. I hope that the elections will be uneventful and transparent with minimal fraud and violence. Rest assured that I'll be keeping a close watch on the election returns as they come in. Taking into consideration Indonesia's vast population and disparate geography, it'll be awhile before all the votes are counted, especially the ones from the Outer islands i.e. outside of Java.

By the way, look at the size of the ballot! Boy, I've never seen one that huge in my life before. But it does look pretty sleek, though a bit unwieldy. The most important thing is that it's a secret ballot and nobody except you and God know who you voted for.

Way to go, Indonesia!!

And the results...

2009-04-07T23:21:00.004+08:00

The opposition won the two "Bukits" but lost the "Batang," as predicted by most pundits. Pakatan Rakyat won by 2,789 majority votes in Bukit Gantang, thus casting a serious doubt on the BN's illegal takeover of the Perak's state government, and by extension, the new PM Najib Tun Razak's administration since he was the mastermind behind the coup. Pakatan also won handily in Bukit Selambau, Kedah with a comfortable vote margin of 2,396 despite the crowded field (15 candidates contesting). I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised that Pakatan got thumped in Batang Ai; it was a wishful thinking on my part to hope for a BN loss there. Pakatan candidate in Batang Ai, Jewah Gerang, lost by 1,854 votes where 5,960 people showed up to vote (over 75 percent turnout). It was quite a resounding victory for BN for sure.

What do these elections mean for Malaysia right now? The trend is clear: The tide is turning against BN and its component parties, especially UMNO. Time and again BN is saved by its component parties in Borneo; it has been losing ground rapidly in the Semenanjung since the March 2008 general elections. The Malays are switching to the Opposition in droves, especially for the Islamic party PAS. My parents and close relatives are the perfect example of this defection. In fact PAS has gained more non-Malay votes in the Bukit Gantang by-election than it did in the previous election. The writings are on the wall for BN, and especially so for UMNO: Radically change your raison d'etre to conform to the fast-changing Malaysian socio-political landscape or risk being irrelevant and banished into oblivion. To appropriate Louis XIV's infamous dictum, the country is no longer UMNO's l'etat c'est moi. Change or perish!

The titty-fuck elections...

2009-04-07T00:48:00.008+08:00

The polling stations in Bukit Gantang, Bukit Selambau and Batang Ai will open in a few hours. Not many by-elections can claim the same importance and significance as the ones that will be held today. In normal time, by-elections are usually a formality and are barely contested, if at all. But this is not a normal time for Malaysia. Since the March 2008 general elections the country has experienced a strong ripple through its socio-political landscape. Note that I mention " a strong ripple" and not a more powerful metaphor like "tidal wave" or "earthquake." It's because the rippling waves have yet to turn into an earth-shattering tsunami, but it will be very soon. These by-elections will be the beginning of the end for the ruling establishment i.e. Barisan Nasional (BN).

The good citizens of Bukit Gantang in Perak will vote convincingly for Pakatan Rakyat's candidate, Nizar Jamaluddin, thus squashing any illegitimate claims BN currently has on the Perak's state government. Bukit Selambau in Kedah will be hotly contested but I predict that Pakatan can eke out a win here especially now that Hindraf is back in the Pakatan camp and has pledged to unite behind one Indian candidate. The Opposition candidate is also helped by the defection of some senior leaders from the Indian-dominated People's Progressive Party (PPP) to Pakatan, which I'm sure will bring more Indian votes to the Opposition camp.

The shocker will be in Batang Ai, Sarawak. Many people, including yours truly, have predicted that Batang Ai will remain in BN's hands despite strong challenges from the Opposition. But the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that Pakatan can manage a squeaker here. It will ultimately boil down to either the people of Batang Ai will throw their votes behind a personality or the party. Jawah Gerang, the Opposition candidate in Batang Ai, used to be a very popular BN candidate before he saw the light and switched party. The key is whether voters will choose him as a trustworthy and caring person regardless of his party affiliation or as someone who can be trusted to deliver the development goods, in which case he's not because he's now with the Opposition. I hope the people will make the right choice.

On the lighter (and crass) note, a friend of mine called these by-elections "the titty-fuck elections" because they involve two "bukits" and one "batang." Okay, it's a tad bit graphic but it's still a creative use of metaphor in a political context. I only wish I can use the term "titty-fuck elections" in my academic writings...

Election Fever...

2009-04-03T13:25:00.010+08:00

Both Malaysia and Indonesia are heading into election day in less than a week. It's a much bigger election in Indonesia for sure but the ones in Malaysia are no less important. The April 9th election in Indonesia is for the legislative level, while the presidential election is set to be on July 5th. In Malaysia, there are three by-elections on April 7th in Bukit Gantang (Perak), Bukit Selambau (Kedah) and Batang Ai (Sarawak) to replace previous MPs who passed away recently.

One thing that bothers me about the Indonesian election is the same old politicians who run in every election. When do people like Megawati and Gus Dur finally feel the need to let go and pass the torch to young leaders of their parties? I'd very much like to see the major political parties introduce young blood into the political process, instead of the tired old geriatric leaders. I guess that's what makes me attracted to Partai Keadilan Sejahtera (PKS, Justice & Prosperity Party) since it's a relatively new party full with highly-motivated young cadres with a tangible political platform to sell the public. By the way, this is just based from my casual observation in the province of South Kalimantan, where I had lived for a year. I had been to PKS's provincial office in Kal-Sel twice and I was completely impressed with its level of operations and attention to every political details. I've volunteered in many political campaigns in the US and what I observed at the PKS office in Kal-Sel was on-par with some of the big campaigns in the US in terms of organization, efficiency and sensitivity to local voters and their needs. I was simply blown away! I also went to other parties' offices like PDI-P, Partai Demokrat, Golkar, PAN, PKB, PBB and others, but they simply pale in comparison with PKS when it comes to political professionalism. Plus, PKS gave me a lot of cool stuffs like DVDs, booklets, and several nice polo shirts for free while other parties wanted me to pay for their stuffs! By the way, I collect political memorabilia, and yes, I'm such a dork!

Also, what's amazing about this upcoming Indo election is the reincarnation of the anti-Reformasi figure, Prabowo Subianto and his Gerindra (Gerakan Indonesia Raya) party into a major political force. This is the guy, who only in May 1998, was hell-bent on preventing the downfall of his father in-law Suharto and stopping the wave of democratization that was sweeping the nation at the time. As the head of the elite Kopassus (Special Command Force), Prabowo was responsible for the kidnapping and killing of student activists during the mass demonstrations in May 1998. I guess that's the beauty (or the dark-side) of the democratic system for allowing someone like Prabowo to compete legally in the free and open political arena, as sickening as it is. People tend to forget and forgive rather easily, and with enough money, crooks like Prabowo can buy back his past and stage a political comeback, instead of languishing in the Cipinang prison! And let's not forget about Wiranto and his present Hanura party, whose hands are still bloodied from the deaths and suffering of the East Timorese in 1999 referendum. He should be tried for crimes against humanity, rather than be allowed to engage in the political process.

Another aspect of the upcoming Indonesian election is the high number of celebrity candidates. Being a young democracy, its political culture is more personality-based than agenda-based, and instead of offering concrete solutions to solve the social problems, political parties expect people to vote based on the popularity of the candidates. I think this is just the way for political parties to avoid talking about the social problems and wanting to amass cheap votes. To some extent this strategy is understandable especially when there are dozens of other political parties competing and having somebody famous as candidates certainly helps with the name-recognition and party visibility on the ballot. But this strategy should only be pursued in addition to a clear and substantive party platform, which takes precedence over all else. A political party must have a clear and concrete agenda to offer to the voting public, and not just celebrity candidates. Otherwise, it ceases to become a political party and turns into a cult.

As for the Malaysian by-elections on April 7th, the three elections will not be as easy for the Opposition as its two recent by-election wins in Permatang Pauh (Kedah) and Kuala Trengganu. PAS's candidate, Nizar Jamaludin, will win handily in Bukit Gantang and but the two other by-elections still remain a toss-up. With the BN's political and financial machinery in full force, one can expect these elections to be close and very dirty, especially in the rural Batang Ai district. God knows how many millions of Ringgit BN plans to spend on these elections, especially for the so-called "development projects." The Bukit Gantang by-election in Perak is especially important as it serves as a referendum to the popularity of the Opposition-led state government or the illegally-installed UMNO-led one, and by association, the newly sworn-in PM, Najib Tun Razak. I think the Batang Ai district will remain in BN's hands as its component parties in Sarawak will deliver the votes as usual. Lest we forget it was the BN component parties in Sabah and Sarawak that saved BN's ass in Semenanjung in the March 2008 general election. As for Bukit Selambau by-election in Kedah, I hope that the Opposition's strategy of not selecting Hindraf's (Hindu-rights organization) preferred candidate and instead chose an Indian candidate with less race-focused agenda will succeed. It'll turn out to be a very competitive by-election especially when there are 15 candidates contesting for the seat.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the elections in both countries will be held peacefully with minimal violence and fraud, which is a good stepping stone towards the deepening of democracy. And of course, in the Malaysian case, I'm hoping for the Opposition (Pakatan Rakyat) to win in all three by-elections.

PSS Tg. Malim, Perak

2009-04-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

The station at night
The station in broad daylight
Some of the staffs: Pi, Angelina Jolie, Fynaz, Tam
The cashier girls: Ain (drama queen) and Fizyn
Me and Mai chillin' by the pumps

Provincial Mindset

2009-03-31T16:30:00.003+08:00

Petronas is so damn ridiculous a lot of times. It's the biggest private company in Malaysia but it's being run like a highly inefficient government bureaucracy. Well, being one of the so-called "Government-Led Companies" (GLC) certainly contributes to its woeful management-style.

Now that I've been working at a Petronas petrol station for the past month I do have a few gripes when it comes to customer service and product delivery. Petrol and diesel deliveries are sometimes late, which lead to the station being dry. Petrol has to be delivered every day and diesel usually every other day (at a lesser load). The station is in the business of selling petrol and diesel, so if it's out of both, what more can it offer to the customers? Cigarette and junk food sales can only carry the station so far!

The reason that Petronas uses for late deliveries is that either it has not enough tankers at the regional depot to deliver the product or there is not enough petrol or diesel supply at the storage depot. It's a lame excuse to use for an international conglomerate like Petronas. It has be professional enough to use the latest inventory and logistical management tools to keep track and maximize the delivery efficiency of its products. In my case, the least it can do is add more tankers to the regional depot since not enough tankers being its most common excuse for late delivery.

Another example is today a customer called the station to ask about the Mesra card rewards system. He wanted to know how many Mesra points he currently has and he had tried calling the number on the back of the card but nobody answered the phone. I checked on the Mesra website, which required me to create a fake profile so I can log in, but the website kept giving me error messages. I later dug through the website's menu and by chance found a circular stating that the phone number on the back of the Mesra card is temporarily not active and customers should call the alternative numbers included in the memo. One would think that an announcement of this nature belongs on the homepage of the Mesra website in big block letters, but no. For me it's totally unprofessional and not customer-friendly at all. By the way the guy who called me about his Mesra points is not internet-savvy, and that was why I did the search for him. He was a bit puzzled when I told him to go online and try his luck there.

There are many more gripes about Petronas and I hope that Petronas is more sensitive to the needs of its dealers and customers. If nobody buys your products you wouldn't be where you are today.

The pain of losing...

2009-03-30T16:53:00.003+08:00

Losing one's pet can be a very traumatic experience, and people who have owned pets can certainly attest to this fact. I've personally had my fair share of losing my pet cats. My family's house in KL has always been like a sanctuary for all the neighborhood cats and kittens since we love to feed and take care of them. At one point in time we had 12 cats living in our yard though now we only have 3 permanent resident cats. Anyway, there are three pet loss incidences over the years that really stuck with me until today.

First, there was Bobby I. I found Bobby I one night in 2004 at a bus stop near Bangsar LRT station while waiting for my brother to pick me up. She was only a few weeks old at the time, alone, cold and hungry. I heard a soft mew behind me as I was lighting up my cigarette and there she perched looking sad and lost. I took her to the mamak restaurant near Dataran Maybank and bought her some fried chicken. Later I called my brother to pick up a small box along the way and we stopped by the supermarket to buy proper cat food. She turned out to be a hyperactive kitten, always moving about and hardly ever rested. But the sad news came a year later when I was already back in the US. I was at a friend's party when my sister called with the news of Bobby I's death. My sister was hysterical on the phone and I remember sitting down on the floor dejectedly surrounded by the happy party-goers. Bobby I was hit by some asshole driver in-front of our house and we ended burying her in the yard. RIP Bobby I.

Second, it was Bobby II. Bobby II was one of the two male cats we had in the house; the other one being Tiger. I was there when he was born and he was a timid cat, to say the least. He hardly ventured out of the yard and the farthest he ever went out was to the small asphalt patch outside of our gate, which ultimately led to his untimely demise. Some people use that small asphalt patch in-front of my house gate to reverse their cars and unfortunately one of them asshole drivers hit Bobby II while he was sleeping just outside of the gate. This happened about 2 months ago and the shock of losing him is still fresh as it was yesterday. His brother Tiger is taking this death very badly. He seems to be losing his appetite and becoming more morose and thinner. I hope Tiger can get over it soon. RIP Bobby II.

Third incidence happened in 2004 to my beloved cat Frankie (click on the link for his eulogy). He was named after Frank Sinatra because of his blue eyes. I thought about naming him Paulie after Paul Newman (one of the most famous blue-eyed actors) but decided on Frankie in the end. Frankie had always been a sickly cat since the day he was born. We took him to the vet so many times and gave him so many medications but he was still fragile and weak. But Frankie was one of the most sweetest cats I've ever had. Whenever I sat down Frankie would always curled up on my lap and slept. Without fail. The news about Frankie's death came when I was in the US. My sister called me to break the news and I was in the library at the time. I was so depressed that I didn't go to any of my classes that day. I ended up penning this short poem for Frankie:

Like a clockwork, without fail;
nestled on my lap, he availed.
Deep piercing gaze, blue as the sky;
seeking solace, only he knew why.

Lapping, licking, chewing, gnawing;
it's a cat's life,
don't mind the drooling.
Whiskas, discus, Friskies, whiskey;
Oh my goodness, Frankie!
Are you that hungry?

As fate might have rolled its vicious dice,
You will always be my ol' blue eyes.

Unfortunate names

2009-03-30T02:31:00.004+08:00

Every time I drive to and fro KL - Tg. Malim it always cracks me up whenever I pass by Batang Berjuntai and Batang Kali. I know it's juvenile to be snickering at these unfortunately named places but I just can't help myself. I've always wondered who named these places, and why? I'm well aware that meanings and connotations of words evolve over time but I'm sure there was a perfectly good reason why these places were named as such. When I was in the boarding school there was a kid who came from Batang Berjuntai and we used to make fun of him all the time. Poor guy! I heard a few years back there had been an attempt to change the name Batang Berjuntai to something more prosaic but I don't what know happen to that name-changing campaign. All the road signs still say Batang Berjuntai. Hypothetically, if I'm from either of these two places would I be embarrassed to tell people where my hometown is? Hell no! I'd announce it loudly and proudly that it is from these places where I get my overflowing masculinity and unbounded virility because this is THE reason why they got their names in the first place! In terms of the cool factor I take Batang Berjuntai over Kuala Lumpur any time.

The missing link

2009-03-25T00:30:00.004+08:00

Okay, first I have to announce that this is my 200th post! Yippee!! It comes out to about one post a week for the past 4.5 years. I used to be very diligent in updating my blog but I guess the writing muse hasn't been very nice to me lately. I promise that I'll dive right back into my writing groove in no time. There are just simply too many political affairs out there to be commented on.

But for now let's talk about missing, or rindu in Malay/Indo. It sucks ass to miss somebody or something, and I hate that feeling. Having lived and been to many places around the world I do miss quite a few things in my life. People I've met, things I've experienced, places I've explored. For now I just want to list things and people I miss in the US, where I've spent a good chunk of my life.

1. Decent cheese: I do consider myself a transplanted Wisconsinite and cheese is to Wisconsin is like what tempe is to Indonesia or durian is to Malaysia. I terribly miss the locally-made Wisconsin sharp cheddar and fresh cheese curds from the factory. And they are impossible to find here in Malaysia.

2. Independent coffeeshops: People who know me knows how much I love coffee and how I detest the mainstream coffeeshops like Starbucks but I have no other option but to patronize them here in Malaysia. I miss my favorite coffee joints like Rochambo, Fuel Cafe and Brewed Awakenings in Milwaukee and Espresso Royale, Indie Coffee, Steep and Brew, Fair Trade Coffee and Ancorra in Madison. Here's the review I wrote a while ago about various coffeeshops in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

3. Neighborhood bars: Let me say that life in Wisconsin revolves around alcohol, especially beer. It's steeped in German tradition and bars constitute as a place for the community to gather, socialize and discuss various issues of the day. I miss local neighborhood bars where everybody knows everybody and people can chill and relax shooting pool, playing darts, foosball and airhockey. In some places there are open-mic nights, slam poetry, etc. Even after I quit drinking a few years ago I still go to my local bars regularly just to hang out with friends.

4.Bike-friendly cities: I miss riding my mountain bike in places where riders are respected on the road. Madison is a very bike-friendly city with extensive network of bike paths and trails. People can also put their bikes on the bus or in DC, you can bring bikes on the Metro (subway) during non-rush hours. I used to ride my bike everywhere and all year round even deep in the winter season and it's something I really, really miss right now.

5. Hiking: I miss hiking in parts of the Appalachian trails in the East Coast of the US, the Kettle Moraine trails in Wisconsin, the Glacier National Park in Montana, the Blue Ridge Mountain in Virginia, the Petrified Forest in Arizona or simply trails in the urban forest reserve like the Rock Creek Park in Washington, DC or the Central Park in New York City. I do wish that I had the opportunity to hike in some of the National Parks in Alaska. Hopefully someday I'll get the chance.

6. Music scene: I don't just miss all the big concerts in the US but also smaller gigs in some cramped, smoke-filled clubs. The first big concert I went to in the US was Oasis but they were still not that big at the time (it was right after the release of their "Live Forever" album) and it was held at Milwaukee's Eagles Ballroom. Many countless rock concerts to follow after that including Metallica (twice), Green Day (twice), Pearl Jam (twice), Red Hot Chili Pepper, Rage Against The Machine, Soundgarden, Alice in Chain, Beastie Boys, The Offsprings (four times!), Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistol, Foo Fighters, Pennywise (twice), NOFX, Nine Inch Nail, Smashing Pumpkins, The Cranberries, Social Distortion, Sonic Youth, System of A Down, Pantera, Anthrax, Def Tones, Bob Dylan and many, many more. What I regret the most is not having the opportunity to see Nirvana live in concert. I'm a hardcore Nirvana fan and damn you Kurt Cobain for killing yourself before I get to see you on stage!!

7. Freedom: I know the word "freedom" here is very broad but I feel so stifled living here in Malaysia. I really hate it when people tell me what I can do or say. I cannot express myself fully in Malaysia without ruffling a few feathers in the process. For example, I almost lost a few friends in Malaysia just by having heated discussions about Malaysian politics. Yep, I've been called by some of my supposed friends pengkhianat bangsa, Melayu tak sedar diri, munafik and other unsavory epithets just for speaking my mind about the political situation in Malaysia. This NEVER happens to me in the US. I have a few conservative, right-wing friends in the US and we engage in civilized political discussions all time and ultimately agreeing to disagree. The same goes with some of my Jewish friends who are hardcore Zionists. Heated, yes. Respectful, yes. Childish name-calling, NO!

8. Cheap stuff: Yes, most things are cheap in the US, and I really mean it. I remember always going to the supermarket and filling my cart to the brim, which later amounted to only 50-60 dollars. That's like a month worth of grocery for me! In Malaysia, a cart full of groceries can easily set one back a cool 300-400 Ringgit. That's just plain crazy! Another example: a pair of Levi's 501 jeans costs around 20-25 dollars in the US but in Malaysia it goes for over 200 Ringgit a pair! Now that's highway robbery if you ask me. Seeing the price tags of some of the stuff in Malaysia almost makes me want to fly back to the US!

9. People I miss: Being away from my real family in Malaysia has allowed me the chance to make new ones in the US. In Milwaukee I miss Diane Conrad, my mentor and the toughest woman I know (the first woman in her army unit to drive the Abrams M-1A tank); Mario and his racially-diverse family for always having me in all their Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners; Julie Enslow of Peace Action Wisconsin for showing me the principled life of a peace activist and to always fight against injustices; Brad Montgomery, my comrade-in-arm and the calmest person I know; and Tony Perez, my old Puerto Rican boss, who is one of the smartest and most eloquent guy I know despite the heavy Spanish accent. In Washington DC I miss my brothers Craig and Spooner, with whom I spent a lot of time in the backyard barbecuing, smoking pot and listening to Bob Marley's Roots Rock Reggae played in infinite loop. In Madison I miss the people at my old office, the UW's Center for Southeast Asian Studies, especially Mary Jo, Dr. Mike, Sinae, and Pak Andy (my gamelan teacher); Cisco and Jessica for being true and dependable friends whenever I need them; Indonesian PhD students like Amelia, who makes a kick-ass ayam rica-rica from her native Manado; and Pak Dustin, who teaches Arabic but also speaks fluent Indonesian, for his warm hospitality and friendliness.

10. The New York Times crosswords puzzles: Okay, I'm a crosswords junkie and I've been solving them for the past ten years or so. I admit that I can still do the world-famous NY Times crosswords online but the feeling is not the same as actually solving it in the newspaper itself. One secret: I used to tear out the NY Times crosswords from the coffeehouse's newspaper and do them later at home. Yes, it's bad but what can I say? I'm a crosswords addict!

Of course this is just a partial list of what I miss in the US. But it's enough to make me think about going back there again... to visit, at least!

Message for Miss Brightside

2009-03-16T02:05:00.005+08:00

If you're reading this I just want to tell you that I'll be in Jakarta on 19 - 22 March, which I know you're well aware of. But I'm almost sure that you'll not want to meet me in person for reasons that both you and I know very well. But I'm hoping that you can gather some courage and meet with me over coffee. Even for ten minutes. Give me the opportunity to present my side of the story. If meeting in person is not possible, then give me a call while I'm there. I still have the same Indo hp number: +6287877236807. Later later alligator!

Wanderlust

2009-03-13T00:47:00.005+08:00

I've just been informed recently that the US Agency for International Development (USAID) is interested in interviewing me for a position as a Program Analysis/Project Development Officer. I honestly have forgotten that I applied for this position about 6 months ago until I received that fateful email the other day. The position is a world-wide posting and I don't know if I get to choose where to go, though I do prefer somewhere in the vicinity of South/Southeast Asia.

Will I take this job if it's offered to me? I don't know but I'll seriously consider it. I do have other career plan to work as a lecturer with USM in Penang and to go to Australia to finish my PhD. Taking up the USAID job means that I have to abandon my future academic career as a political scientist and be a development specialist instead. It's always been my dream to have a career that can contribute significantly to the betterment of the society. This is my unyielding guide in helping me to choose what career path to follow. Well, both career options offer me the opportunity to do just that.

I've also had a serious case of wanderlust and I'd love to have a career that allows me the opportunity to travel to isolated corners around the globe. This is certainly the biggest draw of the USAID job. A really tempting proposition, indeed. But right now I'm sticking with my plan A, teaching at USM Penang. But knowing my unpredictable nature, anything can happen! We'll see how it goes...

Amnesia Melalui Kebencian

2009-03-12T00:32:00.004+08:00

Pernah terlintas di benak fikiranku apakah perasaan marah dan benci itu boleh mendorong kita ke jalan pelupaan? Dengan membayangkan seseorang yang pernah kita kenali secara intim itu sebagai sesuatu yang sangat menjijikkan, bahkan lebih hina dan meloyakan dari najis berat mughalazah, akan memudahkan proses penghapusan memori itu sendiri? Aku, secara peribadi, tidak mempunyai kemampuan untuk membenci seseorang dengan sedemikian rupa tapi aku ingin tahu apakah proses amnesia melalui kebencian ini suatu teknik terapi yang efektif dan berkesan? Apakah benar dengan membenci seseorang itu dan menganggap dia sebagai suatu entiti yang lebih kecil dari kuman bakteria akan membolehkan kita menghapuskan segala kenangan indah yang pernah kita kecapi bersama orang itu, atau sekurang-kurangnya mengubah kenangan itu menjadi suatu titik hitam yang akan lama-kelamaan pudar ditelan waktu?

Entah lah. Aku tidak mahu berpura-pura mengetahui jawapan untuk pertanyaan di atas. Lain orang lain selok-belok fikirannya. Soal hati dan fikiran ini kita serahkan kepada yang Esa sahaja. Hanya Dia yang maha mengetahui. Tapi yang aku ingin sekali tahu ialah apakah patut kita merasa benci kepada seseorang itu walaupun orang itu pada pandangan dia tidak pernah berlaku salah apa-apa pun terhadap diri kita ini? Apakah itu suatu perlakuan yang moral dan beretika dalam mencari apa-apa sebab pun untuk membenci seseorang itu semata-mata kita ingin melupakan segala pengalaman yang kita pernah alami bersama si-dia?

Bukan tugas aku di sini untuk menghakimi seseorang itu kerana aku hormat kepada kemampuan akal fikiran individu itu sendiri untuk menilai apa yang baik dan buruk di dalam hidupnya. Akan tetapi kita harus memikirkan seketika apakah sebenarnya erti kebencian itu? Padaku memang wajar sekali kalau kita membenci sesuatu atau seseorang yang memang wajib dibenci seperti rasisme, penganiayaan anak kecil dan binatang, pembunuh, perogol, peperangan dan lain-lain. Tapi persoalannya sekarang adakah wajar untuk kita membenci sesuatu atau seseorang yang tidak pernah berlaku salah terhadap diri kita ini? Menurut pandangan aku hak membenci itu sememangnya hak individu masing-masing dan selagi hak individu ini tidak menyalahi undang-undang dan memecah-belahkan masyarakat bagiku itu tidak menjadi masalah walaupun aku sama sekali tidak bersetuju dengan sebab dan objek kebencian individu itu.

Bagiku, untuk membenci seseorang itu jauh lebih mudah dari memaafkan kerana untuk memaafkan seseorang itu memerlukan penurunan ego yang drastik dan kemampuan untuk melihat objek kebencian itu bukan sebagai binatang yang menjijikkan tetapi sebagai manusia yang setara dan bermaruah. Bak kata pepatah Inggris, "it takes a bigger man to forgive" atau Nabi Isa sendiri pernah berbicara di dalam kitab Injil "turn the other cheek." Memang perasaan benci dan amarah (aggression), menurut Sigmund Freud, itu sebahagian dari naluri asas manusia tetapi semuanya terserah kepada individu itu sendiri untuk menguasai perasaan bencinya itu dan sejauh mana dia harus meluahkannya. Tapi berbalik kepada soalan asal: apakah dengan merendam fikiran kita dengan rasa benci kepada seseorang itu boleh mengikis bersih segala memori pahit-manis bersama orang itu? Wallahualam bis-shawab (hanya Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui apa yang benar).

Living On A Prayer

2009-03-06T15:08:00.005+08:00

I haven't been to a Friday prayer in a while now but today I did go to one here in Tg. Malim. Most people go to Friday prayer out of routine but for me it's for the sense of community and the relevance of the sermon. Today's sermon was nothing to write home about; in fact, I was asleep during most of it. I was hoping for a more political sermon given the current state of affairs in Perak right now but I was sadly disappointed.

I religiously went to Friday prayer when I was living in the US since I enjoyed being with other Muslims from all over the world and the sermons given by the imam were usually about current issues and how we as Muslims can deal with challenges of living in the multicultural America. When I was living in Washington, DC, I used to pray at the Indonesian Embassy on Massachusetts Ave., which was a unique experience in itself. The old wing of the embassy, where the musollah is, used to be the historical mansion owned by the late Katherine Graham, the former publisher of the Washington Post. The ceiling of the musollah was painted with cherubs on wings and other Biblical motifs, which can be a bit disconcerting for Muslims first time praying there. It's like having the Friday prayer in a basilica, which for me was a really cool experience.

I remember one Friday when there was a small demonstration in-front of the Indonesian embassy by a group of pro-GAM Acehnese. But when praying time came, all the protesters were invited inside to pray without any reservations at all. After the prayer ended, the protesters resumed their protest outside the gate. For me this was an amazing sight to behold and I'm still at awe every time I thought about that particular moment. I seriously doubt that Malaysian protesters would be cordially invited in if they ever protested in-front of the Malaysian embassy, which happened a lot during the whole Anwar fiasco 10 years ago. But then, Indonesian embassy in the US is known to promote more tolerant brand of Islam and it always invites Islamic scholars and academics to give the Friday khutbah (sermon), which was the biggest draw for me.

While living in Indonesia I had the chance of going to a Friday prayer in Mesjid Agung in Solo, Central Java. It's a grand historical mosque built over 200 years ago and is an architectural marvel in its simplicity. I remember stepping into the main praying area and made a 360-degree turn to appreciate the woodwork and breathe in the aura of history. I really want to visit it again some time soon as I didn't get to spend much time in Solo when I was there.

I also miss praying with my former students and other ustadzs in the pesantren's mosque. Aside from playing sports, the mosque was where I got to know the students and teachers much better and in more personal terms. Pak Syahrudi, the director of my pesantren, asked me a few times if I can give a Friday sermon in English but I kept refusing. What, me? Leading the flock? No way, Jose! Diri sendiri pun tak terbimbing hahaha... I miss the sweet sobbing voice of the imam - yes, he's crying during the recitation - when he's reading sura Al-A'la in the first raqaat, one of my favorite suras in the Qur'an. But hopefully I'll get the chance to visit the pesantren this coming May for my students' graduation ceremony.

All in A Day's Work

2009-03-05T21:55:00.004+08:00

Some of you know by now that I'm currently helping a dear friend to manage her Petronas gas station in Tanjung Malim, Perak, about an hour away from KL. I don't really have a specific job description. It's basically trying to discipline and keep an eye on her staffs, helping out with various paperwork around the office, and keeping her company on long drives across the state and trips back to KL. Since we both have a lot of dramas going on in our life right now, we have tons to talk about in the car during our long drives. She's, by the way, one of the two close female friends I always confide in especially when it comes to relationship issues, or what Indonesians call "teman curhat."

There were some worries that this job is beneath my station in life, meaning it doesn't match my education and personal background. But I believe that any honest, hard-working job is a REAL job and I really don't mind doing jobs that are considered low-status in the eyes of the society.

Living in the US for a very long time has taught me a lot about humility and respect for others regardless of their background. I had worked in many odd jobs that were in no way related to my educational qualification, part of it was to make ends meet, but most importantly, for the experience. Gosh, it'll take me forever to list all the various jobs I did in the US in order to survive but here's a partial list: custodian (mopping up students' pukes in the dormitory), dishwasher at the dorm's dining hall, parking valet at elite clubs and restaurants, parking attendant (juru parkir), parking cashier, warehouse worker, office temp worker, landscaper, carpenter apprentice, lead abatement worker, youth counselor, dry-cleaning store manager (this was when I got robbed at gun-point by two guys), political canvasser, part-time high school teacher, soccer coach for middle-schoolers, and the list goes on.

I wouldn't trade any of my previous work experience, however lowly they were, for anything in the world. Each job I've ever had in my life has contributed a little something to my personal character and has made me who I am today. I have internalized the values of hard work and struggling to survive, which I wouldn't have to do had I stayed in Malaysia. I mean it's impossible to empathize with what the poor and unfortunate people have to go through in life without at least trying to walk in their shoes and see how it feels like. It shapes my outlook in life as I see all these social injustices happening around me: single moms working three dead-end jobs to feed their children because they were forced off the welfare rolls; men who couldn't get a job because of past felony records though they had already paid their debts to the society; or simply regular folks who work slave hours every week and still couldn't make ends meet.

To be honest, I do have the comfort of knowing that I can always call my mom for money if I ever need it, which I very rarely do and it's usually for major purchases like a laptop or something. Or I can always go back to Malaysia and live within the security provided by my family. I've resisted the temptation for fourteen years until I finally decided to come back this past January. My dad keeps buzzing in my ears that had I stayed and worked in Malaysia after I finished my bachelors degree I could have easily earned big bucks by now. He, in fact, had a job waiting for me working as an executive at one of his friend's company, but I turned it down and went back to the US instead. I never once regret that decision, and I told this to him over and over again trying to get through to his thick skull. I doubt he will ever understand why I did what I did. Contrary to what P. Diddy says, "it's NOT all about the Benjamins!"

By the way, it was through most of these odd-jobs that I found my love for hip-hop music. After spending so much time working alongside blacks and Hispanics I came to love the urban American culture and what it represents. I also lived among them in the ghetto, though in a less-dangerous neighborhood. Oh, how I miss those days... block parties on the weekends, outdoor BBQ, neighbors sitting and gossiping on the stoop, hoopties (urban slang for cars) bouncing on the streets with ear-splitting bass lines, kids jacking the fire hydrant in the summer heat, and playing pick-up basketball in the local parks. Okay, then... my next post will be about things and people I miss in the US, and believe me, I do have many!

Happy Monthly PMS Day!

2009-03-02T00:46:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure if this post is appropriate or not but I figure, what the heck! It's my blog and I can do whatever I want with it, right? Yeah, I do know the freedom of speech issue pretty well but then I don't want to hurt somebody's feeling by making inappropriate post, especially someone I deeply care about.

Anyway, if that person is reading this, then I like to wish you a HAPPY MONTHLY PMS DAY! If you think stomachache and cramps are bad, wait until you get hot flashes and osteoporosis when you hit menopause!

Anyway, this greeting assumes that you have a regular 28-day period. If I mistime this greeting, then I do apologize...

Football blogging as a form of therapy

2009-03-02T00:29:00.007+08:00

Taking up Nicky's advice I'm starting a new blog about my life-long obsession of and my undying love for football: http://jomceritabola.blogspot.com This blog stems from my endless discussions about football with Nicky until wee hours in the morning, especially the English Premier League, and simply serves as another avenue for discussing the beautiful game from an amateur point of view. Also I guess Nicky was sick of listening to me whining constantly about my emotional crises hahaha...

The past few weeks have been very emotionally-taxing for me as my heart was broken into a million little pieces and I was at the lowest point in my life. I was a total emotional wreck despite my friends' attempts to shake me out of it. But I found that playing and talking about football can be soothing to my troubled soul (not a permanent cure though), so I decided to start blogging about football as a way to distract my mind from thinking about her, at least temporarily. Football has always been there for me in my time of need, usually acting as an emotional outlet, so this blog will be no different. I hope my football-crazy readers can contribute to the discussions in here.

p/s: The reason I create a separate blog for football is that I want to keep my old blog strictly for other topics and I don't want to mix them up. I still like to blog about politics, and given my current emotional state, relationship.

Why Indonesia?

2009-02-28T20:30:00.004+08:00

You wouldn't believe how many times I got asked this question here in Malaysia and the US. Actually it refers to why do I choose to focus on Indonesia for my research, instead of Malaysia. I don't even know why people make such a big deal out of it. Who cares what country I'm interested in studying? FYI, I didn't originally plan to focus on Indonesia at the beginning of my graduate school career. I remember at first being captivated by Latin American politics (I still am!). What got me hooked on Latin American politics was the biography of Ernesto "Che" Guevara called "Che: A Revolutionary Life," written by Jon Lee Anderson, which I've read twice cover to cover. I highly recommend this book for people who want an in-depth research and an objective take on the life of the revolutionary icon. Also, I used to know a few cute Latinas on my campus, which made me more motivated to learn about Latin America haha...

I remember being so pissed off after reading the book at all the economic exploitations perpetrated by American corporations in Latin America with the explicit backing from the American government (the notorious Washington Consensus) and how I was inspired by Che's strong sense of justice and his unyielding idealism to bring about radical changes in the region and fight on behalf of the downtrodden. Anyway, I started to get very interested in Latin American politics and I even took Spanish language class for two semesters. But somehow along the way my interest to study Latin American politics waned, maybe because I got sidetracked by my political activities at that time: campaigning against the economic sanctions in Iraq, trying to stop the Carrying Concealed Weapons bill from being passed by the Wisconsin state legislature, campaigning to stop military recruitment in high schools around Wisconsin, organizing Palestinian-Israeli forums in local colleges, mosques, churches, and synagogues, and also volunteering for various political candidates in the state. Oh, how I miss those days!

Anyway, I went to Indonesia in August of 1998, barely three months after the Reformasi movement rocked the nation and successfully overthrew the long-time dictator, Suharto. The scars from the recent social upheaval were still fresh and smoldering. I could still see the blacked-out frames of burned cars and smashed-up storefronts and shards of glasses on the streets of Jakarta. Being a leftist and a revolutionary wannabe, it was impossible for me not to be inspired by the Indonesian Reformasi movement and its success. I was wishing for the same outcome with the Reformasi movement in Malaysia at that time, but too bad it failed and was ruthlessly crushed by the Mahathir's government. But the May 1998 Reformasi in Indonesia was the catalyst in getting me to be more interested in Indonesian politics and history. Also, it was around this time I first read Pramoedya Ananta Toer's Bumi Manusia and was moved to tears by the author's grand historical narrative and its tragic ending. But it wasn't until much later when I finally decided to seriously study the country.

In 2004 I quit my job in Washington, DC and went on a 4-month backpacking trip across Southeast Asia using Malaysia as my base. It was an eye-opener for me as I was preparing to go to graduate school at that time and was looking for research ideas. I was interested in finding out if there is such a thing as Southeast Asian regional identity that most people in the region are aware of and can identify with. I ended up doing a research comparing the European Union and ASEAN in the context of regional identity formation. Ask me for the paper if anyone's interested hehehe....

When I came to UW-Madison in 2005 I had to find a Southeast Asian country to focus on and I initially chose Thailand. I've traveled in southern Thailand several times before and I was interested in studying the conflict there. I learned Thai language for two semesters but in the end I gave up. Yep, you heard right! Thai language is so goddamn difficult and it would take me years to learn it before I could carry out a proper research. I copped out and picked Indonesia instead. At least with Indonesia I don't have to learn a new language and I've also been very keen in Indonesian politics and history since the 1998 events. I ultimately wrote my thesis about the Islamic revivalism (penghijauan) in Indonesia during the New Order period (1966-1998). Again, I have the paper if anyone's interested.

But why Indonesia, and not Malaysia? Okay, first of all, just because I'm from Malaysia it doesn't mean that I'm required to make Malaysian politics as my academic pursuit. I can study Vatican politics if I choose to do so. As a Malaysian, studying Malaysian politics seems a bit predictable, no offense to Malaysian academics who do so. But more importantly, I think that Indonesian politics is far more colorful and interesting than Malaysian politics. There are many more political issues that can be studied in Indonesia compared to Malaysia. Post-1998 Indonesia makes it even easier and fascinating to study because the censorship is not as tough as it used to be (people at LIPI can still be jackasses sometimes) and the society is much more open now. I'm also turned off by the dirty and venomous politics in Malaysia with all the political scandals and character assassinations.

Don't get me wrong. I still follow Malaysian politics very closely and I do plan on doing a research about it some day. But I think now I'm a bit emotionally invested in Malaysian politics to study it from an objective point of view. I get so pissed off at the vacuous politicians, their sycophants and the corrupt-to-the-bone system. Finally, I fell in love with Indonesia as a country and its warm and welcoming people, and I've been there so many times over the years that I consider Indonesia as my own kampung. Indonesia serves as my sanctuary every time I'm feeling stressed out and suffocated in Malaysia, and it is now a big inextricable part of my personal and professional life and will continue to be so until I die. Till then I plan on immersing myself in all the magical mystery tour that the country has to offer.

In search of thesis

2009-02-25T18:56:00.002+08:00

Okay, enough with the personal posts and back to the usual writings of politics and culture. I need to get my mind back on track to what matters the most to me right now: my academic life and the pursuit of knowledge. Right now I'm in the process of applying to the Australian National University (ANU) in Canberra since the Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) in Penang is likely to sponsor me under its Academic Staff Training Scheme (ASTS). The catch is that I'll have to teach at USM for certain number of years after I finish my PhD. My former advisor at the University of Wisconsin, Paul Hutchcroft, is currently the head of the Political Science Department at ANU. He suggested to me last year to consider ANU for my doctoral study and I told him I'd think about it first. It's not that I didn't want to go Australia at that time; I felt that I still had a lot of unfinished business in the US and wanted to stay there for a while longer. Now that most of my business in the US had been accomplished and I'm permanently back in Malaysia I feel the urge of going to the Down Under for my PhD. Like Malaysians would say, tukar angin!

There are at least four reasons for this: first, most Indonesia specialists are based in Australia and only a handful in the US, so Australia is definitely a better choice for me in terms of resources and finding intellectual kindred spirits; second, I don't plan on settling down and getting a university teaching job in the US, which means that I have more flexibility as to where I get my doctorate degree; third, I want to make my mom happy by staying near her since Australia is so much closer to Malaysia and Indonesia than the US - well, duh! - so I can easily fly there for research or if there's a family emergency; and fourth, PhD program in the US takes on the average 6 years to finish, as opposed to 3 years in Australia due to the 2-year mandatory coursework and preliminary exams in the American PhD programs, and at this point in my life I just want to get to the top of the education ladder as soon as possible.

I'm currently stuck at coming up with good research question/puzzle. A good thesis needs to be framed and designed like a puzzle that can only be solved through rigorous field research. So far I have three possible research questions and I might end up using one or combining two of them to form the puzzle of my research.

The first topic is about transitional justice in the post-peace agreement Aceh and what kind legal mechanism and process are being used now to address past human right violations during the decades long conflict between the Indonesian military and the separatist GAM. This topic had been my first choice but after talking to one professor at ANU who has done a lot of work in Aceh there are actually little data or activity on the ground that can be analyzed regarding the transitional justice issue in Aceh.

The second topic is about pesantren education in Indonesia and how it contributes to the political development of its surrounding area, or vice-versa. As we all know, pesantren typically forms the bedrock of the local community, so the question is what kind of influence the ideological bent of a pesantren has on its immediate surroundings, or do the religious and political norms of the local community in fact that influence the ideological makeup of a pesantren?

My third topic, which has now become my topic of choice, concerns about the role of youth wing in a political party acting as the ideological enforcer and the public manifestation of what the political party really stands for. Is the youth wing acting somewhat independently of the party's senior leadership or is there a directive from the top that allows the youth wing to promote a more radical platform of the party as part of the party's multi-pronged message dissemination? In studying the political youth wing I plan to do a comparative study between Malaysia and Indonesia, which will be the exciting part of this research, by looking in the context of race and religion.

The hardest part of writing a thesis is coming up with a good research puzzle that is novel and can positively contribute to the larger body of literature in the field. I remember when it took me more than 1.5 years of retooling and refining before I finally found a decent research puzzle for my Masters thesis. It left me with less than 6 months to write my thesis but I managed to finish and defend it in about 5 months. I almost killed myself during that time but I can still vividly recall the feeling of euphoria and the sheer sense of accomplishment after I successfully defended my thesis in-front of my Masters committee. I'm looking forward to that once-in-a-lifetime feeling again for my PhD dissertation defense. But the first step toward that end-point is coming up with a feasible research question first. At least for now I need one just to get into ANU and once I'm there I can always change or refine it to something better. How I could use an inspiration right now...

Football Fever...

2009-02-25T01:26:00.009+08:00

Only if I can get enough people to berdoa this morning for a Manchester United's loss to Inter Milan in the Champions League match at San Siro. I also need to have more people to pray for Liverpool's win over Real Madrid in Bernabeau tomorrow morning. If we can't catch Man Utd in the EPL, the least we can do is hope that they'll crash on the European stage. It's funny that I'm asking for a divine intervention since I'm a secular person by nature...

And Nicky, nope, I have yet given up on Liverpool's hope to claim the league trophy this season. You guys are only 7 points ahead and there are still plenty of matches to play, and there's still the much-awaited "revenge" match at Old Trafford.

At least kalau tak menang league pun tapi dapat beat Man Utd home and away pun dah cukup bagus dah... turun KL la woi... boleh layan game sekali dgn aku!! kita ajak bebudak2 semua layan ramai2 kat rasta in ttdi ker... ada projector screen besar kat situ...

Glory Glory Man.. oopss, wrong song! You'll Never Walk Alone... Go Reds!!

Nicky: I'll be taking up your advice and will make football blogging as a form of emotional therapy from now on. I miss being a football analyst/pundit haha... Anyway, I need to regain my passion in life and football is one of them. Btw, what's the deal dgn Barca la woi?? They've been slipping up lately and Real is catching up to them real fast...

On Responsibility and Consequences

2009-02-24T12:48:00.007+08:00

I agree that we should take responsibility for all our actions. Only a coward would run away from owning up to the consequences of his/her responsibility. And I also agree that a person is not just responsible for his/herself but also to the people close to him/her like taking care of sick parents, supporting your sibling's education, helping a friend in need, etc. Basically, being responsible means doing the RIGHT thing. Let's say if we find a wallet full of money on the street, it is our responsibility to find its rightful owner and return it. Or if we see a hungry kitten on the street it's our responsibility to feed it.

But should we take responsibility for something that we know is NOT right? Especially taking responsibility for somebody who doesn't feel the need to be responsible for himself and people close to him? Who doesn't know what the word "responsibility" means even when one gives him the dictionary to look it up? For me that is not being responsible; it's being exploited. I believe that you should only be responsible for what you believe is the right thing to do. If you know that something is wrong, then you shouldn't be suckered into being responsible for it and ultimately pay for the consequences.

Somebody I know used to say that life is about making choices and she chooses to be a responsible person. It's a noble choice and I wish more people are like her because being a responsible person takes a lot of guts. But there is a fine line that divides between responsibility as a virtuous pursuit and responsibility as an irrational human behavior.

Going back to my experience volunteering at the abused women shelter in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, one of the main reasons these women stay in the abusive relationship for a long time before they finally decide to leave is because they feel responsible for their abusive spouses/partners and to keep the marriage intact no matter how bad it is. It takes them a long time to figure out that it's such a shitty responsibility to have before they finally decide to escape.

My point is that you cannot be responsible for something you know deep down inside is wrong. It's not called responsibility; it's a complete and abject surrender of free will. You should only assume responsibility and the consequences from doing something you truly believe in and one you believe is RIGHT.

It reminds me of the old P. Ramlee film "Anakku Sazali." Sazali in the film is a rich spoiled brat who always gets whatever he wants and his dad never once stands up to him. Sazali grows up to be a ruthless gangster and one day after a botched robbery he tries to hide from the police in his dad's house. His dad is now faced with a dilemma: should he turn over his only son to the police or hide him? His dad always gives in to all Sazali's demands since he was small and so Sazali is confident that he'd protect him now. In the end, the dad does the right thing by calling the police to come to the house and arrest Sazali. It takes the dad so many years to realize that he has been responsible for his son for all the wrong reasons and finally decides to atone for his past sins by getting Sazali arrested. It's one of my all time favorite P. Ramlee's films.

Romancing the blog

2009-02-23T01:52:00.004+08:00

She asked me once if I'm the romantic type and I said yes but unconventionally. I'm a sucker for romance if I'm really passionate about the person but I don't subscribe to the traditional notion of romance. For me romance should be full of surprises until to the point where even the traditional romantic effort becomes a surprise in itself. I don't believe in buying chocolates or roses for the girl I'm romancing but I would bake my own chocolate/pastries/cookies or fold origami roses for the girl I'm into. It's all about being creative, fresh and most importantly, sensitive to the person you're with. I prefer unplanned picnic by the lake or the countryside than a romantic candle-light dinner in a fancy French restaurant. It's not that I'm cheap but I believe the more you put into the romantic endeavor the more fulfilling and meaningful the relationship will be.

I think the key is to remember every little details about your partner and the surprises her later with romantic efforts that are closely related to the specific detail. One time a girl told me that she's having cramps and stomachache from PMS, so I had a bit of surprise ready for her when she came to see me. There awaited her when she arrived were a slice of cake with lighted candle and a note saying "Happy Monthly PMS: Do you think this is bad? Wait till you get hot flashes and osteoporosis when you hit menopause!" Okay, it's tacky and maybe slightly inappropriate but she did enjoy it at that time. Now that's my idea of romance! I'm hoping that Hallmark will pick up on it one of these days...

I just saw the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" and I love it. I think it's such an endearingly romantic movie, very unconventional in its way of conveying love on so many different levels. I'm just touched by how they just knew that they were meant for each other even when he's a 90-year old boy and she's a 10-year girl and how the love survives until the end when he's a senile baby and she's a 90-year old woman. I can't believe I've never read the short story before since I'm a fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald, especially his novel "The Great Gatsby." Now I have to go search the bookstore or the internet for the original story.

Speaking of true love waits, my all-time favorite romance novel has to be "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It's a story about searching and longing for that one true love all throughout our life when destiny decides in the end that the search is over and the two separated lovers who had first met when they were young are finally reunited after being apart for more than fifty years. In Malay we call that Cinta Abadi. If you're meant for each other not even time and disparate geography can stop the love from being realized. I just hope that I don't have to wait thirty years before I'm finally re-connected with my true love. It sucks having to wait that long and in the novel, the protagonist sleeps with countless random women (he's remains unmarried until near the end of the story) but the physical gratification he gets from womanizing comes no where near to the emotional pleasure he derives by peeking through her house gate just to have a glimpse of her silhouette. If that's not true love then I don't know what is...

Not Paying The Fair Price

2009-02-22T22:09:00.010+08:00

I was listening to my iPhone in the subway today when the song Mr. Brightside by The Killers came up. It's her favorite karaoke song and for me it's the song I'll forever associate with her - too bad for the band! But a particular line of the song struck a chord with me and somewhat inspired me to write this post: "But it's just the price I pay." The line sounds pessimistic and bleak, an act of surrendering to the fate one cannot change. It's like saying there's nothing I can do about this particular problem and I just have to accept the consequences.

I have two issues with regard to the pessimistic interpretation of this particular line. First, the price we pay is ALWAYS negotiable especially when we live in places where people bargain all the time like Malaysia and Indonesia. We don't always have to accept the price we're being asked to pay. We can negotiate the price down or just simply refuse to pay and walk away. So the price that we end up paying might not be as expensive as we thought it was going to be originally. With a bit of cleverness and determination all parties to the negotiation can be happy and satisfied with the price that they have to pay or receive in the end.

Second, in the context of the song the line actually has a positive meaning of change. Try to read the lines that follow it: "Destiny is calling me, Open up my eager eyes, Cause I'm Mr. Brightside." So, what it actually means is that the character in the song is looking to make some major changes in his/her life, which include leaving behind the old familiar routine and faces to embrace the highly exciting yet uncertain new destiny. In all, the line is not bleak at all; the person is just beginning to open up his/her eager eyes as he/she realizes that change is in the air and that he/she wants to be part of it because it's also part of his/her destiny.

Even the title "Mr. Brightside" speaks loudly of hope and optimism. If it's a pessimistic song the band should change the title to "Mr. Darkside" instead.

Dream vs Reality

2009-02-22T18:08:00.004+08:00

Most moms have this preternatural sense of knowing if their children are in trouble even without the children showing it. My mom is no different and she does this even while I was living in the US. She would call me up all of the sudden and ask if I was feeling fine as if she knew that I was stressed out with work and study. Right now she knows that I'm going through a tough emotional crisis even though I never once betray my emotions in-front of her. My mom and I are really close and we share almost every secrets between us but I never once told her that my heart has recently been broken and that I have been an emotional wreck for the past couple of weeks. She just knows. She asked me a few times if there's something wrong but I refused to divulge any info because I didn't want to make her worry about my emotional health. I just told her I'm fine and my life is just swell. But the other day, she just blurted this out of the blue: "You can't always get everything you want in life. Sometimes you have to make a serious compromise and just hope for the best!" Wow, I never knew my mom is a psychic but she is - with me at least.

So we ended up having a long talk about what we dream of having versus what we can realistically get. I told her that while I believe some compromise is important to act as an anchor that keeps our feet on the ground but there are also parts of the dream that we should not abandon and must pursue vigorously. Dream is what keeps us moving forward and gives meaning to our life. Accepting reality as a fate that cannot be changed means a complete surrender to a life as a zombie. Human beings are endowed with free will to change their fate if they choose to do so. It says so in the Qur'an. God will not change one's fate unless if the person strives to change it first.

Still on the subject of dream versus reality, she then asked me what I really look for in a woman, a question that she has asked me a zillion times before and one she already knew the answer to. I told her I'm looking for a woman who shares my passions in life and that I don't believe in opposite attraction. See, my mom and my dad are two diametrically opposite people whose personality differences are like night and day, and my mom likes to say that this is the reason why the marriage lasts for as long as it does. But I like to point out to her that the marriage almost collapsed twice because my dad is a wife-cheating two-timing bastard and what sustains the marriage until now is my mom's saint-like level of patience.

So back to what I look for in my dream girl. I told my mom that some criteria are just non-negotiable such as love for books and the outdoors. Everyone knows how much I love reading and spending time in the nature i.e. hiking, camping, swimming, mountain-biking, etc and for my future partner not to share these passions with me is simply unthinkable! I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who complains that I bury my nose in the books all the time and who hates spending time with me outside because the sun makes her skin dark, sweats profusely, dirty and simply unattractive. But I told my mom, in my experience, it's hard to find Malay girls like that and that's why I've been going out with American girls over the years. My mom then said maybe I will have to reconsider these criteria since not many Malay girls are like that and sometimes we cannot get everything we want in life. You see, my mom in her golden years are becoming more pessimistic and accepting of fate as a fait accompli. Or maybe she just wants me to settle down as soon as possible. But I replied that we can get everything or almost everything we want in this life only if we work hard enough to make it happen. Like I said before, God will not change our fate for us; only we can. And I was adamant when I told her for the umpteenth time that I WILL NOT settle down with a woman who hates reading and the outdoors. No way, Jose! There are no ands, ifs or buts...

On a general level, I believe that we should not abandon our dream just because it seems unattainable. The reality, although sucks, offers a sense of comfort and familiarity that most people see as barely tolerable and one they can try to live with for the rest of their life. But then these people are simply resigning to their alloted fate without even attempting to realize their dreams. Dreams, though exciting, imply the uncertainty of not knowing what lies ahead. But it is dreams that give us the sustenance to live and to progress as a humankind. Imagine what would happen if every human beings on this earth refuse to realize their dreams and just totally surrender to their fate (present reality)? There will be no Einstein, no Edison, no Wright brothers, no Darwin, no Galileo, no Da Vinci. Well, you get the point. Where would our human civilization be without dreamers trying to realize their dreams?

Realizing one's dreams requires hard work and the willingness to take risks, which most people are not prepared to do. Most people are afraid of the failure that can come with chasing dreams, so they rather stay put in their depressing but "safe" reality. But if we don't try then how do we know that we are going to fail or succeed? If we try and fail, at least we can look back and say that we did try our best to achieve our dreams but fate just would not have it any other way. I remember teaching my students in the pesantren the American idiom "shoulda coulda woulda," which means a person who regrets not doing something in the past which could have changed his/her present condition for the better. It then leads to another idiom, "there's no point in crying over spilled milk" since what's done is done. But what the idiom neglects to mention is that one can always wipe the table clean and buy a new carton of milk to replace the spilled one. It means that while God has assigned each individual his/her fate but with enough effort and determination one might be able to change the assigned fate. So let's not give up and surrender to our seriously compromised reality. Have faith in chasing our dreams in order to find a better future...

Complete Capitulation

2009-02-20T13:13:00.004+08:00

Below are a couple of excerpts from the exchanges I had with her now on-again boyfriend yesterday. Now I fully understand why she's been cutting me off on all communication front. I'm not sure if she shares with him all the communications I've been sending her or if he has total unfettered access to all her email and Facebook accounts. Either way, I think it's really sad that she's letting this guy takes total control of her life and invading every inch of her private space.

I'm still grasping for an answer to explain this complete surrender of individual privacy. Is this what she meant by giving him another chance to change? By completely and cravenly surrendering her individual autonomy for the sake of sustaining the almost-doomed relationship? It seems like a counter-productive thing to do as what she's doing is just hardening his old habits. There's no incentive for him to change because he has her on tight leash and she's not going anywhere because he controls every aspect of her life. He is now the master of her domain - to paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld.

I'm not angry at her for turning out this way but really pity her for putting herself in such a situation. I know she's a much much better person than this, and I think she knows it herself too. All sane people can see that this kind of relationship is not going to be a happy one and is most likely to end in disaster. I've read what she wrote in her old blog (kerigitmaniez) and she hasn't been entirely happy with him even after the first few months of the relationship. The ominous signs were crystal clear even from back then. I sincerely hope that she gets out of it before it's too late, and I'm saying this as a friend who cares for her physical and emotional well-being.

I don't know if this guy also reads my blog but I don't give a flying fuck, really. He can leave nasty comments here and I'll just delete them. I've dealt with freaks on my blog before but usually on hot political issues. Anyway, I don't think this insecure hyper-possessive man-child dignifies a response from me. It'll be a waste of my time and typing skills. One thing I can say to him is if you can't stand the heat then stay the fuck away from the kitchen...
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Subject: hi..

hi man, this is mike.. i'm elvita's fiancee.. i will really appreciate it if u could stop sending message or email to my fiancee.. please stop, cause it's just not right.. find your own girl, go on with you life, and also don't call my fiancee mon cherie, cause she's not yours..

and i don't think she needs any update on your life, cause she already got her own life and mine to take care of..

i really hope you understand, cause what u have done is just not right, what will u do if some stranger guy hit on your girl, u must be pissed right?

so just stop....
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My Reply:

i see that somebody is a bit green with jealousy. it's understandable though. you see, i think being super possessive and an insecure control freak is not cool really. elvita has her own independent mind and she doesn't need somebody to tell her what to do or think. also, in case you forget, the last time i check, freedom of speech is still being practiced on FB.

i'll do what i need to do and if you're not man enough to face it, then it's too bad for you.
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Re: hi..

hey man, i already ask u politely, and i'm not going to repeat it again.. have a little dignity as a man.. stop disturbing our life with your useless update.. if u want to announce the whole world about your life it's your own personal right, but please stop sending email or sms to my fiancee..

and i think it's so sad of you that u like someone else's fiancee.. get a grip and find another girl..